Memos and Mirth

Keys and Carrots

September 29, 2009

So I am in the parking garage by school, digging through my bag for my keys. Again.

I have a tumi bag. Tumi bags have way too many pockets. I’ve wasted many flustered hours in the parking garage, dumping my bag – legal pads and highlighters flying … and here I am again. Dammit.

I usually find my keys after 5 minutes or so, but not this time. I’m fumbling through my bag and about to let out a Charlie-Brown style ARGG! when my ziplock bag of carrots pops open and unleashes a horde of cut carrots onto the parking ramp.

The chopped carrots race the ramp. Passersby dodge the carrots and avoid eye contact lest I’m as crazy as I look. This is shaping up to be a pretty solid fail moment.

So, after 10 minutes and two bag dumps, I feel defeated and head back across the street to the law school.

It was only when I got inside the law school that I realize:

It’s cold outside.
I came to school with a jacket.
My jacket is in my locker, and
My keys are probably in my jacket.

Well hot damn.

I had lunch at the Purple Onion to make myself feel better.

And yes, the parking ramp was still covered in carrots when I came back.

BWE: 2 & 3: Dating, School, balls in the air.

September 28, 2009

New readers: BWE (Best Week Ever) is a “week in review” post series, and no, this blog hasn’t gone NC-17: the title is a juggling reference.

The semester has definitely started. Week #2 was marked by my extremely off-kilter sleep schedule. I woke up every day between 2 and 4 a.m., read, went to class, and wasted my afternoons in a zombie-like state. This cycle was self-reinforcing and pretty awful.

That week I also started writing for The Shark, and was signed on as the University of Minnesota examiner for Examiner.com. I think this will be the extent of my online writing commitments.

I finally normalized my sleep schedule in week 3, and also made a commitment to walk Harley around a lake every day. I was good about keeping my promise…even if it involved dragging a very confused bulmastiff at a speed-walking pace 30 minutes before class.

And classes? They fit into three categories:

Light Reading: (Employment Law and Modern Real Estate.) These subjects are easy after taking Property and spending my summer with ERISA and Worker’s Comp claims.
Judicial WTF: (Conflicts and Constitutional Law II.) I decided that I have been over thinking both of these courses. The cases do not make sense because the judges are making stuff up to reach what they think it is right result (the dissents say as much). I have accepted this and I am going to quit trying to rationalize the opinions and just go with the arbitrary-as-heck frameworks.
And then there’s Tax. Oh my goodness. I like all of my classes this semester, but Tax is probably my favorite. The only problem is that there is so much information. Sure, there’s Glenshaw, Glenshaw, Glenshaw… but my classmates and I are becoming alarmed by the sheer amount of content (cases, regulatory rulings, codes…) covered in class. I need to stay on top of outlining this course or else I am royally screwed.

My 17-credit class schedule is pretty front-loaded, which means that I spend the end of the week and some of the weekend at work. I really enjoy my job and hope to stay on after graduation…this will involve a combination of staying productive, luck (ie, they need to have an opening), and keeping the RuPaul moments to a minimum.

The past two weekends also involved a lot of hanging out. For some reason my social life has really kicked off this semester, and so has my dating life.

I generally don’t write about dating because a lot of the guys read this blog (hi!), but I think it’s fair to say that the guys I’m running into generally fit into three categories:

The E-Ballers: These are the guys who are all about texting, messaging, and calling – what’s up cutie? – but then when we hang out in person, they act completely nonchalant and uninterested.
The MIA: Unlike the E-Ballers, these guys are impossible to communicate with via text or messaging. Somehow, after one-line responses and neglect, we hang out and they randomly channel Natasha Bedingfield. Maybe I’m only interesting in person?
Bedingfields: These guys are uber-aggressive, all flattery with no tact. These are the guys lighting up my phone with texts, and in person they say things like, “You are the perfect guy for me.” …which, if I have only known you for a week really translates to “Hello, my name is crazy. RUN.”

And run I shall. An aggressive guy is nice, but please, don’t propose to me if you can’t remember my last name or what city I’m from. Ugh. We’ll see how things play out this week. Maybe someone will break the trend?

Please?

Boomkat List

Boomkat list: September

September 28, 2009

Jansen’s music charts.

dogs / picture of the day

The good passenger

September 27, 2009

I never have to coax Harley in the car…

…but the amount of time I spend vacuuming is ridiculous.

Law School / Productivity / unsolicited advice

5 steps to productivity

September 26, 2009

People at a cafe by Tim Gouw via Unplash

Is it that time of year? During the past week, I have received a disturbing number of angsty emails and direct messages from 1Ls along the line of “oh my god I’m drowning.”

