Law School Archives - Page 17 of 37

Firemen, Tax Law, and the Great wall of Turkey

November 25, 2009

This morning the dog woke me up shortly before 7am like “It’s poopy time! Take me out or suffer!”

We were walking down the street within three minutes because I still regret the last time I made him wait.

In my hurry to get him outside I didn’t do any hair or teeth brushing, so the dog peed on poles as I tried to light the poles on fire with my morning dragon breath. It was like a blow-torch of funk.

7am is the best time to walk the dog because all of the school children are at the bus tops. The Somali girls are afraid of the dog but the Mexican boys love him.

We got to the end of the block when two huge fire trucks swung onto the street and stopped right in front of us. I was suddenly floodlit and I couldn’t decide whether to bust out with “RING THE ALARM” or not.

The firemen stepped out of the truck like “welcome to the gunshow” in such an annoyed, unhurried way that I could tell this was a response some old lady who fell and called the fire department through her life alert. Apparently my dragon breath didn’t lite anything on fire after all…

One hour later I was in Tax law. This week’s topic is like-kind exchanges and I was so unspeakably confused that I didn’t even know how to articulate my confusion.

I spent the last 10 minutes of class hunched over, flustered, and staring hopelessly at the problems the professor was whizzing through on the board. What the…

I have never felt so confused in law school. I was so flustered that I skipped Employment law, went home, and walked the dog. I was too disoriented to pay attention in employment law, so it will have to wait until after the break.

After today’s second dog walk, I went to the Mall of America. I have not been to the mall in a long time and had forgotten how ridiculous the mall is: blaring music, bitchy sales clerks, and ridiculous ads. I felt like Zoolander would pop around the corner any second and strike a pose.

I was at the mall because I needed to go to LensCrafters for a contact fitting. I lost my glasses this weekend at the Saloon, so I figured prescription contacts are a safer (and cheaper) alternative. On the way out of the mall, I smelled a Hollister store from five stores away and remembered that I was out of cologne.

Hollister seemed full of bored teenage employees until I actually needed a cashier. Nevermind that I didn’t just walk out of the store and actually hunted down a cashier down to purchase a $40 bottle of cologne… He didn’t say a word to me and barely made eye contact, but I wasn’t going to lecture the 16 year old on good customer service because he obviously hated his job and not making commission.

So I was drenched in the Hollister cologne when I walked into work shortly thereafter. It was hard to get into the building today because the great wall of turkey blocked the building’s entryway.

My company gives out turkeys to its 7,000-odd employees. The frozen turkeys were in big white boxes that were trucked in and stacked on giant pallets. There was a solid 6 foot wall of turkey boxes which I had to walk around to get to work.

I picked up my turkey on the way home. It’s in the freezer now. I’ll figure THAT disaster later.

I was only home briefly to drop off the turkey before turning around and going to Innuendo for Trivia Night with Joel and Kurt. We came in second place to this overly intense group of regulars. The win of the night was coaxing Jake the Trivia Host to play the Halle Berry. Aye!

My only class tomorrow is Tax, and I hope it’s not as awful as today… unrealistic expectations?

2L Fall

Professor A’s motive

November 23, 2009

If my tax professor is anything, he is honest:

Professor A: I am forcing you guys to learn about like-kind exchanges for three reasons:

I had to learn it, and if it was good enough for me, it’s good enough for you.
It’s just torture, and I just enjoy seeing everyone squirm!
I think it’s important, whether or not you take any other tax classes, to have some exposure to a tax-free transaction licensed and approved by the tax code.

Fret, Tension, & Gladiators: Best Week Ever 12

November 22, 2009

Amber fretted about finals at work today:

Amber: I am not looking forward to my week. You’d think I wouldn’t be so stressed out about a two-day week, but this is sort of the last breath of freedom before finals – but only, it’s NOT a fresh breath because I have commitments with NORMAL people who do not understand the madness that law students have to go through.

What makes law school finals stressful is not the material, but the curve. Our grades are not based on what we know, but on how much more we know than our equally-competent¹ peers.

There are miserable students live in the library during November. Most of us don’t want to become that goonish, vampire-like study-carrel dweller, but we all want to do well.
This is why finals season feels like a SAW sequel: how much are you willing to give to stay alive? An arm? A leg? Your right toe? Dum dum dum…
A lot of us are saying “fuck it.” The job market is too slim to ruin our health and social lives for an arbitrary grade. It is more important to just learn the material as best we can and retain sanity.

