Amber, a coworker who goes to another law school, had an interesting day:
Amber: “Oh my god! So classes already started and there is a girl in two of my classes with the most ridiculous cleavage. She’s a 3L and sits in front of me for both classes, so I spent two hours just lost in her boobs! And the girl is fat, so it’s like 12 inches of cleavage!” Me: “Is it inappropriate?” Amber: “Of course it’s inappropriate! And I don’t know how she gets them to stick up and out like that. A bra with whale bones? And who says, ‘Hey, it’s Wednesday, let’s SHOW THE TWINS!’” Me: “So you’re telling me that Dolly Parton attends your school?” Amber: “YES! She is Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton with a tan.”
We all know that guy or girl. Over at The Shark I have a post addressing annoying social networkers. I included 5 easy ways to avoid joining the irritating crowd. The post is here.
There was a notice posted on the front of my apartment building for several weeks. It was from animal control. Someone’s dog and cat had been impounded.
Exactly which neighbor had their pets confiscated was a mystery until yesterday when I ran into Maggie.
Maggie lives down the hall, right next door to Yesina. Maggie is always aware of all the building gossip so of course she knew whose pets were taken:
Maggie: “Oh, that was the guy who lives above me. You didn’t know?” Me: “No…” Maggie: “Yeah, he was this morbidly obese guy who would never walk his dog. It was a sad, deranged looking thing. He would only let it pee and poop right in front of the building and never let anyone pet it or touch it. It was strange. Well, he died. And god knows how long he was in there because they had to go in with hazmat masks and everything. I think the pets were in there with him for several days. I called the animal shelter to make sure that the poor thing wasn’t going to be put down but some rescue group had already snatched him up…”
Dress appropriately – first impressions are important
Check the hormones – this isn’t a Maury episode.
Check the ego – it’s likely that you’re not the smartest cookie in the room anymore.
Don’t overshare – you’re not on Dr. Phil
Hold the hooch – this is professional school, not a Pitbull video.
And some advice for the new law school blawgers1 out there:
5 ways to stay out of trouble:
1. Use nicknames and composites
Give your professors and peers some privacy or Google’s cache will come back to haunt you.
We don’t really need to know that your Torts professor is named Professor Palsgraff. Professor Palsgraff is probably a nice person, but your impression of him and his teaching style may change during the semester, and your blog will still pop up under a search for “Professor Palsgraff” long after you’ve edited your entries or even after the entire blog is deleted.
There’s also a difference between writing “Professor Tort’s class is boring” and “Professor Palsgraff’s class is boring.” One statement is your opinion about a class, whereas the other statement can be viewed as your opinion about a professor – and although everyone from your school will know that “Professor Torts” is “Professor Palsgraff,” the difference is the level of respect and professionalism you show by omitting his name.
This goes double for peers. Your classmates are more likely to read your blog than your professors2 and more likely to stir up controversy. A simple way to avoid drammy is to pick 2-3 random names to use for composite characters.
This way you are writing about what happened without writing about a specific person. This avoids anyone from getting their feelings hurt and achieves the privacy and respect essential for maintaining a blawg while still passing the character fitness test for the bar.
Remember that a law student blogging about other law students and professors is really a future attorney writing about other future attorneys and actual attorneys. The less often you offend your peers, the easier your professional life is going to be.
You will have at least one annoying person in your section. I promise. You will be amazed how such a smart person can say and do such incredibly obnoxious things.
You will be offended, bitter, tired, and cranky at least once during your 1L year. I promise this as well. This the day when The Annoying will pop up and do something to really grill your cheese. And you will be upset, but that doesn’t mean you should blog about it.
The way to deal with The Annoying is to ignore them. An annoying person is sort of like a fart: it’s disruptive, embarrassing, and unpleasant, but no amount of bitching is going to make the smell go away any faster.
Bitching about someone in a blog post or to a law school friend is not going to make the situation any better and will only prolong your negative state.
So when someone is annoying: smile, ignore it, and let it go.
Example—Last year I wrote about the crazy section that I had Criminal law with. (At my school we have double-section classes).
And let me be clear: that section was filled with loons.
But towards the end of the school year the blog got an unexpected bit of publicity, and some people from that section read about my section’sless-than-stellar opinion about them. Random students from the other section then plotted to purposefully piss me off just so I would blog about them.
Now, their plans were foiled because they discovered my blog on the last day of school, but it would have been a rough semester if they caught on earlier.
The point: Ignore The Annoying, and avoid the drama in advance.
3. Bitch not about thy burden.
One of the rare times that I hung out with my section-mates last year was one day in between classes.
Several of us had to finish the reading for the upcoming class, but we couldn’t get any reading done because one of our section-mates sat at the table for 40 minutes and whined about how much he hated the class, the professor, and life.