Obviously my advice to “calm down, breathe, and just do” is falling on deaf ears so I’m going to give the panic crew an assignment, due by the end of next week: 5 steps to productivity.

1. Ditch the laptop.

Typically you do not need a computer to complete your reading assignments. Write the page numbers down on a piece of paper and leave the laptop in your locker. This way you can focus on Torts and Contracts, and not the fug blog, which is only mildly related to the tort of intentional infliction of emotional distress.

2L Fall / Law School / on the record

Abortion, gore, and humor

September 25, 2009

Yesterday I read for Conlaw II at the Spyhouse. A full hour of Madonna’s 80’s hits was playing while I read stuff like:
After sufficient dilation the surgical operation can commence. The woman is placed under general anesthesia or conscious sedation. The doctor, often guided by ultrasound, inserts grasping forceps through the woman’s cervix and into the uterus to grab the fetus. The doctor grips a fetal part with the forceps and pulls it back through the cervix and vagina, continuing to pull even after meeting resistance from the cervix. The friction causes the fetus to tear apart. For example, a leg might be ripped off the fetus as it is pulled through the cervix and out of the woman. The process of evacuating the fetus piece by piece continues until it has been completely removed. A doctor may make 10 to 15 passes with the forceps to evacuate the fetus in its entirety, though sometimes removal is completed with fewer passes. Once the fetus has been evacuated, the placenta and any remaining fetal material are suctioned or scraped out of the uterus. The doctor examines the different parts to ensure the entire fetal body has been removed.
Gonzales v. Carhart, 550 U.S. 124, 136 (2007)

Bleh. The abortion segment of the Conlaw is my least favorite. But Professor L’s asides kept things light in class:

This is the most important class. Ever:
Professor L: “I’m sure you think about the 10th amendment all the time!”
Overhead issues:
Professor L: “Oh, I forgot to write this on the overhead…I guess I’ll fill it out more before I post it on the uh… um… internet or whatever they are calling it these days…”

(ten minutes pass, and she begins typing again)

Professor L: “I know I’m misspelling like crazy but…well, you guys can just deal with it…”
Jill is about as blunt as Scalia:

Professor L: What does the court say about the respect for the culture of life?”
Jill: “You mean the part where the court just makes stuff up?”

Toot, toot

September 24, 2009

Bitter Lawyer has released a list of its favorite law students and I’m on it! Vöt!

For those of you living under a rock, Bitter Lawyer is a legal entertainment website which includes a ton of hilarious top 10 lists and videos.

2L Fall / Law School / legal humor / on the record

OTR: Tidbits

September 24, 2009

Mixed bag today:

It was 10 minutes before the end of class in Real Estate Law, but the professor must have seen the blank looks on our faces:
Professor E: “Hm. I think I’ve wreaked enough havoc for today.”

Professor V found a quote on one Justice’s expectations of the law:
If there is one thing that the people are entitled to expect from their lawmakers, it is rules of law that will enable individuals to tell whether they are married and, if so, to whom.” Justice Frankfurter, dissenting, in Estin v. Estin. 334,US 541 552 (1948).

And I appreciated Justice Harlan’s comment on Due Process in the Conlaw reading:

“The Due Process Clause stands, in my opinion, on its own bottom.” Concurring in Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 US 479

The law in that case involved a ban on contraceptives for married couples. Even Justice Stewart’s dissent acknowledges how crappy the law is: “I think this is an uncommonly silly law.”

art

Desktop Wallpapers

September 23, 2009

Here are some the wallpapers that I have in rotation at the moment. With the exception of the first wallpaper, the wallpapers consist of photos taken by me in Minneapolis and are sized at 1440×900.

: Harley the bullmastiff

The thumbnails link to the image files. Facebook/RSS readers: click here if you cannot see the images.

Law School / Law School – 2L / on the record

Socratic Preemption

September 22, 2009

Jill’s answer in Employment law was a little too thorough:
Professor I: “Uh, well,…you just demolished my next three questions…so, uh, good job!”
Not deterred, Professor E then asked the questions anyway and made Jill repeat her answers.

Law School

Wisconsin, Pizza, and Crucifixes

September 22, 2009

I have two new posts over at The Shark:

No Barbri girls in Wisconsin: my take on my neighbor’s exemption from the bar. (Read it here)

And,

Pizzas & The Crucifix: the saga of Ave Maria law school. (Read it here)

Law School – 2L / legal humor / Minneapolis-St. Paul

How’d you guess?