This week was busy even without the unnecessary finals panic. There was the crushing weekly reading, work, and an oral argument that almost did not happen.

I have to work on my Vanna White smile for class. Some of my classmates are getting exponentially more inappropriate as the semester progresses and it’s hard not to glare.
There is one girl in particular who asks such amazingly off-topic questions that it will shock NO ONE when she raises her hand one day and asks:

Off-Topic Girl: “Professor, you were talking about x, and that reminds me – sorry if this outside of the scope of our class – but, what is the meaning of life? Can you speak to that?”

That’s going to happen before the end of the semester. Guaranteed.²

Aside from the circus that is school, I’ve spent my evenings and afternoons at work. And this weekend I went out on Friday and Saturday.

We started Friday at The Eagle’s happy hour, and then later that night went to The Saloon. On Saturday we went to this gladiator-themed gay bar called Gladius. The bar tenders at Gladius wear these little leather gladiator-skirts…with running shoes… and there was a boy trying SO HARD to sell a tray of these red shots that looked exactly like DayQuil (in the DayQuil cup and everything!) Fail.

The music at Gladius was impressive, and we spent some serious boomkat time on the dancefloor.³ The party continued at The Saloon, where I managed to get my glasses stolen.

The Saloon has a heater right above the dancefloor, so Eric and I took off our blazers and put them on a speaker. My overpriced plastic frame glasses were too light and kept slipping, so I set them on my blazer.

When I picked up the blazer the glasses were gone. Dum dum dum. Angela Lansbury had already gone to bed, so that case went cold pretty quickly.

I’m going into for a contacts fitting on Tuesday. I figure contacts are a more practical investment than another pair of lose-able/steal-able glasses.

I only have class on Monday and Tuesday this week, and nothing but Tax Law on Wednesday. The rest of the week will be spent working and outlining full time, but hopefully a little less stressful than Amber’s week.

¹ And it’s really a shitshow at UMN law, where the 98/99% bar passage rate means that even the people with the lowest GPAs are competent enough to practice law.
² Minnesota nice has gone out the window. Sure, off-topic girl is annoying, but a lot of people are just downright bitter. If I can hear the bitchy comment from two rows away, or read it on gchat screen on a nearby laptop, then off-topic girl will find out eventually.
³ Will and I were the only ones on the dancefloor, because Joel and Eric were too busy socializing. And no, although some minimal voguing was done, there were drops or duckwalks.

Just Sayin / Law School

Why I rock pink

November 21, 2009

I don’t understand the point of these University of Minnesota crime alerts. The theme seems to be: “Young-ish black men wearing dark clothes mugged someone. Watchout.”

I’m sure the police are frustrated when the only description they get is “I dunno. It was a black dude. Youngish… dark clothes.” – but passing that unhelpful description on to the student body probably sends one message: “If you see a young black male: be very afraid!”

This is why I rock pink.

Here’s today’s crime alert:

On Thursday, November 19 at approximately 6:30 p.m., a 21-year-old University of Minnesota student was the victim of an armed robbery near Marcy Park, off campus in the Dinkytown neighborhood.
The victim was at the intersection of 7th Street SE and 11th Avenue SE when he was approached by two males. One of the suspects pointed a silver handgun at the victim and ordered him to the ground. While the victim was on the ground, the suspects took his backpack and ran south-bound from 7th Avenue SE in between 10th and 11th Avenue SE. The victim was not injured.
The first suspect is described as a black male between 20 and 30 years of age, approximately six feet, two inches tall with a medium build. The suspect was wearing a baggy black hooded sweatshirt with the hood pulled up and black baggy jeans. The suspect held the sliver handgun in his left hand.
The second suspect is described as a black male between 20 and 30 years of age, approximately five feet, eight inches tall with a medium build. The suspect wore glasses and had short black curly hair, and was wearing a dark hooded sweatshirt and dark pants.

2L Fall

Shitshow

November 19, 2009

I was at work when I decided to check my email. It was 1:30pm, and the plan was to work until 6pm and then go home to prep for tomorrow’s oral argument.

I had about six hours of prep time scheduled for tomorrow, but I figured a few more hours tonight couldn’t hurt.¹

Thank god I decided to check my email, because I saw an email from my moot court instructor reminding me that my oral argument is TODAY AT 4PM!

Almost shat myself. My weeks are planned to the second, and this entire week’s schedule was built around the (mistaken) assumption that the argument was Friday at 4pm. I must have entered the oral argument date incorrectly three weeks ago and (mis)planned according! Everything was ripe with fail.

I shut down my computer, raced to my car, and started practicing my opening statements on the speed drive home.

I slapped on my suit and then bolted to school with an hour to spare before my argument. I didn’t bother bring my laptop to school because it doesn’t print to the school computers anymore. I would just print from the library computers. No problem right?

Wrong!

I went to the library’s fourth floor computer lab – full.
I went to the downstairs computer lab – full, of a class of LLMs or something…
I went back upstairs, and one of my awesome² 3L friends let me print from her computer.

I then went downstairs to one of the non-printing/public computers to do additional research, but the creepy unemployed man³ sitting next to me kept quizzing me on what I was looking up and extolling the virtues of LexisNexis (I was on Westlaw.)

The hobo started to lecture me on the evils of the criminal justice system so I skipped off to the-then abandoned school cafeteria to finish prepping. The cafe closes around 2pm, so there were only a few stray 1Ls, but no hobos…

20 minutes before the argument I had a weird feeling – I felt prepared!

I had EIGHT hours set aside to prep for this stupid oral argument and I felt PREPARED after a single hour! A single hour which was mostly spent running around like a headless chicken! I felt both empowered and hopelessly stupid at the same time, which is exactly how 2Ls are supposed to feel.

The argument went well, and the mistakes my instructor pointed out in his critique were not things that I would have avoided with more prep time. I’m fairly natural during oral arguments, but I have to be careful not to channel Nancy Grace.⁴

I left school around 5pm. I no longer had to spend all day Friday prepping for the oral argument, so I felt like I had an inordinate amount of time on my hands.

And now it’s almost 9pm, and I don’t know what just happened to the past four hours…hm.

¹ I bought a new suit jacket before work because my old one had a bullet hole in it.
² Awesome, life saving, super heroic…
³ Before you start cracking jokes this was NOT a law student but a random “might be homeless” dude.
⁴Which I sort of did when I pleaded with the court not to assist the Senators of Moot in perpetrating a betrayal of the taxpayer’s trust… my moot court instruct was all, “WOAAAAAAAH there skipper!” I wished at that moment that I had a power bob to toss…

Law School / on the record

Professor E silences the Beaver

November 18, 2009

The one thing I love about my Real Estate Law professor is her ability to control the classroom while keeping a smile on her face.

Yesterday, Eager Beaver, a boy who actively participates in class, was particularly eager to answer Professor E’s questions.

Towards the end of class, Jill was visibly annoyed by Beaver’s participation.

Professor E asked another question to the class. Beaver’s hand shot up. Jill muttered dark threats under her breath and was obviously considering how to make it look like an accident…

Professor E caught Jill’s look of sheer hatred, and then turned to Beaver and said, “You’ve been really good about participating today. How about we give someone else give a chance who hasn’t had the opportunity to speak yet? (then turns to the class) Who wants to speak?”

Other Professor E posts:

Law School – 2L

The bus I wasn’t officially on

November 17, 2009

I did not go to school yesterday morning. Instead, I took the dog around lake Calhoun and reexamined my reasons for being in law school.

Something wasn’t working and it was time to figure it out.

In hokey legal format, here are my findings of fact:

My primary career goals since high school have involved my creative work.
The purpose of college (now law school) was to satisfy my intellectual curiosity and to put something on my resume besides “starving artist, see portfolio.”
Because I wanted to do “well” in college (and now law school) I’ve placed my creative work on the backburner for the past six years.
The result is a constant, pervading sense of guilt and failure because I am not working towards primary goals and I am noncommittal to my “backup plan” because it is, well, a backup plan.¹

I felt liberated. But before I could celebrate, the dog snapped me back to reality by dragging me six feet to chase a flock of geese. Chaos ensued. The geese were not amused.

To say that I am noncommittal to law school is unfair. I felt noncommittal because I carried this vague² notion that in law school there is a top prize – one that I did not want to pursue because I knew it would be disastrous³ for me.

To say that law school is a backup plan is also unfair. This isn’t a situation of “if the creative stuff doesn’t work out I can become a lawyer.” The purpose of law school for me to satisfy my intellectual curiosity⁴ and make me eligible for a career that will support my creative work.⁵

Law school is meeting those expectations and this vague sense of dread about not doing what I don’t want to do anyway is counter-productive. I decided yesterday to dismount the hamster wheel and spent the first half of the day on creative work and went to the Walter library to study around 3pm.

The reading was much easier once I reminded myself why I was doing it.

After a few hours at the library I went onto facebook. I saw the name of a high school friend in the “upcoming birthdays” list. She was a year younger than me, had a crazy laugh, and was one of the few people from my high school that went to college.

I hadn’t spoken to Karen in a while, so I clicked on her profile. I was horrified when I saw that the posts her wall were all variations of “I miss you, rest in peace.” She died earlier this year. If there was anything to solidify my “life goals reaffirmation” kick, that was it.

¹ So we have a self-sabotaging situation going on because (subconsciously) I feel like if I do too well in law school, that I would neglect my goals for three years just to end up in a 90-hour a week situation where I wouldn’t have time to do any creative work. Like Tim Ferris, I’m not interested in being the bitter fat man with Benz, or like the attorney who told us that she spent years in a miserable job just because “it was one of the many carrots that are dangled before you in law school.”
²…and completely ridiculous.
³ The mindset that there’s Skadden and then hippie-law. Nothing else.
⁴ Sort of like a finishing school. If I went out into the world with just by UMiami degree I would have felt grossly undereducated. If one learns nothing else in law school, it’s how to work hard.
⁵ …instead of extinguishing it. And it doesn’t matter if this means practicing at a small/med firm, legal research company, or managing a Starbucks.

2L Fall Summaries

Best Week Ever 11: Reboot

November 16, 2009

It feels like fall, it feels like finals.

The leaves lasted for (what feels like) two weeks. Some trees dropped their leaves immediately, whereas others went out in style:

That’s over now. Almost all of the trees are bare. The neighborhood feels both naked and urban because the buildings are no longer hidden by the trees.

The darkness is as glaring as the bare trees. It is pitch black by 5:30pm, so the evening commute feels like 30 days of night with potholes.

But I was warned. When I first came to law school the 2Ls warned me:

Scary 2L: “Finals are bleak. It will be dark when you go to school and dark when you come home.”

Insert a Dr. Evil cackle, and you have your typical doomsday-prophesizing 2L…coming to a cover of an Enquirer near you!

The darkness is why I spend as little time in the law school as possible. The classrooms are in the basement, so students who don’t make an effort to leave for lunch end up as pale as vampires.¹

Besides avoiding vampires, my aim this coming week is to take better care of myself. The past few weeks were disastrous for my health – it’s as if I said, “Hey! Finals are coming up! How about I get as little sleep as possible, eat shitty food, stop working out, and then pump up the caffeine – surely they make caffeine IVs – and then I can have a nice Michael Moore chin to keep me warm and cushy for finals.”

Sexy.

The turkey is the only thing that needs to be festively plump this month.² The marathon training begins in earnest tomorrow. Now excuse me while I get some of that much-needed sleep.

¹ These are the same students who can be found hissing at whisperers in the library… I think they are trying to keep with the theme.
² And the only thing that needs a turkey neck, mmkay?

Law School

Venti or grande?

November 11, 2009

I’m cranky, but the nice thing about law school is that one is never alone…

I walk into Real Estate Law:

Me: “Good Afternoon, Jill.”
Jill: “Hey, how are you?”
Me: “Eh. I think I’m over law school.”
Jill: “Me too. I really enjoyed 1L year but this year I just want to kill someone.”

Yikes.

The longer I am in law school, the less I see myself practicing, and the more I suspect that I am wasting my time.

…so I started researching English doctorate programs.

I opted to go to law school instead of the English PhD route because senior year I was so disgusted by some of my professors who read random theories into texts that couldn’t support them. It was a type of academic “scholarship” that was essentially creative writing masked as literary criticism.¹Shakespeare, Elvis, and McDonald’s in the African diaspora…

I rather create than criticize, but the MFA-professors at my undergrad always seemed to have a badge of inferiority because of their lack of doctorate degrees.² The question was always, “How well was your book received? Did it sell? When is your next book coming out?”

