Work, dating, discretion.

I need a FAQ page on this blog. I usually respond to questions via twitter, but my new readers keep asking the same question: “Why don’t you write more about dating or work?”

My answer: discretion. This blog is fun, but not sloppy.

Contrary to popular belief, there is a filter here…well, sort of. One trick I learned as a resident assistant in undergrad is that clean living is the simplest way to avoid projecting dirt, so I try not to do anything that I would have a problem with broadcasting on the world wide inter-web.¹

That means that there is less to filter, which my life easier, because filter refills are expensive…

I also like my job, and want to stay at my company after graduation, so I wouldn’t compromise that for a push in the google rankings or a few extra comments.

What I love about working for my company is that it is a collaborative atmosphere, so the daily annoyances that make Bitter Lawyer and Namby Pamby so interesting are not part of my world. I go to work, interact with hilarious co-workers, and do my job.

Sure, there are some shocking cases…but I just don’t have to deal with any craziness beyond battling for parking near the building.

The point is that I don’t write about work because I am professional and there is not a lot to write about.

Dating is another story. I blame that mess on facebook.

Googling and facebook-friending a potential date is essential due diligence. Trust me. Someone can seem completely innocent and charming but then google reveals a video of them doing ungodly things with their dog² or other deal-breaking craziness.

I need to know about the CooCooCaChoo in advance! So I screen…

The problem with this due diligence is that now a pack of my facebook “friends” are trolling for dates.

Also, to compound the awkwardness, facebook’s “friend suggestion” feature has turned facebook into the newest dating site:

That’s how I met Judd.  Facebook said we had a ton of friends in common, so I just hit “add” without thinking about it. Judd then messaged me, “Hi, you’re cute. We should go on a date!” I agreed to go on the date, we clicked, became boyfriends, …and then he moved to New York. Hm.

But Judd, like all of my other ex-boyfriends is still my facebook friend and we still keep in contact. So anything that the new “friend suggestion” guys write on my wall is visible to him, my other Exes, past dates, potential dates, and mom. Sigh.

But that is a minor drawback because the benefits of screening guys on facebook outweigh the awkwardness by far. If the suggestion-friends are completely lewd then I unadd them, but that rarely happens because the vast majority of these guys still fall into the same three categories:

1. Bedingfields: Over-enthusiastic, “Hi! Nice to meet you. I love your eyes! We should totally get married. What’s your name again? ”
2. E-Ballers: Fills up my facebook and text inbox, but acts completely bored when we hang out. Am I talking to your secretary online?
3. Fair-Weathers: Completely enraptured in-person but takes a week to respond to a facebook or text message. Might need to borrow the E-Baller’s secretary.

(Note how none of the categories involves crass.)

I went on a lot of dates in the past few weeks, and some were pretty outrageous. But because my dates are aware of this blog through facebook, I can’t write about any of the dates because broadcasting a terrible date to the entire Minneapolis gay community³ is just tacky. Besides, my BFF and I would have nothing to dish about when we hang out.

So I don’t write a lot about work because I am professional and I don’t write a lot about dates because I am classy, (and don’t want to get cut.) Hopefully that explains things!

¹ Remember, my personal motto is “I have a good disposition” and I mean it.
² Yes, that actually happened. I was mortified.
³ Lot of facebook friends… have the entire community covered through at least one person.

If you have any questions to add to my forth-coming FAQ page please send them to @dennisjansen.