The acceptance letters are out and the 0Ls are announcing themselves. Hi.
As a crusty rising 3L, I don’t blog about school much anymore. Law school lost its new car smell about a year ago. The pedals stick, and the engine leaks.
But I remember how useful law student blogs were to me during the summer before law school, so I feel obligated to throw some unsolicited advice out into the interweb. Grab your salt, and guard your loins.
And don’t worry. I’ll be concise. Here are 5 points:
1. Reconsider going to law school.
Now, when I tell an accepted law student to read Philalawyer’s letter, I get the same response: “Oh, well, gee, that sounds TERRIBLE! But well, it’ll be different for me.”
I have three things to say to that:
You may be smart, but you are an idiot.
You are the equivalent of the 18 year olds signing up for the military during a war, many of whom turn out not to be bulletproof.
You could do worse.
Just like joining the military is preferable to say, doing meth, law school is also not a terrible mistake for most people. It may be a waste of three years of your life and a lot of money, but again, it’s not meth. You’ll be fine. Maybe.
The most jarring thing about law school is the amount of unchecked douchebaggery going around. It’s absolutely shocking and needs to stop.
I am pretty sure that classroom etiquette sessions are part of my school’s orientation schedule next year, but the vast majority if schools don’t offer these sessions, so it is your duty not to be “that student” during orientation.
Also visit student blogs and go through the archives. Law student blogs are best orientation you can get.
Get eight hours of sleep. Skipping on sleep is like not filling an empty gas tank because you are in a hurry. And unlike the silly driver, AAA can’t help a fried and sick law student.
3. Eat healthy, skip on caffeine.
You do not have time to battle acne, obesity, and caffeine withdrawal during finals. Plus, the fake-food is just going to drain your wallet and make you feel sluggish anyway. So go to the grocery store and stock up on your apples, peppers, bananas, nuts, cucumbers, & etc. Just don’t be “loud crunching guy” at the library or we will pelt you with oranges.
So you are not taking my advice! You are coming to law school. You are starting blawgs. You have “JD” in your twitter usernames (we will address that later) and you are tweeting and emailing plenty of questions.
Let me point you to a few places for your pre-law reading pleasure:
Happy reading. I still think you should run (avoid the debt and anguish!) but if you insist on doing this law school thing, the law school blawg clique (see links to the left) will take care of you.
The temperature is above freezing for once, so I decide to take the Rottweiler on her first run.
We reach the Lake of the Isles before I realize that Gertrude does not run, at all.
She trots for a few seconds and then plants her bum on the sidewalk like, “Oh, you think you can rush me, foo?”
I panic. I am stuck in a park, during the daytime, with a dog!
This is a disaster.
Walking in a dog in Minnesota is like wearing a red polo in a Target store: an invitation for harassment. Walking a dog feel like having a big sign across my chest: “I AM APPROACHABLE AND WILL LISTEN TO YOUR OVERSHARE!”
The cliché of “Minnesota Nice” is really a euphemism for “Minnesota Batshit-crazy.”
The constant conversation-starting and overshare1 makes me feel like I walked into one huge group home. Strangers tell me about any dog they – or a friend – has owned, their AA meetings, their relatives’ social security checks, their children, juicy canker sores… it’s…just…terrible.
But I have a plan! I turn up my MP3 player so loud that everyone will know that I can’t hear them and then just avoid eye contact! Brilliant!
A few people actually wave and invade my personal space to get my attention, but I flash a curt smile and keep walking. The message is clear: “Sorry if I appeared approachable. I’m not. Bye now.”
The long dog walk was also a bit of a chore because the Rottweiler is so awkward. She dives into chest-deep snow banks and flails around as if she’s swimming. This is cute for exactly 12 minutes before I yank the leash and drag her home.
This Gertrude after she scaled a retaining wall:
What an awkward duckling. I think she suits me.
And my Minnesota-induced social anxiety is not limited to dog walks…
Edit: I wrote a rather lengthy post about the “crazy” I’ve encountered in Minneapolis, but I had some unexpected time to think due to internet problems and I decided that I was unfair.
Here are my findings of fact (what’s the point of a JD if I can’t inject legalese into blog posts?):
Heck, many of my now-regular readers thought this blog was socially inappropriate when I started law school. A flamboyant, non-anonymous law student? Blogging? Tweeting? What? Gasp. “That’s inappropriate!”
Not anymore. One year later, Huma and I aren’t shocking at all, are we? Watch us give fashion claws…
“Social appropriateness” is a safe, but also a surefire way to be bland. It’s just like how Kelly Clarkson sells, but we how really prefer Madonna, Gaga, and Beyonce.
My problem with my Minneapolis crazies is that I constantly feel harassed, but this may be the price of living downtown in any city.
At least I’m not bored.
1 And before you go there, there’s a difference between a blog that YOU have to look up and someone randomly oversharing on the street to a complete stranger. And if you have a problem with my foursquare updates, I won’t be offended if you unadd me from facebook, dear.
It’s that time of year again. Law school acceptance letters have gone out and the future victims students are trolling the student blogs.
My advice? Run.
If you’re not going to run, then consider these 5 tips:
Do not go to law school just because your humanities major did not give you any marketable job skills.
That’s like signing up for the military because you won’t condescend to work retail as a B.A. The legal job market collapsed last year. If you were looking for riches and employment, then try Starbucks or business school…or the military. At least they’ll pay for school if you survive.
When considering schools outside of the top 10 (or maybe top 20) focus on the schools in the state/market you want to practice in.
Your New Mexico JD isn’t as powerful in Maine, even if the New Mexico school is ranked slightly higher than Maine’s Bumble School of Law.
If you are choosing between a well-ranked school and a scholarship at a less prestigious school, ask whether the scholarship is contingent on your GPA or class rank.
Most students at these schools will lose their scholarships because of the curve. And yes, your competition is as smart and motivated to keep their scholarship as you are.
Much of the prep during the summer before law school is a waste of time.
Your time is best spent working, because your scholarship or loan money may not come in until classes start. Working out also won’t hurt, because law school is the land of coffee and pizza.
If you really want to know what law school is like then read law student blogs.
Again, I recommended that you run, so don’t batter me with nasty messages this fall about how I ruined your life because this blog convinced you that law school is all sunshine and lollipops. It is not.Run.
I like my dots aligned. That is why I was thrilled to finally figure out how to create a table of contents in MS Word. I’m sure this is super basic, but I was unawares, and thought I would share:
Step 1: Highlight your headers and format them using the header styles 1-3. The header styles should be under the “Home” tab.
Step 2: Once your headers are formatted, hit the “References” tab and select the “table of contents” option.
Word should automatically create a table of contents.
Before recapping the past few weeks, I offer my stressed-out 1L readers a metaphor. No, this isn’t about liability looming in the air or about tree-fruit. This is a metaphor about law school:
“Finals are like the last drop on a rollercoaster ride.”
Right now, I am at the peak of the final drop of the rollercoaster. The view is great, but the bullshitfun is about to start. What’s the worst that can happen?
Erm… Okay. Barring some Final Destination disaster (or a stray bullet) the worst that can happen is a C, maybe a C minus.
And that is why law school finals are like the last drop on a rollercoaster. Finals entail stress and work, but the GPA concerns are about as serious as the rollercoaster rider worried about yarking up a hotdog. Yes, it’s a real concern – C’s and puke suck – but worrying about law school finals is still very charmed position to be in.
You guessed it, I’m pulling the “some children are starving” card:
Or the laid-off-worker-with-family card, or the foreclosure card, or the mental health card… the point is that some people have real problems, and no, sorry, law school finals do not qualify. The worst that can happen is a bad grade, and the world will not end with a C. Trust me. (And even if you aim to be an associate at a posh firm, remember they get fired too.)
Whether I am making videos about finals, throwing shade in the library, or shaking because I have just studied for 13 hours straight, I always remember that finals stress is about as serious (and non-serious) as puking hotdogs after a rollercoaster ride. I’m sure I’ll find a mop.
So the review of the past few weeks?
There was a Great Wall of Turkey, and Thanksgiving at the boyfriend’s parent’s house.
Writing a table of authorities for my moot court brief was something that I dreaded.
I mentioned this to one of my classmates and she directed me to Best Authority, which is a Word plugin that automatically builds table of authorities. Score, score, score!
You need a LexisNexis student account to use Best Authority for free.
Is it that time of year? During the past week, I have received a disturbing number of angsty emails and direct messages from 1Ls along the line of “oh my god I’m drowning.”
Obviously my advice to “calm down, breathe, and just do” is falling on deaf ears so I’m going to give the panic crew an assignment, due by the end of next week: 5 steps to productivity.
1. Ditch the laptop.
Typically you do not need a computer to complete your reading assignments. Write the page numbers down on a piece of paper and leave the laptop in your locker. This way you can focus on Torts and Contracts, and not the fug blog, which is only mildly related to the tort of intentional infliction of emotional distress.
The rising number of google search hits I am getting for variations of “Dennis University of Minnesota law student” is probably a good indication that more UMN 1Ls are discovering the website.
Hi.
A few quick things:
This is a personal blog. There’s a handy disclaimer page here. The gist is that the posts on this site are not an official representation of our school. So don’t worry, the excessive dog posts are not negatively impacting the value of your degree. I think?
A semi-exhaustive outline of my first semester experience is here, and an outline of my spring semester is here. The point is that law school is fun and the winter is survivable. Everyone’s experience is unique, but you will survive with the help of coffee and long underbritches.
You can stop the dirt dig before you start. This blog has a steady readership and there’s nothing particularly scandalous on it. The pseudonyms “Jack and Jill” are used to quote about 50 different people, and although the quotes are funny, nothing is embarrassing or malicious.
And if you feel inspired to start your own blog, read over this list first so you won’t get in trouble.
I’m an orientation leader for my law school, so our 1Ls are definitely going to get a swig of the Morton’s. The point is: don’t panic and figure out what’s right for you.
We all know that guy or girl. Over at The Shark I have a post addressing annoying social networkers. I included 5 easy ways to avoid joining the irritating crowd. The post is here.
Dress appropriately – first impressions are important
Check the hormones – this isn’t a Maury episode.
Check the ego – it’s likely that you’re not the smartest cookie in the room anymore.
Don’t overshare – you’re not on Dr. Phil
Hold the hooch – this is professional school, not a Pitbull video.
And some advice for the new law school blawgers1 out there:
5 ways to stay out of trouble:
1. Use nicknames and composites
Give your professors and peers some privacy or Google’s cache will come back to haunt you.
We don’t really need to know that your Torts professor is named Professor Palsgraff. Professor Palsgraff is probably a nice person, but your impression of him and his teaching style may change during the semester, and your blog will still pop up under a search for “Professor Palsgraff” long after you’ve edited your entries or even after the entire blog is deleted.
There’s also a difference between writing “Professor Tort’s class is boring” and “Professor Palsgraff’s class is boring.” One statement is your opinion about a class, whereas the other statement can be viewed as your opinion about a professor – and although everyone from your school will know that “Professor Torts” is “Professor Palsgraff,” the difference is the level of respect and professionalism you show by omitting his name.
This goes double for peers. Your classmates are more likely to read your blog than your professors2 and more likely to stir up controversy. A simple way to avoid drammy is to pick 2-3 random names to use for composite characters.
This way you are writing about what happened without writing about a specific person. This avoids anyone from getting their feelings hurt and achieves the privacy and respect essential for maintaining a blawg while still passing the character fitness test for the bar.
Remember that a law student blogging about other law students and professors is really a future attorney writing about other future attorneys and actual attorneys. The less often you offend your peers, the easier your professional life is going to be.
You will have at least one annoying person in your section. I promise. You will be amazed how such a smart person can say and do such incredibly obnoxious things.
You will be offended, bitter, tired, and cranky at least once during your 1L year. I promise this as well. This the day when The Annoying will pop up and do something to really grill your cheese. And you will be upset, but that doesn’t mean you should blog about it.
The way to deal with The Annoying is to ignore them. An annoying person is sort of like a fart: it’s disruptive, embarrassing, and unpleasant, but no amount of bitching is going to make the smell go away any faster.
Bitching about someone in a blog post or to a law school friend is not going to make the situation any better and will only prolong your negative state.
So when someone is annoying: smile, ignore it, and let it go.
Example—Last year I wrote about the crazy section that I had Criminal law with. (At my school we have double-section classes).
And let me be clear: that section was filled with loons.
But towards the end of the school year the blog got an unexpected bit of publicity, and some people from that section read about my section’sless-than-stellar opinion about them. Random students from the other section then plotted to purposefully piss me off just so I would blog about them.
Now, their plans were foiled because they discovered my blog on the last day of school, but it would have been a rough semester if they caught on earlier.
The point: Ignore The Annoying, and avoid the drama in advance.
3. Bitch not about thy burden.
One of the rare times that I hung out with my section-mates last year was one day in between classes.
Several of us had to finish the reading for the upcoming class, but we couldn’t get any reading done because one of our section-mates sat at the table for 40 minutes and whined about how much he hated the class, the professor, and life.
The nice thing about law school is that your peers are going through a similar experience. Sure, there’s always going to be the rich kid with a job offer and the ivy league law school prep courses, but the majority of law students are going through the same stresses and pressures as you.4
You are not alone.
But just because you’re not alone does not mean that your peers or blog readers will indulge your whining.
I think what separates those who enjoy their first year and those who are miserable is attitude. You can choose to get things done, or to wallow and waste time. Sure, some people will suffer mental health issues and need help, but others will simply worry themselves in an unnecessary and counterproductive way.