I am going to try and get into a literary theory class next semester and pick my professor’s brain about career options, and to see if a PhD is worth it.

If all else fails, I’ll be spend the first few years after law school as an underpaid attorney or an overeducated barista. Venti or Grande? Would you like a pastry or my legal opinion with that?

¹ …by people too uncreative to write an original work. This was also rampant in Art History classes, where there is a razor thin line between “advanced research” and “bullshit.”
² It seemed absolutely ridiculous that the people who were creating work were somehow less prestigious than those who did nothing but criticize it. But that was just my perception…

Law School / on the record

Jill says buy a helmet

November 10, 2009

I am a little clumsy, so I spend a significant amount of time pancaked on the law school’s stairs, frantically picking up my books.

Usually no one catches the shit show, but Jill entered the stairwell right after I fell, coffee cup in hand…

Jill: “OH MY GOD ARE YOU OKAY?”
Me (getting up): “Oh, I am on a mission to douse every stairwell in the law school with coffee…”
Jill: “What?”
Me: “Nothing. Just clumsy I guess! I should buy a pair of knee pads…”
Jill (scoffing): “Looks like you’d be better off investing in a helmet.”

See also: The Best of Jill.

2L Fall / 2L Fall Summaries / Joel

Exhausted, Bitter, and Dating (BWE 8 and 9)

November 7, 2009

There is a scene in the latest SAW movie where a lawyer finds out that the key to save her is in the stomach of another person.

The lawyer takes a circular saw and immediately tries to slice the guy’s stomach open to get the key. Screaming and chaos ensues.

During that scene I turned to Joel and whispered, “THAT is law school.”

And it’s true. The size of the saw depends on the intensity of the curve. Vrrrm! Bitches!

The last two weeks have been the most irritating academic weeks of my life. I am tired, mortified, and annoyed. Sing it with me now!

I am always amused when I write these “Best Week Ever” week-in-review posts for difficult weeks.The chipper title is based on the premise that there is no such thing as a bad day. Yes, my name is Pollyanna and I am here to rock.

There is always something amusing happening and positive way to spin the worst disasters short of zombies taking over the earth.

The “Best Week Ever” title is basically a reminder, before I begin writing about an awful week, that things are not so awful, and that I should keep the bitching to a minimum and focus on the amusing things.

And amusing things did happen….really…week 9 started with a Tax law midterm. All the studying I did for the midterm was an utter waste of time and my answers were as eloquent as Miss Teen South Carolina:
“Um, capital gains, and the Iraq and all the little expenditure children…and stuff. That’s hot. And so totally deductible!”
After the epic fail Tax exam I turned around and finished my moot court brief.

The problem with the timing of the brief was that it was due on Wednesday and I have four classes Tuesdays and Wednesdays which means I have at least 3-4 hours worth of reading to do on top of life.

And the fact that Modern Real Estate went from a fluffy review of property to a brutally complicated tour of mortgage rights…didn’t help.

I worked on the brief at Dunn Brothers and there was a dramatic scene with a racist homeless guy who did not notice the four black people in the cafe. Screaming, N-bombs, and hilarity. The awkwardness was amazing.

I also officially started dating Joel. One night Joel turned to me and said,

Joel: “Um, we’ve been dating for five weeks now, and I was just wondering where this is going?”
Me: “Five weeks? What? Law school has me in a time warp…where am I? What year is it?”
Joel: “So I was wondering what my facebook status should be…”
Me: “Whatever you’d like! Well, don’t you DARE put married until you put a ring on it…”
Joel: “Uh, okay…”
Me: “SILENCE! I am channeling Sasha Fierce! Watch the wind sway my hair and be dazzled by my funky fresh moves…Hootyhoo! Time to get back to the Tax regs…”

So we became official during the beginning of week 8, and last night I met his parents and brother. Apparently I am the first boyfriend he has ever brought home to a formal dinner. Eek!

No plates were thrown or shots fired, so I guess everything went well? Maybe?

Anyway, I survived the parental inspection, the tax midterm, and the moot court brief. Coming up next is: Finals!

