Class ended (I’ll get to that later) and my first final is tomorrow.
Here are some pictures to prove that this finals season isn’t all about junkies and gloom:
The ersatz police dog:
The junkies living underneath me were evicted yesterday. The management company secretary said that booting the junkies out was a nightmare, and the building owner called and to apologize for ever renting to them.
The junkies made this semester rough. They screamed at all hours of the night, blocked and trashed the hallways, broke windows, and even fired a gun.
I’m hammering out my Family law outline when I find a snippet of Professor W among my notes:
Professor W: “It is your responsibility to tell me if you cannot hear me. My mic is not working. It doesn’t like me. It senses that I am afraid of it as a technical device and stops working just to test me. That’s just my imagination right?”
Get eight hours of sleep. Skipping on sleep is like not filling an empty gas tank because you are in a hurry. And unlike the silly driver, AAA can’t help a fried and sick law student.
You do not have time to battle acne, obesity, and caffeine withdrawal during finals. Plus, the fake-food is just going to drain your wallet and make you feel sluggish anyway. So go to the grocery store and stock up on your apples, peppers, bananas, nuts, cucumbers, & etc. Just don’t be “loud crunching guy” at the library or we will pelt you with oranges.
It is spring in Minneapolis…
Professor W: “What’s so wrong with swearing? The most wonderful word in the English language is that four letter word that begins with “f” and ends with “k.”
Professor A: “Someone asked me to record today’s class because they said they were sick. I couldn’t tell if they were sick-sick or just sick of class.”
Professor A: “Like everything else in the internal revenue code, this is misleading and needlessly complex…”
Note: the “Best Week Ever” (BWE) posts are summaries of the prior week.
The past two weeks whizzed by. I don’t know what to say.
The law school warns us that lawyers and law students are more susceptible to alcoholism than the general population. And yet…
Professor A: “Let me apologize if I appear meaningless and rambling today. I had to get up at 4am to catch my flight and I’m not sure if I know what the hell is going on.”
Professor A: “I don’t usually dress up this much to class but I wanted to show you guys what I wore to last night’s banquet!”
Professor W: “Is Mr. Jack here? Mr. Jack? Ah yes. So the footnote on page 701 reminds me of you. Are you embarrassed?”
Jack: “I’m slightly embarrassed, Mam.”
Professor W: “Well the note reminds me of you.”
Jack: “Why is that Mam?”
Professor W: “Because the litigant calls everyone Mam, just like you do.”
Jack: “Well, in my defense Mam, I did offer to call you Young Miss.”
Professor W: “Why use two words when one will do?! Besides both are equally inappropriate.”
Dinkytown is still one of my favorite places to spend my breaks in between classes. Dinkytown is the University of Minnesota’s student village, and just far enough from school to not be infested with law students.
Dinkytown is home to most of UMN’s Fraternities and Sororities, including Gamma Eta Gamma, the law school fraternity. I lived in Dinkytown during my first semester of law school and love passing by my old haunts.
The Kitty Kat club is where the Twilight lesbian parties were held:
Oh, I am a terrible hypocrite!
I encourage the 1Ls to blog, especially when they are busy. “The busy times are when it is most important to blog!” I say. “You’ll thank yourself for writing!”
So of course I don’t condescend to blog when I get busy. Do as I say, not as I do right? I feel like a governor…
Luckily the free-for-all that is “discussion time” in my family law class is the perfect time to blog! I am so not slacking at this…
So, what happened last week?
Well, the most exciting thing about last week was the heat! I think it got to 80 degrees one day, but maybe I’m exaggerating… maybe it was 90 degrees, or 100…
Regardless, it was warm, and the grass came out:
Last night Matt, Judd, and I celebrated our team’s Trivia win at the Lowertown Bulldog. We are walking back to my car when I announce my plans to drop out of law school:
The fun continues in Family Law:
Professor W: “What about gambling? Does anyone gamble? Who has ever gambled? Jill?”
Jill: “Well, I bet on sports. It’s like drinking a beer while watching a game! If you have $5 riding on it then the most boring game becomes the most exciting thing you have ever seen in your life!”
What a busy, hilarious week. There is too much to write about, so I am settling for pictures and captions. This is choppy, but appropriate given the state of things…
This week featured a massive iced-tea spill at the office. Amber is cackling as I run to fetch napkins:
Last week I decided to stop wasting my time.
I quit a clerkship, dropped a pair of toxic “friends” and told the boyfriend that I not getting any younger, these ankles are swelling, and it is time to finalize our adoption and mortgage plans…
Well, maybe not that last part, (That is for this week!) but I have realized that this blog is one of the things that is wasting my time.
This blog is supposed to be a journal and a time saver. It is neither.
I was leaving my apartment building this morning when I saw a man run across the street. He clutched a soda and started shouting at me:
Sodaman: “Hey, can you hold the door for me?”
Me: “Uh, sure.
Sodaman: “Thanks. I live in apartment #45…just don’t want the police to come and…”
Today in family law Professor W told us what we already suspected:
Professor W: “The correlation between divorce grounds and the rate of divorce is weak. Sort of like the correlation between doing well in law school and doing well in practice… […]
Spring break was exhausting.
The week was strewn with awkward middle-of-the-day appointments and my entire salary went to the vet.
I come home from work on Saturday night to find my apartment covered in scat and blood.
Apparently stress caused the Rottweiler to have a bacterial imbalance, and erm, yeah. Blood. Everywhere. It was disgusting.
I was on the phone with Madre Jansen while scrubbing the blood from the floor:
Me: “Ugh.”
Madre Jansen: “What’s wrong grasshopper?”
Me: “I’m scrubbing blood from the floor. The Rottweiler is having issues again. I’m going to vet.”
Madre Jansen: “This is getting expensive. Maybe you should give the dog back to the humane society.”
Me: “Ugh. We’ll see. I still want to make her into a handbag.”
Madre Jansen: “Maybe she’s on her period and – excuse my language – just a sloppy bitch.”
I laughed so hard that I almost dropped my phone in the blood.
Mom cursing = hilarity every time.
It was my third vet trip within a week. Harley did a good impression of my face when I saw the bill:
