Memos and Mirth

5 Reasons why I blog

June 14, 2009

Studying at Starbucks and occasionally blogging.

By request, 5 reasons why I blog:

1. Journaling

The best part of having a blog is the journaling effect. My blog is a type of scrapbook/diary. I blog about what happens to me so I can remember these stories later and share them with others (ie the big semester reviews here and here.) Journaling is a cumulative thing – what seems inane today might turn out to be an important part of a bigger story.

I learned this in undergrad when I became a Resident Assistant for a freshman floor.

I wrote:
I seriously have the coolest guys on my floor. I think I lucked out. I’m really proud of them and so grateful that I got the best guys in Hecht. Everyone is interesting, they get along with each other, they are wild but not in a bad way, we don’t have that many serious writeups, and I think they’ve realized that I’m not an asshole.
A few weeks later there was a huge football game and I wrote up over half of the guys on the floor for drinking. That started a year-long feud with some of the freshmen that culminated in them throwing a mixture of poop, urine, and beer down the hallway towards my dorm room. The best part about that was that the floors in the dormitory were not level, so all of the nast flowed into the room next to mine.¹

Fail bratty freshmen…fail.

But at one point I really felt that I had the coolest residents in the world and you couldn’t have told me anything different. If I didn’t record those feelings I certainly wouldn’t have remembered them. That’s the journal effect, and I think it’s important.

2. Actually “Keeping in touch”

When I tell someone that I will “keep in touch” I mean it. My blog allows me to keep in touch with relatives, friends, and former classmates. People don’t feel like I “disappeared off to law school” and I don’t have to have those epic catch-up phone calls anymore. The blog lets people read up on me on their own time, and allows acquaintances to stay in contact without that awkward stalking-feeling that comes with looking at someone’s facebook wall…

3. Connecting with Classmates

The blog is a convenient way to get to know my classmates, especially those from other sections. What usually happens is that a classmate stumbles across the blog, reads it for a while, and then starts commenting or strikes up a conversation² at school. Some of my classmates vicariously experience the journaling benefits of the blog because they are reminded about all the funny stuff that happens to us at school, like The Crash or When Jill Became “That Girl.”

4. Managing my Web Presence

Managing your own web presence is crucial. Maintaining a blog helps check rumors and misperceptions and allows people to have a reliable source of information about you. Sure, some of my professors are mortified that I post about going to gay clubs, getting shot, and my run-ins with the neighborhood druggies. I hear this all the time:
Professor: “Your blog! Gasp, what if a prestigious employer read these things? You’re ruining your career!”
Am I? My theory is that any employer (professor, classmate, etc.) will quickly realize that I’m the drug-free, designated driver type who mostly blogs about school and his dog. There’s a difference between writing about the remmidemmi and being a part of it. Besides, if an employer is completely scandalized by this meek little blog then I probably wouldn’t be a good fit at that firm anyway.

5. The Community

Yes, there’s an amazing community of law school bloggers. I have a good chunk of them linked on the page. It’s always interesting to read about people going through the experience at different schools. I think it informs and enriches the law school experience to read student blogs. As a single male, I definitely think about all the female law students raising children (such as her, her, her, her, and more…) before I ever dare bitch about being busy in law school. I’m sure that I wouldn’t have this perspective but for blogging. And remember your community is not limited to law students: cool undergrads, reporters, political columnists, and yes even amazing local bands all have blogs.

Those are my reasons for blogging. I think it’s time more people join in on the conversation, and start blogging.

¹ I’m not starting the “the dorms at UMiami are unruly chaos” rant but lets just say it’s hard to get punished for anything really…
² Sure, there are people from other sections that read the blog and never comment, but I prefer people to know more about me than

1L Summer Summaries / dogs

Best Summer Ever Weeks 3 & 4

June 14, 2009

Oy vey. The past two weeks? Well, I started summer school and stopped petitioning. Once I stopped petitioning I focused on getting my apartment in order and then tried to maintain my enthusiasm for Professional Responsibility.

I also worked a lot, and ran from random teenager shooters when I came home. Oh, and of course there were drag shows and random hot messes too…

Minneapolis has been Renaissance-fair soggy¹ for the past few weeks, but today the temperature was in high 70’s and it felt unbearably hot.

I walked Harley around campus and he was all, “Okay, seriously, this heat is some bullshit.”

“Yea, this heat thing? No. It’s not working. FIX IT!

He didn’t stop shooting me glares until I let him run in the river:

And it was hot enough that he dried out before we got back to the car. Score.

The summer is shaping up to be wonderfully breezy: work, class, hanging out, repeat.

The marathon training is not going well however. I need to unleash my inner Jillian Michaels this week… it’s just a matter of finding the appropriate wig and snarl…

¹ Seriously, mold and plague.

Whittier / Uptown Minneapolis

Jerk.

June 13, 2009

Last night I got home from work and found my neighbor, Yesenia, in front of the apartment building.

Yesenia lost her key a while ago, and hasn’t gotten it replaced yet – so she’s always in front of the building waiting to be let in.

On this night Yesenia looked a bit flustered and motioned me over as I approached the building. I assume she was drunk so I smile politely and walk past her and up the stairs to the front door of the building.

Yesenia stumbles behind me and says, gasping:
Yesenia: “You know me right? You know¹ that I live here right?”
Me: “Yes.”
Yesenia: “Okay. I just need to be let in…”
I walk in and she follows me into the building. She looks really discombobulated so I ask her if she’s okay.
Yesenia (gasping): “Yeah, I got the as – sim-muhh.”
And here I am feeling like the biggest jerk in the world for assuming that a woman having an asthma attack was drunk.

I walk up the stairs but Yesenia couldn’t make it past the second landing.
Me: “Do you want me to go to your apartment and get some help from your boyfriend?”
Yesenia (gasping): “NO! No, I’m fine right here…I’m (gasp) fine.”
Me: “Are you sure?”
Yesenia: “Very.”
I go into my apartment and decide that I should go and get her help anyway. So I walk down the hallway and realize that I don’t actually know WHICH apartment Yesenia lives in.

Yesenia comes up the stairs as I’m standing in front of her apartment and shoots me the worst gasping-glare ever.

Yeah, Oops.

So later that night, around 3am, I hear whistling outside of my bedroom window. I then hear a female voice that sort of sounds like Yesenia…
Woman: “WAKE UP NIGGA! I KNOW YOU AINT ASLEEP NIGGA!”
Who was this? Yesenia’s revenge? Or was that downstairs neighbor’s unsightly female friend who keeps throwing rocks at his window?

I sit up in bed to look out of my window when I hear something SLAM into the wall near my window. I spend the next hour or so keeping the dog’s face away from the window² and praying that no one was shooting.

Update: So the angry banshee outside of my window last night was probably not Yesenia because she just buzzed my apartment and I let her and three children in. I also carried the baby stroller up the stairs…hm.

¹ Particularly odd question since we’ve run into each other at the laundry room before.
² I had to do this because whomever kept whistling…

blog theory

Facebook fail

June 12, 2009

The highlight of my evening was that facebook allowed the registeration of username shortcuts at 11pm.

So of course “Jansen” was taken by some Asian dude.¹ And for whatever reason “Dennis” was unavailable, but you can catch me at http://www.facebook.com/dennisjansen. Original. I know.

Add me, eat, and be merry.

¹ “Jansen” is a common Asian first-name. Don’t ask me why.

unsolicited advice / Whittier / Uptown Minneapolis

Hot mess

June 12, 2009

So the night started with me tweeting my personal phone number and my reluctance to meet Steve’s crew to 1660 people. ¹

Why hello, this is called overshare.

I got over my shyness and made a guest appearance at the 19 Bar.² Steve and I engaged in the usual amount cattiness and ignored the squirrelly guy smiling wildly from across the bar. What a shame! I forgot to bring my walnuts to feed the wildlife…

LGBT / video

The show

June 11, 2009

There was a surprise Kelis performance at the Saloon’s latin night:

And yes I think this is the drag queen who was Amy Winehouse at the Cazwell concert.

Life / memories

Random overshare

June 10, 2009

I usually don’t do memes as a rule, but this one is from Molly.
“You have to tell your readers 10 things about you they may not know, but that are true.”
My 10 things after the jump.

1L summer / legal humor / overheard

It has always been that way

June 9, 2009

Jill and I were at the convenience store near the law school. We talked about our summer classes while waiting in line at the register:
Me: “Yeah, people aren’t thrilled with my Professional Responsibility class.”
Jill: “Oh, that’s what I’ve heard! A lot of people really dislike that class. I’m glad I didn’t take it this summer. Hopefully it will be better in the fall…”
Just then the older lady who was standing in line ahead of Jill turns around and says:
Lady: “I graduated from the law school in 73. And trust me, professional has always been a bitch.”
The lady pays and then leaves.
The cashier is laughing.
Jill is shocked.

Me: “That might have been the best thing ever.”

dogs / picture of the day

Harley says..

June 8, 2009

“Oh, I see. Why doesn’t my Kennel have fancy blue sheets?”

“I unleash the dragon…breath.”

“You are getting sleepy.”

Uptown Apartment

Settled

June 7, 2009

For the past month, large stacks of boxes and plastic wrap have dominated my apartment. I always had something better to do than unpack and clean (Finals, petitioning, not petitioning, working…etc.) so I never felt fully moved in.¹

And it was annoying.

So this weekend I decided to do something about it:

And yes, I’m sick of Target, Home Depot and Ikea. Neither I or my wallet want to hear from those stores for a while.

My two favorite things are the fuzzy grass-like² carpet:

And these guys, who I got from Wal-Mart:

The bug-eyed stuffed birds bring amuse me. I always mimic their deer-in-the-headlights look when I see them.

My dog however, has not been amused by my decorating and cleaning activities. He’s totally convinced that the vacuum’s sole purpose is to scare him…

…and he’s probably right.³

¹ There was always something I didn’t have yet like oven mits, lamps, power cords, rugs, etc.
² It doesn’t look dirty in real-life. I swear. It just photographs funny.
³ He always runs out of the room or hides in his crate when I start the vac… my downstairs neighbors probably think I’m OCD or something…

1L summer / overheard

Do Not Park

June 6, 2009

Yesterday I left work around midnight and drove back to Minneapolis.

During the drive home I receive a text from Jack, who was at the clubhouse.

The problem is that Jack’s trashy ex-boyfriend is a stripper dancer at the clubhouse. So of course I had go support Jack to prevent the trashy-ex from getting too much joy from seeing Jack at the clubhouse by himself.

When I arrive at my building there is no street parking available, so I decide illegally park at a nearby business. I was just going to quickly walk the dog before going to the clubhouse, so I figured that briefly parking in the empty business lot wouldn’t be too much trouble.

And of course I was wrong.

I get out of my car and see teenagers running past me. I look across the parking lot at the apartment building that they ran from. There is a boy wearing a hoodie on the apartment building’s garage staircase. The boy raises his arm towards to the building and I hear two gunshots.
The shooter then starts running across the parking lot towards my car.
I scramble to my apartment building while calling 911, thinking “this is some bullshit…” I leash my dog while on the phone with the 911 dispatcher. The dog gives me the “what’s wrong bubba?” look.

Five minutes later I’m walking the dog towards the neighborhood bank so I can get cash for the clubhouse. I receive a call, it’s the police, they want me to come and talk to them on a street near the business:

Police Officer (talking to me on the phone): “Where are you?”
Me: “Oh, at the bank down the street…uh, I’m going to walk towards you.”
Officer: “Do you see me?”
Me: “No, but I see your cop car I think…”
Officer: “Well, you should see some cars… I mean we have seven squad cars out here.”
Me: “Hmmph,… they didn’t send seven squad cars when I got shot…”
Officer: “What was that?”
Me: “Nothing! I see you, I’m here. Hi!”

I walk towards the officer on the sidewalk.

Sure enough, there are seven cop cars lining the street. The only problem is that the police are busy searching the wrong apartment building.

Officer: “So what happened?”
Me: “Well, I was parking at the business over there…see what I get for parking illegally? Well, anyway, I was parking over there behind these buildings and some teens were running past me as I got out of my car. Then I saw a teen in the back of that apartment building shoot twice.”
Officer: “Which building?”
Me: “That one. Not the one you guys are searching…”
Officer: “Crap.”
(the officer screams orders into his radio to the tune of “WRONG BUILDING YO”)
Me: “Sorry that I’m so freaked out. I got hit by a stray bullet last month.”
Officer: “Oh heck, I’d be freaked out too. Can you tell me anything else about the teens?”
Me: “Oh, and the teens were…um… East African.”
Officer: “You mean Somalis?”
Me: “…uh, yeah.¹ I guess.”

I leave the officer, let the dog crap, and then book it to the clubhouse.

At the clubhouse I try my best to ignore Jack’s ex, who keeps inching closer to Jack and I. It felt like one of those DiscoveryChannel clips of a preying snake in the jungle…except this one had bleached hair and intermittently shot us the stank eye.

I also ran into Yogi and his entourage:

Yogi: “Hey, do you want another shot?”
Me: “I’m not a big drinker. You know this.”
Yogi: “But you just texted me and said you had a shot out at your apartment building.”
Me: “No, I texted you that I had a SHOOT out at my apartment building.”
Yogi: “Again? Minneapolis is not treating you well. Was it Somalis?”
Me: “Why does it always have to be Somalis?”
Yogi: “Because it’s Minneapolis. You’re saying it wasn’t?”
Me: “No, it was. But still…”

I had a fun, concise² time at the clubhouse, and then snuck home hoping that none of the supposedly-Somali teens saw me talk to the cops…

¹ Here I am trying to be politically correct for once in my life…pfft. Besides, we have Ethiopians in Minneapolis too! Why does it have to be a Somali?
² Clubs in Minneapolis close at 3am on the weekends. I left work at midnight, had the commute/shooting fiasco, and got to the club around 1am. So it was a 2-hour affair.

blog theory

New digs

June 5, 2009

Dear RSS/Feed subscribers,

Minnesotans joke that there are two seasons: winter, and road construction.

As homage to the craters that Minnesotans swerve around every day, I decided to impart my own bit of digital inconvenience¹ to everyone: No. 634 has moved!

The new address of the blog is http://dennis-jansen.com
The new RSS feed is at http://www.memosandmirth.com/feed=rss2

And yes, a redesign will follow. No.634: Season II is coming shortly!²

The redesign will feature pictures taken by the absolutely fabulous Eric James of TwinCityScene.com.³

¹ And no, this construction isn’t state-sponsored…I’m not part of the stimulus package…I think.
² I should add a crazy subtitle like: “Res Judicata Heat” or something…
³Which is the best part of the redesign considering that I have to go in and manually fix a boat-load of image links. The site is at half speed for a hot minute…

Law School / on the record

OTR: First week of summer school

June 4, 2009

In professional responsibility, Professor R and Jack discussed what constitutes legal advice, who can give it, and when it leads to liability:
Jack: “What about jailhouse lawyers?”
Professor R: “Hm…Well they are already in jail, so what the hell?”
In Wills & Trusts we reviewed some of the Model Rules of Professional Conduct:
Professor W: “Well, these are just about as useful to a lawyer practicing in the field as a valentine would be to a surgeon who is operating in the operation room…”

1L summer / picture of the day / Uptown Apartment

I design with stickers.

June 4, 2009

My mission of the day was to find something to slap on my bare apartment walls.

I went to Ikea and Target…what did I get?

That’s right. I bought stickers. Totally grown-up. I know.

Stickers on the walls, law books on the floor: it’s an academic nursery. Fancy!

I couldn’t bring myself buy prints at Ikea or Target since I know how to paint. I’ll throw something together this weekend. The stickers are the only mass-produced thing I’ll buy.¹

I also spent an ungodly amount of time moving around furniture only to realize that my original layout was the best one. At least I know for sure now!

¹ This is more of a “being cheap” thing rather than a snobby-indie kid thing…contrary to popular belief, I am not indie. I am Kylie Minogue actually…

dogs / my legal space / picture of the day

The Mind Reader

June 3, 2009

Funny, I was thinking the same thing:

1L summer / unedited cases

Astride the Peter Principle?

June 2, 2009

Who says summer law classes are boring?

Our first real case for Professional Responsibility is Converse v. Nebraska State Bar Comm’n (In re Converse), 258 Neb. 159 (Neb. 1999).

The case is about a law student who was not admitted to the bar because of his various…uh, indiscretions:
One of the final issues addressed by the Commission in its hearing was that of a T-shirt [the student] produced and marketed on which a nude caricature of [the law school dean] is shown sitting astride what appears to be a large hot dog.

That’s not even the worst of it.

The bulk of the fact section is after the jump:

1L summer

A voice inside

June 2, 2009

Today I made some delicious smoked pork hocks. I gave the bones and the fatty parts to the dog, and then sat down at my dining room table.

My dining room table was littered with petition crap: outlined cases, notes, the bluebook and copies of the bluebook exercise… pens, highlighters, coffee mugs…

I sat there , staring blankly at the petition mess when I heard a little voice inside me say:

Little voice: “Fuck, this, shit.”

I then spent the next ten minutes chewing pork and thinking about what this¹ meant:

Me: “Is this a fail whale situation? What does this say about my wherewithal? My priorities? Does this make the past week a huge waste of time? Can I just stick it out for the next few days?”

