My latest post for The Shark has a very simple message: use a tumbler, save some bucks. Read it here.
My latest post for The Shark has a very simple message: use a tumbler, save some bucks. Read it here.
We went on an extra-long walk this evening.
Harley is knocked out:
And yes, the snoring is obscenely loud.
Jack’s boyfriend dumped him on Friday, so we went to the clubhouse, and my job was to play wingman/matchmaker.
Jack’s problem is that he’s absolutely oblivious at the bar and never notices when someone is hawking him. We eventually come across a guy who looks like Seth Rogen. Seth not only shoots Jack the eye, but completely turns around in his seat to gawk!
Of course Jack does not notice this guy practically falling out of his seat to look at him, so it is time for me to go to work as cupid.
Seth and his sidekick go to the dance floor. I grab Jack and go into hot pursuit. On the dance floor I walk up to Seth’s sidekick and tell her that Jack is interested in her friend.
What does Jack do? He flees the room!
It took 10 minutes for me to convince Jack to go back to the dance floor. Once I coax Jack back, Seth’s sidekick and I practically shove Jack on the dance stage (seen here), and Seth grabs Jack and goes to work.
For the next half hour the sidekick and I awkwardly dance together and watch Seth dry hump dance with Jack.
Seth was sort of slimy…but at least he was interested?
We eventually leave the room and go back to the bar. That’s when Seth apologizes to Jack:
Seth: “Oh, I totally mistook you for my friend John! You look JUST like him! But hi.”
I gasp. Jack glares at me.
Dammit. The one time that I’m actually sure that someone is interested in Jack it turns out to be a case of mistaken identity! Drats. Drats. Drats!
A few minutes later Jack is chatting up Seth’s sidekick and Seth comes over to talk to me. He tells me that he’s 23 years old and that he is studying “prelaw” at some no-name university. Seth tells me that his ex stole his money and that he wants to sue. Seth tells me that he went to undergrad in Arizona before dropping out… the longer this fool talked the less attracted he became.
I open my mouth to ask Seth about his “prelaw” classes when he suddenly lunges forward and inserts his dragon-breath tongue down my throat.
I am absolutely mortified. We are in a crowded portion of the bar and this guy who is SUPPOSED to be interested in my newly-single friend is now molesting me! Fail.
I politely shove Seth Rogen off and spit out his spit into a napkin.
Both Jack and Seth’s sidekick are glaring at me. I’m suddenly a homewrecker.
Seth disappears to the restroom and Jack and I linger around with Seth’s sidekick. During my small talk with the sidekick I learn that Seth is “maybe 21” and definitely living with his parents….
Seth’s sidekick is a heavy girl that looks like a boiled-over clam. I chat her up but she looks terribly bored. After 30 minutes and no word from Seth, we become concerned. The three of us then go from room to room looking for Seth.
We can’t find him.
After an exchange of texts, the sidekick informs us that Seth had been waiting outside of the club for the past half hour because he fell over the fence of the smoker’s area and didn’t want to pay cover to get back into the club.
The sidekick excuses herself and we say good riddance.
The rest of the night was fun, but I didn’t find another guy for Jack…and I’m not sure that he wanted me to. Ugh.
I had a “do not park” moment at work today: I was listening to RuPaul’s “Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous” when I decided to look up the lyrics. It’s okay to take a break right?
My computer did not approve of RuPaul because I had just finished reading the lyrics when my computer shuts off.
I spend the next five minutes trying to turn it on and then 30 more minutes on the phone with tech support.
Tech Support: “It just turned off?”
Me: “Yep. And every time I try to turn it back on it sort of starts, and then shuts right back off.”
Tech Support: “That’s weird. We’ll fix it Monday.”
So I guess the 20 hours of work I was going to put in this weekend are not going to happen. More time for Tax law?
I picked my classes based on subject matter without regard to timing… so it was about 2pm Monday afternoon when I realized that I had four classes scheduled for Tuesday and Wednesday.