Walking around offended – by your peers, workload, lack of sleep, or Lindsay Lohan – is not going to do anything for you besides increase your stress and ruin your health.
And trust me, the self-pitying blog posts, tweets, facebook status updates, and in-person bitching is not going to help you feel better because it is hard to feel good when you’re dwelling on how much things suck.
Don’t let your blog become place that reinforces negativity. Try to write critical rather than negative posts. Instead of vague complaints, think about what you’re really trying to say, and ask yourself if it’s worth posting.
4. Think Kylie, not Gaga.
There are multiple ways of delivering the same message. You can be fun and provocative without being vulgar.
Most law schools and employers will understand that a personal blog is a non-professional thing (as opposed to unprofessional) but that doesn’t mean you can unleash the crazy.
The litmus test: Would you be mortified if your law school’s dean read your post?
Note, the test is not “would you email this to the dean?” – I wouldn’t send an email about my dog’s bowel problems to anyone – but I also wouldn’t care if people read it. That’s the difference.
5. Keep it real.
Law students aren’t stupid. While no one wants to read posts that are negative or angst filled, we also don’t care to read sugar-coated posts written with an eye towards employers.
The “I love everyone, always” bit comes across as real and graceful as answer from Ms. Teen South Carolina:
If you are fake, then the best case scenario is that your classmates will think you are dull. The worst case scenario is that they’ll suspect you are insincere and well, stupid.5
And remember to blog about your experience. Orientation can be a blur, and it’s definitely something you’ll want to remember. If you are worried about your peers or finding time to spell check, simply write your post in outline format and save it as a draft. The point is to preserve the memories, not the published post itself.
You can clean it up and publish it later if you want.
1 Who I have been impressed with by the way. 2 And professors will read too by the way… 3 Chris Rocker also has a variation on the theme: “Keep it cute or put it on mute.” 4 There are law students who excel in law school while raising families. And although they possess super-powers, I guarantee you they spend more time being productive than stewing in their own misery 5 At least the US Americans…
The soon-to-be 1Ls are lighting up my inbox, and I’m starting to get duplicate questions.
The typical email starts with a variation of “Hi, I start law school the fall. I saw your blog, and didn’t get a chance to read it. Can you answer these questions?” I can, I did, and I will – but don’t be offended if you’re linked to this post (or this one).
Here are some of the common questions this week: 1L: “I’m thinking of getting a rolly backpack…and” A: No, no, no, no, no, no, NO. Do not. Put down the fug and step away slowly. Yes we see people considering them every year, and it confuses me. Assuming your law school has student lockers, there is no reason for you to carry around 5 law books at one time, so a rolly bag is unnecessary. I simply carry my books in my hand because typically I’m going to my locker to exchange one book for another. And I find that when I’m studying, I’m not going to focus on more than one or two classes, so dragging a stack of books to the library is unnecessary. Don’t be that guy or girl who looks like they are about to catch the next flight to fugville. See:Jill on backpacks
1L: “What supplements should I buy?” A: I recommend waiting for your professor to recommend a supplement. Check the syllabus. Some professors teach from the supplements, and other professors insist that you shouldn’t read anything but your casebook. I also recommend waiting to buy supplements until the middle of the semester when you have a better idea of what you don’t know. You’re not going to score any points or good will by bringing up obscure arguments from a hornbook. If you are inconsolably freaked out, then make a few purchases from West’s Nutshell series. These tend to be just enough to get you grounded in a subject. If you feel cheap, then wait until you get your LexisNexis and Westlaw passwords. Westlaw contains treatises like Wright & Miller (for Civil Procedure) and Lexis has course outlines.
1L: “I want to start a blog but I don’t know if I can keep up with it…” A: Assuming your blogging goals are somewhat similar to mine (see post here), then my best advice is to sign up for a blog at wordpress.com and give it a shot. The trick is to post every day, even if it’s just a sentence or two. The second you stop posting consistently is when your blog is most likely to die. And yes, most blawgs die. SeeThree Years of Hell, and Frugal
1L (following up): “Why wordpress?” A: WordPress is the standard for blogging software. WordPress.com accounts are free and easily customizable. The problem with blogspot and typepad blogs is that these services don’t have as many options and it is harder for people to comment on those blogs. Also, if you’re feeling fancy, you can get a dot com address for your wordpress.com blog for only $15-20 a year. I’m pretty sure this is what Huma of humarashid.com did. And please, when you get a new blog, don’t spam everyone’s blogs with your new address.
