2014 Fall / Minneapolis-St. Paul

Violence

October 20, 2014

A brawl broke out at bingo.

Mitchell and I are at Aliveness Project Bingo when a woman stumbles across the Townhouse Bar and demands a chair from our table. She drops the chair once and then picks it up only to trip and faceplant in front of the bingo caller.

Gay bars are pretty tolerant of over-served patrons, but falling in such a loud manner is guaranteed to get you kicked out of any place.

The bingo coverall game starts and I see fists flying out of the corner of my eye.
The barback and several patrons attempt to push the drunk woman out of the door. She starts kicking people in the face, and a second woman (who we later find out is her mom) starts wailing on people too.

Bingo eventually stops and we whip out our cellphones are record the fight.

Shooting season

There have been a lot of brawls and shootings at Minneapolis bars recently, but not every place gets stigmatized by random acts of violence.

Places like Augies and the Gay 90’s get characterized as dangerous, whereas no one says that about the 19 Bar, Saloon, or the Eagle.

Shootings at the mostly white bars are viewed as random acts of violence, whereas the same types of incidents can confirm people’s suspicions that minorities are inherently violent.
There are some bars that are truly dangerous, but they eventually lose their liquor license or otherwise shut down.
Statistically, downtown Minneapolis is by far the most dangerous part of the city (PDF) and it’s unfair to characterize a business based on one-off acts of violence or what happens on the sidewalk outside.

Going out at night always involves some level of risk, whether it’s a nutcase with a gun, the sketchy guy you take home, or a mother and daughter Kung fu fighting at bingo.

Epic night

January 22, 2010

Our epic night started with an epic movie – Avatar.

I was weary of that movie. I am not a big science fiction fan, and the poster of the blue people looked ridiculous. However, this is the most talked-about movie since Paranormal Activity, so I gave into the buzz. Eric was the best person to go with because it was his 4th time seeing the movie!

We went to the swank ShowPlace ICON theater in St. Louis Park. The theater has a free parking ramp, a lounge and bar, and HD menus at the concession stand.

I thought it was odd that the theater had numbered rows and seats like an airplane. This is a great idea for busier nights, but the theater had about 20 people in it and all of us sat awkwardly close together.

Eric and I were in an empty row when this odd man plops in the seat right next to me. Of course it is his assigned seat. A few minutes later, Oddball inserts himself into our conversation and starts telling us his childhood stories. Oddball is about to launch into another story when three of my classmates enter the theater, greet me, and inform us “bitch, you’re in our seats!”

Turns out we didn’t know how to read the row numbers.

So we happily move away from Oddball and nestled in the better, actually-assigned seating for nearly 3 hours of intense cinematography. The movie had stunning special effects, but my attention eroded during the last 20 minutes because the movie was so damn long…

Afterwards we met up with Sabrina at the 19 Bar, where we danced to Beyonce and got into a heated conversation with a boyish lesbian DJ about house music.

Then we went to the Saloon. It was hip-hop night and we had a hilarious time, but there was also at least one black eye and several people yarking all over the place – no one in our party of course, because we keep it classy…

There was also a trip to the Uptown Diner and Eric finally got to meet Gertrude, who has taken a liking to him:

I wonder if I can get shots of all of my friends with the dogs…

Today was a little miserable. My nose started running at the Saloon last night and I assumed that it was another allergic reaction to Eric’s cats. This afternoon the nasal congestion turned into full blown sneezing sickness, so I am going to take my diseased self to bed. After the dog walk of course…

1L summer / dogs / Minneapolis-St. Paul / overheard

The walk

May 23, 2009

Most dogs have a habit of kicking their hind legs to cover up their business.¹ But my dog has a habit of kicking his business.

So I’m standing on the corner of my street, texting.

Harley finishes his business, and I am not paying attention so I don’t catch him before he starts to kick his back legs and launches his business into the air.

Poo flies everywhere. I hear screaming from around the corner:

Mel: “WHAT WHAT WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? IS THAT SHIT? WHO IS THROWING SHIT?!”

Mel turns the corner and glares at me. Molly is sporting her standard uniform of daisy dukes, flip flops, dirty white tank top, and the overstuffed Cub grocery bag…and she is livid.

Mel: “Why, it’s that BIG ASS DOG again! And he throws shit now!
Mel (talking to the dog): “You think throwing shit is funny? THROWING YO SHIT AT PEOPLE DOG! YOU CANNOT DO THAT! You’re exactly what’s wrong with this country. YOU ARE A TERRORIST! TERRORIST!”

Harley walks towards Molly and she storms off screaming “terrorist.”

I exchange wtf-looks with the Somali men at the bus stop and keep it moving…

About ten minutes later I’m near Loring Park, texting again, and not paying attention to the crazy she-mullet approaching.

This lady had a fountain of spiky 80’s hair with an extra long rat tail. I really suspect she fluffed out a dead cat and decided to wear it as a headpiece, but maybe she just wants to bring back 80’s Tina Turner.

Tina: “Is that dog named Caesar?!”
Me: “Uh… no. He is not named Caesar.”
Tina: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Quite.”
Tina (bending down to pet): “Oh, well, I see a couple walking a dog like this all the time, and their dog is named Caesar!”

The full line of questioning and cooing followed – how old is he? Oh what a sweet dog! Is he mixed with anything? What a cute baby! Yes you are! How is his temperament? Oooh gimme kisses!

I almost felt like telling her about the poo flinging incident but didn’t want to prolong the Vh1 flashback.

We get away from Tina and turn the corner. We near the 19 Bar when a short stocky guy walks out from the bar’s parking lot. He reminds me of Buzz Lightyear, minus the cool costume.

Buzz: “Cute dog.”
Me: “Thank you.”

I start to wonder if Buzz is cute or not when Buzz’s cologne hits me. Actually, the cologne doesn’t just hit me, but it punches me in the gut, drags me around the corner, and then waterboards me. That’s how bad it was.

Buzz: “Are you okay?”
Me (gagging and wincing): “Oh, I’m fine. Have a nice day.”

Buzz looks at me like, “freak.” And prances into the bar. Buzz’s toxic cloud² followed.

I hope tomorrow’s walk around Calhoun is less eventful.

¹ Yes, this post starts with dog poop. Welcome to 1L summer!
² And I swear my clothes smell of whatever cologne he showered in. He’s wearing it for the entire bar…my goodness.

1L Spring Summaries / Life

Best Week Ever #2: fees and skates

February 2, 2009

What? It’s only been two weeks? Second semester is definitely busier for a few reasons:

Legal writing now has an (additional) statutory interpretation class that meets twice-a-week. There are also SSGs (structured study group) sessions wedged into my schedule.
Job-Scholarship search, application essays, etc.
Fees Committee season. We heard and debated discussed proposals for about six hours on Saturday. Fees Committee sessions are scheduled for most of this upcoming Friday (3pm onward) and Saturday.

Jamie and I saw The Uninvited* on Friday night. We used the comp tickets from the Unborn fiasco. The movie theater wasn’t as chaotic, but the girls next to us got into a fight with the movie theater cops. I’ve never heard someone call a police officer a “stupid m-f” to his face. It was impressive, in a “I feel bad for your public defender” sort of way.

The fees hearings took up the bulk of Saturday (noon-6pm-ish). That evening we went to the roller derby:

My camera only gave me two options that night – blurry or dark. Let’s blame the lighting. This was my first time at a roller derby. I didn’t expect it to be so family-friendly. The husbands of the rollergirls had shirts that read “Mr. (Wife’s Nickname)” the best was Mr. Strawberry Snatchcake. Yes. He actually had that on his shirt.

The roller derby was very tame. There were little kids running around everywhere. Brady, Jamie, and I got bored fairly quickly. Joe (who initiated the event) was MIA for the majority of the time. After the roller derby we went to the 19. On the way there I almost slid Charlie-Brown-Style on some black ice. Ugh.

Sunday Jamie and I loitered at Panera. I read this obnoxious case for Civil Procedure where the Supreme Court Justice attempted to compare a modern suit to 18th-century British claims for law and equity… it was dense, confusing, and irritating.

And apparently some of the Justices agreed: two of the concurring opinions said, “Uh guys, why are we doing this? We Justices not historians. We look ignorant, and we are wasting our time…” Yes Indeedy.