The nice thing about law school is that your peers are going through a similar experience. Sure, there’s always going to be the rich kid with a job offer and the ivy league law school prep courses, but the majority of law students are going through the same stresses and pressures as you.4
You are not alone.
But just because you’re not alone does not mean that your peers or blog readers will indulge your whining.
I think what separates those who enjoy their first year and those who are miserable is attitude. You can choose to get things done, or to wallow and waste time. Sure, some people will suffer mental health issues and need help, but others will simply worry themselves in an unnecessary and counterproductive way.
Walking around offended – by your peers, workload, lack of sleep, or Lindsay Lohan – is not going to do anything for you besides increase your stress and ruin your health.
And trust me, the self-pitying blog posts, tweets, facebook status updates, and in-person bitching is not going to help you feel better because it is hard to feel good when you’re dwelling on how much things suck.
Don’t let your blog become place that reinforces negativity. Try to write critical rather than negative posts. Instead of vague complaints, think about what you’re really trying to say, and ask yourself if it’s worth posting.
4. Think Kylie, not Gaga.
There are multiple ways of delivering the same message. You can be fun and provocative without being vulgar.
Most law schools and employers will understand that a personal blog is a non-professional thing (as opposed to unprofessional) but that doesn’t mean you can unleash the crazy.
The litmus test: Would you be mortified if your law school’s dean read your post?
Note, the test is not “would you email this to the dean?” – I wouldn’t send an email about my dog’s bowel problems to anyone – but I also wouldn’t care if people read it. That’s the difference.
5. Keep it real.
Law students aren’t stupid. While no one wants to read posts that are negative or angst filled, we also don’t care to read sugar-coated posts written with an eye towards employers.
The “I love everyone, always” bit comes across as real and graceful as answer from Ms. Teen South Carolina:
If you are fake, then the best case scenario is that your classmates will think you are dull. The worst case scenario is that they’ll suspect you are insincere and well, stupid.5
And remember to blog about your experience. Orientation can be a blur, and it’s definitely something you’ll want to remember. If you are worried about your peers or finding time to spell check, simply write your post in outline format and save it as a draft. The point is to preserve the memories, not the published post itself.
You can clean it up and publish it later if you want.
1 Who I have been impressed with by the way. 2 And professors will read too by the way… 3 Chris Rocker also has a variation on the theme: “Keep it cute or put it on mute.” 4 There are law students who excel in law school while raising families. And although they possess super-powers, I guarantee you they spend more time being productive than stewing in their own misery 5 At least the US Americans…
So of course, when I open my apartment door I immediately smell that this is one of those nights where Harley made a bullmastiff-sized welcome home surprise.
I let the dog out of the kennel and he skips off to his food bowl. I then grab a trash bag, paper towels, and the bleach.
The little kennel-disaster made me forget about my parking situation: I parked in the nearby business parking lot again because the plan was to just quickly get the dog and move the car.
Now, some of you remember that the last time I parked in that lot, I saw a shooting and had to run from the shooter. And you’d think I would have learned my lesson, but I didn’t. Obviously.
So I finish scooping all of nast out of the kennel and stand up just in time to see a tow truck flying down the street towards my car!
I drop the trashbag full of dog-mess, grab Harley’s leash, and then flee the building like I just saw bejeweled crocs. I run across the street with the dog dragging behind me, waiving my arms – “STOOOOOOOP DON’T TOW MEEEEEEH! I’M A POOR LAW STUDENT!”
I look pathetic enough for the tow truck driver to let me off the hook.
Tower: “I didn’t have you hooked up yet, so you can go.” Me (gasping): “Thank you, I was just getting my dog……and uh, thank you!”
The tow truck driver’s girlfriend glares at me from the truck. I wink.1
The closest parking space is a few blocks away. I park, walk the dog back to the apartment, chuck the trash bag of surprises, and then decide that it is a good time to go to Wal-Mart since my apartment reeks of bleach and dog poop.
So Harley and I walk back to the car, and go to Wal-Mart.2
What I really needed from Wal-Mart was canned food. I eat mostly fresh food, but once in-a-while I use canned vegetables. And canned vegetables are one of those things best bought in bulk, from Wal-Mart, in the middle of the night…sort of like tiolet paper.
So of course all of the canned-food isles are “closed for waxing” and I was the guy randomly buying nothing but dog treats at 1 a.m.
At least Harley didn’t seem to mind…
1 Now who the heck called my car in at midnight? 2Wal-Mart is by my job actually, so there was a LOT of backtracking that night.
I want to say this has something to do with “enjoying the Minnesota summer” but the truth is that my bedroom window has been stuck open for a few months and I’m too lazy to call the maintenance people.
Last night I regretted not getting that stupid window fixed because around 2am someone started shooting.
I couldn’t believe that in addition to being unpleasant and cranky, the optometrist managed to mess up my prescription too! And Target optometrists are all independent, so if I switched doctors I would have to repay for an exam.