1L: “Okay, so I’ve seen in your fashion post that things can get really petty…are law students really that immature or is it just you?” A: Let me remind you that I am not Oprah. All of my advice comes with a hefty dose of salt. Wear what makes you feel comfortable. Just do so with the realization that some of your peers are as petty as I am (see here). Think of it like this: you are in professional school. Showing up looking like a hot mess for law school is the equivalent of accusing your coworkers of being immature because you decided to show up at the office in pink, bejeweled crocs. Now, yes, the fact that someone is sitting at the UMN library, enraged that a classmate is wearing flipflops is silly, but I think that flip flops during orientation is more akin to the pink crocs at the office. See Think Like a Woman, Act like a Man.
Female 1L: “If I start blogging will have creepy men hiding in the bushes outside of my apartment?” A: There will probably be creepy men hiding in the bushes outside of your apartment, but it won’t be because of your blog. Think of online privacy as a bicycle lock. Your average bicycle lock is going to stop the vast majority of bike thieves, but no bike lock can stop that rare, determined bike thief. The same thing is true for stalkers. The rare stalker is going to stalk regardless of how good your pseudonym is, and regardless of how carefully you guard your online presence. Frankly, so much information is available via public directories and information companies (like Lexis), that the rare crazy is not going to be stopped by anything but the Tazer x3 in your purse. So no, don’t post a picture of your apartment with the address and a challenge, but also don’t be afraid to use your real name – because frankly, it’s not a secret. See also: 3 years of hell, and Fresh Thought Soup.
And well, while that may be acceptable at some schools, I would like to reiterate my point in plainer language: although you are unlikely to get “into trouble” for wearing flip-flops to orientation, it is not a good idea to wear flipflops unless you receive an email or letter from your school that says “wear flipflops.”
In other words? Ladies, it will not kill you to look cute during orientation.
You don’t have to show up to orientation in stilettos, sporting a bucci bag, and doing the Halle Berry, but save the frump for finals.
It’s professional school, not the beach.1
Now, NYU Law may have people hiking around the city – but that’s atypical for law school.
At UMinnesota, they take the “class picture” during orientation. It’s a picture that gets blown up and put on a wall – and yes, the people wearing khakis and the Jesus-sandals look silly.
But seriously.
Show up in flipflops.
It’s fine.
Just remember that you knew better when you find yourself standing next to this girl.
Again, the idea is to look put-together, and not messy, stuffy, or awkward.
1And while I’m on my bitchy gay rant: no chipped nails please.
By request, here are my 5 simple rules for law school orientation:
5. Dress appropriately.
How you present yourself1 during orientation will shape how people think of you for the rest of the semester.
The appropriate style? Business casual — Think Banana Republic rather than yoga pants.
And no, you don’t need to buy designer clothes – the point is that you can look put-together without wearing your church clothes, or looking like a rental car agency manager (no high-water khakis please.)
My experience: There was a girl who wore the same thing throughout orientation: ass-cheek exposing shorts, a red tank top, an oversized hoodie, and her greasy hair in a sloppy bun. She was a super-smart girl, but she looked like she smelled, and was called uncharitable names (like slutty hobo) for the rest of the year.
4. Check the hormones.
This isn’t the first day of college.
Bedding your classmates will come back to haunt you. This is professional school, not Tinder.
3. Check the ego.
It takes people a while to understand that law school is actually a level playing field. Unless you ditched a full ride at Harvard for Nowhere University, you are probably not the smartest kid in your class. So be careful, because the section-mate you are bragging to just might be a PhD or getting a dual degree in Rocket Science.
Also, no one cares how much time you spent reading hornbooks during the summer, how prestigious your undergrad was, or how much money you made in your former job. You are in law school. Save yourself the ego-check and humble yourself before you get to school.
The grades are based on finals, so you don’t get any points for intimidating your classmates during orientation.
My experience: During orientation, the entire 1L class was in an auditorium. Some prestigious lawyer gave us a lecture about his experience and this girl raised her hand, preceded to tell the speaker (and the entire 1L class) about a lengthy book she read on a completely different subject, and asked the lawyer for his thoughts on the book.
The presenter’s mouth said: “Uh, I haven’t read that one.” His face added: “You crazy bitch.”
This happens at every school outside of Utah: after orientation, you will head to a local pub with your section-mates, someone will get crunk and embarrass themselves.
And in law school, no one bothers to stop a social train wreck.
Law students will just stand by and chuckle nervously as the disaster unfolds – and because no one ever says anything, this behavior is repeated throughout the year. Don’t be that guy.
And remember it is not too late to get the essential law school summer reading:
by Ann Demarais and Valerie White