I was also really sick last weekend, so I began school drugged-out on cold medicine so I wouldn’t be “disgusting snot guy.” Instead of being disgusting snot guy I just walked around looking mildly dazed, disoriented, and stuffy…so I guess I blended in with the 1Ls? Maybe not…
And while I suspected that this week would be a disaster, it wasn’t. Here’s a play-by-play of the classes and professors:
Tax: I like that UMN has managed to assemble a mix of scholars and practitioners. My tax professor is a partner at one of the biggest firms in the city. He made it very clear (among other things) that he wasn’t an academic.This should be interesting…
My mother still claims me on her taxes, so I felt like one of the few people in the room who has never looked at a 1040 form. I just need to spend some more time with it and figure how all those below-the-line deductions work.
My professor began each class with a raffle. During the first class he raffled off textbooks, and during the second class he raffled off basketball tickets. I’m not sure what that’s about…
Modern Real Estate: This class is hilarious. My professor used to practice real estate law, and looks like she stepped right out of a Talbots ad. Professor E. can compete with any flashy real estate broker in the fashion department. We are always excited to see what each day’s ensemble will be.
Conflicts: Conflicts is with Professor V, who was my Civil Procedure professor. Professor V is super-organized and uses slides filled with flow charts and tables that simplify what seem like hopelessly complex concepts. The only problem I have with Conflicts is that it still feels crazy that a court can apply different sets of laws to different issues within one case. Professor V claims that this is an “opportunity for advocacy” but I suspect that is only true after we get over the mountain-sized learning curve.
Conlaw II: I have Professor L again, who taught Conlaw during my 1L year. And the hilarity continues:
Professor L (looking down at the podium): “Mrs. Smith?”
Cindy Smith: “Here!”
Professor L (looking up): “Where? I just hear a voice. Hah. Hearing voices…that’s all I need…”
Professor L: “Let me read from the 14th amendment real quick. Hm. Wait, I momentarily forgot how to read roman numerals.”
Professor L (tripping over a wire): “Sorry. There’s a little wire here. I’ll probably fall on my face at some point…”
My Employment Law professor began each class by blasting music. It’s a little strange, but I think he’s trying to be “fun.” At least the class isn’t super-early…
On Tuesday I was one of the first people at the school cafeteria. The coffee wasn’t ready yet so the Barista asked me if he could give me an Americano instead.
I agreed, although I didn’t know what an Americano was at the time.
I got hooked.
Americanos are basically the same price as coffee, but have that bitter-taste that I love. I didn’t realize until I was up to three Americanos per day that each drink contains four shots of espresso… 12 shots of espresso per day… no wonder I was so bubbly my first week!
Harley has an ear infection, which means I have to rinse and medicate his ears daily.
He, of course, is unamused by this:
Harley also attended his first official law school event today. Outlaw, the gay student group, had a picnic and I decided to bring the dog along.
He behaved. People were surprised by how calm he is. I didn’t bother to explain that my dog is, in fact, Joe Cool.
I read a lot of animal hoarding and cases at work, but last Sunday I came across a case that was so horrifying that I almost went home.
The case involved the typical hoarding situation: a house stuffed like Noah’s Arc and caked with feces. The description of the house so gruesome however, that I just wanted to speed home, shower, and bleach my entire apartment.
My standards for cleanliness have definitely changed over the past few years. I have a lot of plants, a pet frog, and Harley.
Crumbs, dog hair, and dead leaves are now a fact of life. I clean on a biweekly basis but there is no way to teach the dog to stop shedding, or keep the apartment perfectly sterile.
Only three people have seen my apartment, and they would probably agree that it is relatively clean. But when I read the case last Sunday my kitchen trash was full, the dishes piled, and the laundry unfolded. I was so absolutely disgusted that I devoted all of yesterday to cleaning. The case is after the jump.
School starts tomorrow so I’m scrambling to get all my supplies and cleaning done for the semester.