And the 2L fun continues…

Law School / on the record

Professor E makes a value judgment

November 4, 2009

Glasses on book by Dariusz Sankowski via Stocksnap

Yesterday’s topic in Real Estate Law was Due-On-Sale clauses in mortgages. These clauses allow a lender to demand repayment of the entire loan amount upon the sale of property:

Professor E: “The game was hiding the sale from the lender. Every market had a few lawyers that people knew would be willing to do this. So people who wanted to cheat their lenders would go to these lawyers…well, I guess saying “cheat” is a value judgment isn’t it? So anyway they would go to these lawyers to cheat their lenders…”
Jill: “Wait! You seem to be implying it is wrong to do this.”
Professor E: “You’re right!”

This triggered a 10 minute discussion on the ethics of lawyers helping clients hide transfers of property interests from lenders.

Professor E: “Wow, maybe this is an avoidance of the next topic because I’ve never had so much participation!”

And she was right. The next topic was mortgage backed securities. Eek.

Another day in tax law

November 3, 2009

In a perfect world…

Professor A: “Cleaning supplies should be deductible. Maybe in a perfect world the IRS would monitor the spic-and-span, the toilet paper, and all that crap and see if it is taxable, but they don’t.”

Words of Wisdom:

Professor A: “This is another one of my tax rules: you can’t have your cake and eat it too. If a tax scheme looks too good to be true, it is. And you and your client will get into trouble if you participate.”

Other Tax law posts:

Note: I refer to my tax professor as “Professor A” simply because “Professor T” was taken. The naming issue was really bad during my first semester when I had Contracts, Conlaw, and Civil Procedure.

2L Fall / Law School / on the record

Law school is about free food

October 30, 2009

The law school can sense when I am cranky. I was sitting in the law school cafeteria when got an instant message from Jack. He was in class, and another chair had just collapsed.

This happened to me last year:

Fail.

I was going to write a post about the ridiculous spending patterns at the law school: we have a student lounge with a flat screen TV, pool table, and video game machines, but our classrooms smell¹, the seats collapse, and the temperature control is underwhelming. A can of febreeze would do far more good than a pinball machine.

So, I started writing my cranky post when the administrator in charge of orientation² came by my table and gave me a handwritten thank you note and Take 5 candy bar for serving as an orientation leader.

Then, on my way to class, the Lexis representative had a spread of (good) candy and muffins. She was busy and tired, so I didn’t even have to talk to her to get the food…although I did tell her how much I loved Best Authority.
Muffin and candy bar in hand, law school was suddenly awesome. Who cares that that the class rooms smell like snot? They feed me!
I walk into my Conflicts class full of sugary goodwill and see Jill:

Me: “The Lexis lady has free muffins and candy bars!”
Jill: “WHAT?”
Me: “Free food! The Lexis lady is giving out muffins and candy. And you don’t even have to talk to her. It’s amazing.”
Jill: “You mean she’s giving away muffins ON THE DAY OF THE WLSA BREAST CANCER BAKE SALE?! That bitch!”
Me: “I was just trying to spread the good word…”

Jill stifles a scream then storms out of the room.

Woops.

¹ I suspect they don’t shampoo the carpet.
² Aka, the “go to” lady who everyone loves.

2L Fall / humor / Law School / on the record

Sarah gets sick

October 30, 2009

Sarah sits two rows behind me in my Conflicts of Law class.

The seating situation of the classroom is important to explain the hot messitude, so here is a diagram:

The blue rectangles are the tables. The seating is tiered.

I sit in seat A.
Sarah is in seat B.
Brenda is in seat C, and Bill is in seat D.
Jill is in seat E.

Because Sarah sits almost directly behind me, I cannot see her unless I fully turn around. I can easily see Bill and Brenda if I turn to the side. I can see Jill without turning.
So throughout Conflicts yesterday I kept hearing this nasty, mucusy coughing. It was the type of wet coughing that makes everyone who hears it visualize the gunk and puss sloshing around in the cougher’s throat.
Gross. I know.

The coughing was interrupted by that nasty “sucking my snot in” sound.

After a while it became distracting, so I turned slightly and looked at Bill and Brenda. Both looked horrified.

The second time I turned around, both Bill and Brenda had their faces covered with their jackets. Maybe someone farted?