So I go to Dr. Cranky’s optical and get reexamined:
These are pictures of the area around the Kitty Kat Club.
The Kitty Kat Club is on the edge of Dinkytown, which is the college village where UMN’s legal fraternity (Gamma Eta Gamma) is located. I lived in the neighborhood most of 1L year.
Best summer ever: weeks 10 & 11: summer vacation has finally started.
Week #10 was the last week of summer school, aka, finals! I spent the beginning of the week studying, mostly at the Walter library. After my last final I went to work, and worked 10 hour days for the next 4 days.
I went to the downtown Target yesterday to get contacts for the first time. After waiting in line for a half hour, I was told the optometrist was not in and sent to the suburbs.
The soon-to-be 1Ls are lighting up my inbox, and I’m starting to get duplicate questions.
The typical email starts with a variation of “Hi, I start law school the fall. I saw your blog, and didn’t get a chance to read it. Can you answer these questions?” I can, I did, and I will – but don’t be offended if you’re linked to this post (or this one).
Here are some of the common questions this week: 1L: “I’m thinking of getting a rolly backpack…and” A: No, no, no, no, no, no, NO. Do not. Put down the fug and step away slowly. Yes we see people considering them every year, and it confuses me. Assuming your law school has student lockers, there is no reason for you to carry around 5 law books at one time, so a rolly bag is unnecessary. I simply carry my books in my hand because typically I’m going to my locker to exchange one book for another. And I find that when I’m studying, I’m not going to focus on more than one or two classes, so dragging a stack of books to the library is unnecessary. Don’t be that guy or girl who looks like they are about to catch the next flight to fugville. See:Jill on backpacks
1L: “What supplements should I buy?” A: I recommend waiting for your professor to recommend a supplement. Check the syllabus. Some professors teach from the supplements, and other professors insist that you shouldn’t read anything but your casebook. I also recommend waiting to buy supplements until the middle of the semester when you have a better idea of what you don’t know. You’re not going to score any points or good will by bringing up obscure arguments from a hornbook. If you are inconsolably freaked out, then make a few purchases from West’s Nutshell series. These tend to be just enough to get you grounded in a subject. If you feel cheap, then wait until you get your LexisNexis and Westlaw passwords. Westlaw contains treatises like Wright & Miller (for Civil Procedure) and Lexis has course outlines.
1L: “I want to start a blog but I don’t know if I can keep up with it…” A: Assuming your blogging goals are somewhat similar to mine (see post here), then my best advice is to sign up for a blog at wordpress.com and give it a shot. The trick is to post every day, even if it’s just a sentence or two. The second you stop posting consistently is when your blog is most likely to die. And yes, most blawgs die. SeeThree Years of Hell, and Frugal
1L (following up): “Why wordpress?” A: WordPress is the standard for blogging software. WordPress.com accounts are free and easily customizable. The problem with blogspot and typepad blogs is that these services don’t have as many options and it is harder for people to comment on those blogs. Also, if you’re feeling fancy, you can get a dot com address for your wordpress.com blog for only $15-20 a year. I’m pretty sure this is what Huma of humarashid.com did. And please, when you get a new blog, don’t spam everyone’s blogs with your new address.
1L: “Okay, so I’ve seen in your fashion post that things can get really petty…are law students really that immature or is it just you?” A: Let me remind you that I am not Oprah. All of my advice comes with a hefty dose of salt. Wear what makes you feel comfortable. Just do so with the realization that some of your peers are as petty as I am (see here). Think of it like this: you are in professional school. Showing up looking like a hot mess for law school is the equivalent of accusing your coworkers of being immature because you decided to show up at the office in pink, bejeweled crocs. Now, yes, the fact that someone is sitting at the UMN library, enraged that a classmate is wearing flipflops is silly, but I think that flip flops during orientation is more akin to the pink crocs at the office. See Think Like a Woman, Act like a Man.
Female 1L: “If I start blogging will have creepy men hiding in the bushes outside of my apartment?” A: There will probably be creepy men hiding in the bushes outside of your apartment, but it won’t be because of your blog. Think of online privacy as a bicycle lock. Your average bicycle lock is going to stop the vast majority of bike thieves, but no bike lock can stop that rare, determined bike thief. The same thing is true for stalkers. The rare stalker is going to stalk regardless of how good your pseudonym is, and regardless of how carefully you guard your online presence. Frankly, so much information is available via public directories and information companies (like Lexis), that the rare crazy is not going to be stopped by anything but the Tazer x3 in your purse. So no, don’t post a picture of your apartment with the address and a challenge, but also don’t be afraid to use your real name – because frankly, it’s not a secret. See also: 3 years of hell, and Fresh Thought Soup.
The first picture is the flag outside of work. I can only see a segment of tinted1 sky from my cubicle. I think it’s better that my cubicle isn’t closer to the window because office life is already distracting, and I would get nothing done if I could zone out by looking outside.