After Panera we went to Target and Ikea. I almost bought two (5-foot) palms for my room at Ikea, but when I got to the checkout line the cashier said, “Uh, that’s a display pot you can’t buy that.”
Me: “You mean this plain ceramic pot?”
Cashier: “Yeah. It has the product price tag on it. You can’t buy it.”
Me: “It’s a plain pot from a stack of plain pots. Can you just put the tag on another one?”
Cashier: “No. You need to get another pot”
Me: “Fine. I don’t want either of the plants or pots.”
I didn’t return her bitchy attitude, but I hope she had fun putting back those massive plants and the pots. I got some smaller plants from Home Depot.

I’ve noticed a change in my attitude: I have become more efficient. I realize that I am too busy for certain things, like arguing over an Ikea pot.

In the spirit of efficiency, I will work harder this week at single-tasking. I wasted a full two hours on Wednesday night doing a little bit of everything: scholarship essays, corresponding with professors, updating my calendar, etc – but I was at the library to read Criminal Law – not to do all those other things.

And what was the one thing I didn’t get done? Exactly.

*The Uninvited was an ‘okay’ ghost movie, but uses that cheap, “gotcha/camera trick” common to High Tension and (more recently) my Bloody Valentine.

1L Fall Summaries

Best Week Ever #11

November 16, 2008

Thursday night, Paige and I find ourselves staring at an old brick building on a side street near downtown. We are trying to find the Lavender Bar networking event at Clubhouse Jäger.
Me: “Is that Clubhouse Jäger?”
Paige: “I don’t think so…WAIT IS THAT A HAND?”
I look up and see a hand reaching out of the second floor window. It looks like the hand from the Crypt Keeper.

After stepping back into the street we see that it’s an iron statue of a wizard crawling out of a fake second-floor window. What the…

The entrance of the building was behind a stone wall that had a large onion dome…it looked like an abandoned Disney exhibit…and was definitely not Clubhouse Jäger.

After calling 411 I realized our mistake: Clubhouse Jäger is at 921 North Washington Avenue. We were at 921 South Washington Avenue… about two miles away.

So Paige and I started our adventure through downtown Minneapolis – first to the Metro station, then on foot, past a seedy strip club district, and onward to North Loop, a swank gentrification/overpriced condo neighborhood.

We finally got to Clubhouse Jäger….although we were so late that there were only a few (somewhat tipsy) lawyers left. It was fun though. The bartender freaked both of us out. He started annoying me by the end of the night…

Me: “May I have a Diet Coke?”
Bartender-Jester: “And what? Vodka? Rum?”
Me: “No. Just a Diet please.”
Bartender-Jester: “Just Diet? South Beach? Adkins? Trimspa Baby?”
Me (With the hissy glare): “Diet Coca-Cola. Thanks.”

Just give me my damn beverage. No one asked you to be entertaining. And even if we did… fail whale fail.

Paige and I ran into a law student from another law school that we remembered from the Outlaw Pub crawl. He was plastered, and didn’t remember us from the last event, (which he was plastered at too).

Good thing he won’t remember us bringing it up. Yikes. I met another 1L (from a section I have no contact with), a recent UMN Law grad, and a hilarious (fiery!) judge/former prosecutor. This networking thing is fun…

Went to the 19 Bar on Friday and Saturday night. Good times. Although the pool players were ridiculous on Saturday. One in particular sorely needed a belt…

People were pretty sloppy on Saturday. I think it’s because Jamie and I got there so late. I opened the bathroom door and the door accidentally hit someone. At first I thought someone was standing in front of the door, but I was wrong – there was a guy sitting on the floor. Of the bathroom. That pee soaked floor.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew – for real.

His friend was giving him the tsk-tsk look and said, “I’m going to get some water and then we are going to try to stand up okay?”

He nods. I judge.

Saturday was bizarrely productive. I did all of my contracts reading for the week at the Hennepin Library. Although my first spot was distracting – there was a guy watching a football game on a laptop and providing running commentary to the entire library, “RUN! RUN! RUN! SHITFUCK! FUMBLE!”

Indeed.

I moved to another section when the guy behind him started snoring loudly…

Stella and I were at the Hennepin Library earlier this week. And yes, the library has flickr.

The first thing I did today was go to the movies. I saw Quantum of Solace. Afterwards I went to Mrs. Fields and got what was a small bucket of oily pretzels. Delicious. I swear.