The entire time I see Jill’s face becoming more and more distorted. She’s watching a train wreck.
I turn again and see that Brenda moved to the back row! Bill is shielding his face with his coat. Jill is beside herself.
I finally do an almost-discrete-but-not-quite turn and see the cause of the commotion: Sarah is disgustingly sick. Snot is streaming all over her face, and she was snorting, sniffing, and coughing away. H1N1 was flying around the room like dust particles from an old pillow. We were all going to catch the plague, and die, and miss our finals.

After class Jill exchanges a frantic look with me and mouths: “THAT IS SO GROSS!”

In the hallway Jill explained:

Jill: “Oh my god, Sarah is so disgusting! She was wiping her snot with her FINGERS! WITH HER FINGERS!! Why would you come to school like that?”
Me: “Well, maybe she had an allergy attack or something… and Conflicts is sort of a hard class to miss.”
Jill: “That’s just unacceptable. Fail.”

Just then, Sarah comes out of the classroom. Jill yelps and practically jumps across the hall, almost knocking over some 1Ls in the process. I expected her to point and scream “PLAGUE!!! PLAGUE!!! SHE BE SPREADING THE PLAGUE!! BURN THE WITCH!”

We’ll see if Sarah shows up today.

And yes, I am bringing a baggie of Kleenex and a mini-hand-sanitizer bottle as a gift for Sarah just in case today’s class is a repeat of yesterday’s hot messitude.

Law School / legal humor / on the record

Sorry, what?

October 29, 2009

It’s flu season…even in Conlaw:

Professor L: “So Jill, what was the compelling interested claimed by the school board?”
(Jack coughs)
Jill: “Well the school board argued that…”
(Jack coughs louder)
Jill: “…and then said that…”
(Jack coughs)
Jill: “…but the court didn’t buy it.
Professor L: “Sorry Jill, I missed that because someone was coughing. Repeat!”
Jack (mouthing): “SORRY!”

OTR: Sports overload & mass confusion

October 29, 2009

My tax professor has his priorities right:

Professor A: “I should have your midterms back, but I am going to three sporting events in the next three days instead of grading your papers…it’s a sports overload that my wife’s not very happy about…”

My employment law professor keeps warning us that the ERISA material is boring:

Professor I: “I guarantee you the ERISA preemption case is…uh…well, it’s not fun. Good luck with that! See you next week!”

(I actually think the ERISA regulations are interesting and get to read a lot of ERISA-cases at work.)

My Real Estate law class has gone from a dull review of property law to an ultra-complicated look at the secondary mortgage market and rights of the mortgagee upon non-payment

Professor E: “Let me just tell you where we are going to start on Monday because I feel like I did enough damage today...”

I think most of us are unspeakably confused in that class. Thank goodness employment law and conlaw II are still easy…

Law School / unsolicited advice

Table of Authorities Time Saver

October 28, 2009

Writing a table of authorities for my moot court brief was something that I dreaded.

I mentioned this to one of my classmates and she directed me to Best Authority, which is a Word plugin that automatically builds table of authorities. Score, score, score!

You need a LexisNexis student account to use Best Authority for free.

2L Fall / dogs / picture of the day

Busy, busy

October 27, 2009

After finishing the tax midterm I turned around and began fixing my brief for moot court.

I have been parked in my living room going on 10 hours, and Harley is not quite sure why I am home so much. He keeps shooting me glares like, “Bitch, where’s my biscuit?”

The ridiculousness ends tomorrow (until finals that is), thank goodness.

2L Fall / Law School

Taxation Midterm on Capital Gains, aka what the hell?

October 26, 2009

What in the hell was that? This tax midterm has been a rabid monkey on my back for the past week. I was either studying for it or thinking about how I should be studying for it… and all that energy was a complete, and utter waste.

It’s time to get my 80’s headband out and sing:

That’s right.

The exam had two questions. The first question was a very basic capital gains problem, but the second part of the question was so poorly written ambiguous that the 5 classmates that I spoke to afterward each interpreted the question in a different way.

And the second question was a multi-part beast that several partnership-related facts. We did not cover partnerships in class at all, so I had to do some on-the-spot digging in the tax regulations. This is probably ripe with fail. Womp. Good thing this is only 15% of my grade…

Anyhoot. I am moving on, and going to Dunn Brothers to work on my moot court brief.