This involved yet another furniture move – which is the last one for the semester, I swear.
Oh, and although I’m no Rachel Zoe, I do have a little wall of shoes going on.
There’s actually a bit of a back story to the cleaning frenzy, which I will explain later.
Jack is the only other intern at work today, so of course I have to trip right by his cubicle. My cases become airborn and crash everywhere.
I’m scrambling to pick up the cases when Jack spins around in his chair with a huge Cheshire Cat grin:
Jack: “You do that a lot don’t you?”
Ugh.
Dr. Smooth just graduated from vet school. He’s young. He’s hip. He has a soul patch.
Dr. Timid is middle aged, quiet and serious. She always looks worried, like she is about to tell you something went horribly wrong and your dog will, in fact, never regain control of his bowels. Have fun with the slip and slide!
So of course Dr. Timid was working today.
The vice president of the University of Minnesota just sent out an email:
Yesterday, the University of Minnesota Police Department issued a Public Safety Alert regarding a shooting that occurred just off campus. This Public Safety Alert was the fourth issued in just over a week, and it’s unfortunate that this spate of crimes has occurred as students are returning to campus and the University community is preparing for the 2009-10 academic year.
The alerts are sent out because the University of Minnesota is committed to the safety of our students, faculty, and staff, and in compliance with the federal Clery Act.
Alerts are not intended to alarm or frighten anyone.
Really? Let’s see, here are some gems from the University of Minnesota’s public safety department:
Amber, a coworker who goes to another local law school, is going to invest in a talking stick:
Amber: “I’m bringing a talking stick to my seminar. There are two boys in it who think out loud, and just ramble on! Last class I’m sitting there wondering, ‘Do I really have to listen to this?!’ and one of the boys said, ‘Wait, I just need to finish this thought!’ and I wanted to scream ‘OH NO YOU DON’T! YOU HAVE NO COHERENT THOUGHTS! SHUT UP!”
And apparently Dolly Parton is still alive and well:
Amber: “Oh, and that Dolly Parton girl! The twins have been out EVERY SINGLE DAY since school started! And they are just tan and jiggly. I wonder how she gets them so tan…oh, and every time she breathes they quiver like Jello. It’s SO distracting!”
The now-1Ls are fully oriented. I hope.
The past few days consisted of constant information sessions, Q&As, herding, “mingling” and moving furniture for 220 people.
Oh, and plenty of free food and coffee.
I am tired and amused, which isn’t a terrible way to start 2L year. Now excuse me while run off to the office…
The rising number of google search hits I am getting for variations of “Dennis University of Minnesota law student” is probably a good indication that more UMN 1Ls are discovering the website.
Hi.
A few quick things:
And if you feel inspired to start your own blog, read over this list first so you won’t get in trouble.
Welcome, and go Mondale High!
My most recent post over at The Shark is about the importance of “networking” within law school. The idea is to create a base of meaningful acquaintances. The semi-rambling post is here.
I’m reliving orientation as an orientation assistant. The law school is really responsive to student feedback, so a lot of the boring and useless things from last year’s orientation were axed. Some of the 1Ls were still bored, but they have no idea how much better their orientation is.
Besides an awkward, overlong vegetable analogy, orientation has gone well. None of the speakers said anything crazy and none of the 1Ls irreparably embarrassed themselves. I think asking for anything more is unrealistic.
We even did a quick etiquette session in my orientation group where the other orientation leaders and I told the 1Ls how not to be obnoxious.
I figure if my 1Ls can avoid doing those five things, they’ll be fine.
I thought about writing a grand “1L summer retrospective” post, but that would be duplicative of my “one year in Minnesota” post and way too exhausting to do right now, so, quickly, the highlights of summer:
The summer was hilarious, but I’m ready to start the school year.
Harley: “Wait, wait, wait, so you’re telling me that the folded laundry wasn’t there for me to roll in?”