I got back to campus and realized that I had no highlighters in my locker. I went to the school bookstore on the other side of the river.

It was closed.

I then walked throughout stadium village and there wasn’t a single store that sold highlighters. Every other store sells beer, but I can’t get a single highlighter. Great.

I read torts at the new Dunn Brothers Café…underling instead of highlighting… I went home when they started playing Copa Copacabana on repeat.

1L Fall Summaries / gamma eta gamma / Law School / Life

Best Week Ever (Weeks 8 & 9)

November 3, 2008

The past two weeks couldn’t have been more different.

Week 8 was the most academically engaging week so far because of a contracts midterm and a legal writing memo.

The contracts midterm was an opportunity for me to outline my contracts class and synthesize my notes.

So I opened the exam feeling prepared and read the instructions. There are three parts to the exam. I breeze through the short answer questions, have a lot of fun on the long issue spotter…and then get to the last question:
Some doctrines of contract law are best characterized as standards, whereas others are better characterized as rules. Identify one doctrine of contract law that is closer to a rule than a standard, but that you feel ought to be closer to a standard than a rule. Explain. Then, identify one doctrine of contract law that is closer to a standard than a rule, but that you feel ought to be closer to a rule than a standard. Again, explain you reasoning. (Please do not use the doctrine of restitution in answering this question).
I stopped. Reread the question, exhaled, and then silently thought, “What. The. Fuck.”

Doctrines of contract law? Huh? What?

I scribbled a random, (probably incoherent) answer, and then printed the exam out. I decided there was no point in worrying about my (butchering) of the last question since this was only a practice exam…but needless to say that my subsequent class notes always have a “THIS IS A POLICY/RULE VS. STANDARD ARGUMENT!!!! MEMBA DIS FOR THE EXAM!” section.

Researching for the legal writing memo was a lot of fun. I did most of the work at cafes downtown. I love walking downtown from the law school because it’s a nice walk (and break) before I start work. Downtown Minneapolis is gorgeous too…

Studying off campus is also super-efficient. The nice thing about being the unshaven guy in the corner of the café, (intensely staring at his computer, mumbling to himself…) is that people assume you’re crazy and leave you alone.

Whereas in the law school the harder you concentrate the more likely you are to be approached by a classmate… “Hey! How about that one case…” And you know it’s true. We all become that distracting person at least a few times a week…

Apparently my work on the memo paid off – I met with my legal writing instructors to review my memo and they said,
“Your open memo was so thoroughly researched and bluebooked! Good job! We were pleasantly surprised because your closed memo was so terrible! What changed? Really…what happened!?”
Gulp.

I didn’t know whether to be happy or not. I didn’t think my closed memo was THAT bad… Hmmf.

The open memo was a lot easier to write because I was able to refer to statutes, restatements, and cases from other jurisdictions to get an idea of what I needed to write about. During the closed memo we could only use the excerpts from the 5 or so cases we were given…

Basically – with the open memo I could research myself into competence instead of scratching around a few select cases.

The contracts outline, midterm, and open memo created an unique time pressure for week 8. I loved it. I think that’s why it was the most academically rewarding week of the semester…

I also added a new study spot to my (sprawling) list during week 8: The Hennepin Public Library!

It’s like Ikea: the Library. Brand new and amazing.

Week 9 was Halloween week – and therefore “The Week of the Boomkats.”

Monday night I went to the Souless Affection show. It was the business.
Wednesday we went to the Townhouse and I was harassed by a guy claiming to be my twin. Yeah. Creepy.
Thursday we went to Bolt Underground where DJ Krischan Wesenberg (of Rotersand) did a live set. Afterwards, Eric and I went to see the Cazwell show at Saloon. Cazwell performed his new song, “I saw Beyonce at Burger King” which is hilarious.
Friday I played DJ in my laundry room of horrors (at the Gamma house party) and then spent about two hours driving the LLMs home. It was absolutely hilarious.

The Week of the Boomkats ended on Saturday when we went to the 19 Bar and Saloon. The 19 Bar is a laid back place in Loring Park with a semi-awkward crowd, whereas Saloon was strangely annoying on Saturday. Hm.

November is the beginning of finals season which is exciting. I hope to knock out one class outline per week (and of course, add this month’s material towards the end.) We’ll see how it goes…

19 bar