Little voice: “No. I’m quite serious. Fuck this shit.”

Me: “But what about all this time I invested in this?”

Little voice: “Is that how we make economic decisions? Time invested is not a reason to keep on with a bad decision. We are not GNC okay?”

Me: “But …what about my priorities?”

Little voice: “Exactly, asshole. What about your priorities? Since when was petitioning one of them? What about project x, y, and z? Hm? “Oh we will get to that during summer” you said. Well, it’s summer, and you’re petitioning. What about all those other things you wanted to do? Hm? Is being on a journal more important? (Mimicking Jillian Michaels) NO IT IS NOT! Fuck this shit.”

Me: “Well…but…”

Little voice: “But nothing. You have other things to work on. You even took off work to do this petition. That’s unacceptable. Fuck this shit. Say it with me now! Now go get started on those neglected-projects. NOW.”

Ugh. So I finished my pork, tossed my petition, and started my summer.²

¹ “This” being the decision to stop petitioning, not the fact that I was having an inner monologue…way past questioning that.

² Quitting something unimportant doesn’t feel like quitting at all…

1L summer

And it starts with a crash…

June 1, 2009

It’s the first day of summer school. So of course I’m in front of my locker – juggling book bag, tumbler, and my pricey shrink-wrapped textbooks – absolutely incapable of getting my locker open.

I try, and I try, and then I think I hear the locker click, so I try to pull it open….
…and it doesn’t work. I then lose my grip on my textbooks, which slide intomy tumbler….and after a brief moment of panicked juggling, there’s a loud CRASH and a Charlie-Brown style “ARRG!” …

Then I hear Jill’s voice from the next locker row:
Jill: “Welcome back Jansen!”
Oh bah-humbug. Seriously.

1L Summer Summaries / Law School – 1L

Best Summer Ever: Weeks 1 & 2

May 31, 2009

I sort of stumbled into summer, and it was messy…

My civil procedure exam variance smudged the line between spring semester and the first week of summer. The finals period ended on Friday the 15th but I had my last exam on Monday the 18th. I moved some more things into the apartment Monday and Tuesday, and spent the rest of the week working 10 hour days.

The rest of that week went like this: walk dog, iron, work for 10 hours, walk dog again, bed.

I also picked up my petition packet that Friday.¹

Last Sunday I moved the rest of my things out of the gamma house, which created an organizational nightmare – boxes and shitkram cluttered my apartment – even the dog gave me the “this is some bullshit” look… so I spent the beginning of week 2 cleaning and unpacking. The rest of the week consisted of work, hanging out ² with friends, and ignoring the periodic bitch-slaps from the petition-monkey latched to my back.

Two of my coworkers – Cheryl³ and Nadine – have kept tabs on my non-progress on the petition. Cheryl is mortified and amused. Nadine takes a more gung-ho approach since she is also petitioning at her law school:
Nadine: “I don’t understand those people who pick up petition packets and don’t finish them. I mean, there’s no such thing as not getting it done – even if I have to pull a few all-nighters – it will get done. It just has to.”
Amen.

I decided today that finishing the petition is a win-win situation because I’ll either get on a journal or have the satisfaction of showing out by completing the petition. So I spent today outlining my note. I will write it tomorrow. The petition is due Friday, and summer classes start tomorrow.⁴We’ll see how this goes…

overheard / Thomson Reuters

The apple chase

May 30, 2009

I pull two apples from my bag at work:
Me: “Ugh.”
Jack: “What?”
Me: “These aren’t organic so you can see the pesticide residue at the top of the apple. Jillian Michaels would not approve…”
Jack: “Ew, yeah. You’re gonna to have to wash those.”
Me: “But the sink is so far away… I should just…”
Jack: “Don’t. Just go and wash them. Stop being lazy.”Fine.

So I’m walking down the hallway to the bathroom to wash the apples and decide that it would be a good idea to juggle them.¹ I haven’t juggled anything since third grade so it was only a few moments before I launch one of the apples down the hallway and give chase…

The apple flies past the cafeteria doors and I almost plow into a janitor before snatching up the apple like a baseball.
Janitor (calling by back into the cafeteria to another janitor):“Hey, Marty! The interns are playing fetch again!”
I grunt, flush, and scurry away…

¹ It’s Saturday, so the office is fairly deserted. I don’t juggle fruit during the week…