September 21, 2009

I’m studying at Wilde Roast today.

I walked up to the Barista to order:
Me: “May I have a large coffee for here?”
Barista: “Sure. Is this something to take the edge off or sharpen up?”
I point to the 10-inch stack of books at my table – Conflicts, Environmental Law, Tax Law, and Taxation statutes.
Me: “To sharpen up. I have reading to do.”
Barista: “Yikes! Are you a law student or something?”
Me: “Actually, I am.”

The most important lesson I learned as a history and English major in undergrad is not to be afraid of large books. It’ll take some hours, but if can manage to wade through Huxley, Joyce, and lengthy treatises on Stalinism then anything is possible.

dogs / Whittier / Uptown Minneapolis

Dear Mr. Postman

September 21, 2009

Dear Mr. Postman,

I understand my apartment building has small, dated mailboxes.
I feel your pain. Really. I do.

I understand that I don’t empty my mail every day like I should.
I (again) feel your pain. Truly.

But this sir, is some bullshit:

I know Glenn Beck is not making the most pleasant face here, but did you really have to wad up my Time Magazine with your greasy little hands?

Why didn’t you wad up the mailbox-spam from the Tribune? Why didn’t you wad up the community magazines that no one actually reads? Heck, why didn’t you wad up my heating bill?

Why my Time magazine? Why why why?

And this isn’t the first time you’ve wadded up my precious Time Magazine! Every time I pull out my wrinkled magazines in the coffeeshop people look at me like I’m a crazy wino.

And I blame you. And so does Harley:

fitness

The cost of going organic

September 20, 2009

20lbs. In one month.

I decided to go mostly-organic after being mortified by Food Inc, and things are going well.

memories / Minneapolis-St. Paul / video

Lest I complain

September 19, 2009

It was only around 75 degrees when I walked my dog this morning, but I still felt gross and sticky. I thought “Why can’t winter just get here already?!” and then I remembered:

And of course: The day I bought a face mask.

I figure I shouldn’t complain about 75 degrees when I have a good five months coming up where I don’t have to worry about being “too warm.”

RSS/Facebook readers: Click here if you cannot see the picture or video.

2L Fall / Law School / Law School – 2L / on the record

OTR: Tax, Modern Real Estate

September 18, 2009

The estate tax expires in 2010.

Professor A: “Next year is the year to throw momma from the train!”

Pretend to be interested:

Professor A: “Did you see anything of interest in the reading?”
Jill: “I loathe to say that I didn’t…”
Professor A: “That is well advised!”

Why you should give notice to the home sellers, even if they have a lock box:

Professor E: “My husband was in his underwear, heard some noises downstairs, and snuck stealthily down the stairs with a baseball bat…and almost beat the buyers!”

Law School / Law School – 2L / on the record

On the Record: Professor L

September 17, 2009

I have Professor L again for Constitutional Law. I love the class, but even if I didn’t, the asides would make it totally worth it.

Professor L vs. the 14th amendment:
Professor L: “Let me quote directly here from the amendment… hm…where is it? Sorry… I momentarily forgot how to read roman numerals…”
Professor L hears a voice:
Professor L (looking down at the seating chart): “Mr. Smith?”
Jack Smith: “Here!”
Professor L (looking up): “Where are you? I just heard a voice…hearing voices! That’s all I need!”
Professor L trips:
Professor L: “Woops! Sorry. There’s a little wire here. I’ll probably fall on my face at some point…”
Professor L says stay healthy:

Professor L: “I was asked to record today’s class because a number of your colleagues are sick today with the swine flu or something. I suspect this is only going to get worse, so wash your hands regularly, carry Purell, refuse to shake hands with people, and stay healthy!”

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Professor L see:

Uptown Apartment

Covering the walls

September 15, 2009

I ran into one of those corny poster-sales on campus and realized that I could probably find something cheap to cover my large bare walls.

Ta-da!

The poster of the woman is actually huge (4×6 feet) the guy with the camera is the generic Target-picture that came with my poster frames. I just cut out the ad-like bottom portion.

The picture that caught most of the flash is of a couple sitting at an all-night cafe.

I also have a print of Waterhouse’s Lady of Shalott above my desk to keep things fancy:

The pictures definitely make the apartment look cozier, but Harley has not commented yet…

unsolicited advice

Tumbler savings

September 14, 2009

My latest post for The Shark has a very simple message: use a tumbler, save some bucks. Read it here.

dogs

Knocked out

September 14, 2009

We went on an extra-long walk this evening.

Harley is knocked out:

And yes, the snoring is obscenely loud.