Today in family law Professor W told us what we already suspected:
Professor W: “The correlation between divorce grounds and the rate of divorce is weak. Sort of like the correlation between doing well in law school and doing well in practice… […]
Today in family law Professor W told us what we already suspected:
Professor W: “The correlation between divorce grounds and the rate of divorce is weak. Sort of like the correlation between doing well in law school and doing well in practice… […]
I think Jill coined a new term.
Me: “So, Jack overheard ‘dresses inappropriately boy’ from Tax Law talk about what fashion disasters the other students are.”
Jill: “Oh my god! Really? Even after he wore a neon colored hat, skinny jeans, and man-Uggs yesterday?!”
Me: “Yep. But you know, I try not to judge because very few people are intentionally annoying.”
Jill: “Yes, but some people who are not intentionally annoying are still negligently annoying, and should know better, and should feel social pressure to pay more attention.”
Snaps, Jill. Snaps.
One of today’s topics in my Family Law class was restrictions on parents’ rights to name their children.
Family law is a huge class. There are over 100 people in the room, but instead of deterring embarrassing and irrelevant comments, the class size seems to ensure that every loon in the law school is represented ala But No Thanks.
The conversation got so ridiculous that people openly laughed at the speakers.
One can only take a mother’s right to name her child “5 + 5” so seriously, but there was a boy who said that the name would be fine if it was written “Five plus Five” instead of numericals.
The best comment was not by one of the loons, but by a rather pleasant girl who shall forever be known as Ms. Ass:
Ms. Ass: “…I get what he’s saying about names. My parents love me, but my initials are “ASS.”
I was only briefly traumatized in 2nd grade when the 5th graders found out… but in undergrad, Bumble University used our initials as our email address. So when applying to law school, I had to get documentation from Bumble U that I did not pick “ASSØØ4@bumble.edu” to be my email.”
I love it.
The class has slowly deteriorated…
Jill is harsh.
Professor W: “Those you in the class with kids! What if your kid was 15 and wanted to marry a 48-year-old guitar teacher. What would you do?”
Jill: “All girls boarding school!”
Professor W: “Where they beat them?”
Jill: “Sure!”
Professor W: “Or where they handcuff them to the bed at night?”
Jill: “Well if she wanted to marry a 48-year-old…”
Professor W doesn’t agree.
Professor W: “Should the husband be allowed after 25 years to go “oh we weren’t married at all …hahaha fuck you?’ Well? Should he, Judge Smith? Will you let him do that?”
Jack: “Yes!”
Professor W: “NO YOU WILL NOT!”
Me: “Hi, (twitches) I was here last week about my Conlaw II grade…and I was wondering (twitch) what the status on that was…”
Infodesk guy: “Hm. I thought those were in last week. Let me call Registrarman.”
Me (still twitching, and sweating): “Thank you.”
Five minutes later, Registrarman comes out.
Registrarman: “The Conlaw grades were in over a week ago. They should be up.”
Me: “But my grade isn’t up.”
Registrarman: “That’s odd. I posted all of the Conlaw I grades last week…”
Me: “Oh, nono, but I am in Conlaw II!”
Registrarman: “OH! That’s a different course!”
Me (twitch): “Yes. It is. Sorry, I don’t want to be a pest, but, (twitch) I have had all of my other grades for a while, and this the ONLY grade I’m waiting on and…so…um like US Americans and such as…”
Registrarman: “Let me go check that one.”
He disappears for 5 more minutes.
Registrarman: “Your professor has until February 1st to turn the Conlaw II grades in. She’s not late yet.”
Me (twitching, sweating, my deoderant breaking down…): “Oh…okay…thank you…”
I then scurry off awkwardly, trying not to stumble as Registrarman cackles evilly. Womp.
Professor W returns. I had her for Wills & Trusts last summer, and now I am in a 100-person Family Law course with her. I didn’t take Family Law for the blog fodder, seriously…but…
The old “is the used book okay?” question:
Professor W: “People ask me the difference between the 4th edition of the book and the old one. And I don’t know how to answer that. How much is the new book?”
Jill: “$150!”
Professor W: “Good god! And how much is the old book?”
Jack: “I got it for $10.”
Professor W: “Wow…that’s a difference…well, what would you spend the extra money on?”
Jack: “Well, when I bought the used book for Wills & Trusts, I used the extra money to go to a Packers game, and I thought that was a good investment!”
Professor W: “That doesn’t sound appealing to me at all! Good thing we are different. And you might be dead tomorrow. You might not have a chance to spend that money. Buy the new book”
About love and marriage:
Professor W: “It’s because of this western notion that we make lifetime commitments for “love,” which is really dumb. There are so many better reasons to marry than love that are more binding. Why do you think so many of your friends are divorcing? It’s because they entered into this thing with unrealistic expectations!”
Professor W:”Another problem is that we live too long. It might be alright to marry for love if your life expectancy is 37, but if you live to 100 – my god – that’s a long time to be with one person. How dull!”
Hunger kicked in during the middle of Jack’s answer in Employment Law:
Jack: “I think it’s reasonable because the employee’s actions don’t show wonton disregard… wonton? Wanton?”
Professor I: “Wanton. Wonton is the Chinese restaurant.”
Jack: “It’s almost lunch time!”
More from Employment Law:
The one thing I love about my Real Estate Law professor is her ability to control the classroom while keeping a smile on her face.
Yesterday, Eager Beaver, a boy who actively participates in class, was particularly eager to answer Professor E’s questions.
Towards the end of class, Jill was visibly annoyed by Beaver’s participation.
Professor E asked another question to the class. Beaver’s hand shot up. Jill muttered dark threats under her breath and was obviously considering how to make it look like an accident…
Professor E caught Jill’s look of sheer hatred, and then turned to Beaver and said, “You’ve been really good about participating today. How about we give someone else give a chance who hasn’t had the opportunity to speak yet? (then turns to the class) Who wants to speak?”
Other Professor E posts:
I am a little clumsy, so I spend a significant amount of time pancaked on the law school’s stairs, frantically picking up my books.
Usually no one catches the shit show, but Jill entered the stairwell right after I fell, coffee cup in hand…
Jill: “OH MY GOD ARE YOU OKAY?”
Me (getting up): “Oh, I am on a mission to douse every stairwell in the law school with coffee…”
Jill: “What?”
Me: “Nothing. Just clumsy I guess! I should buy a pair of knee pads…”
Jill (scoffing): “Looks like you’d be better off investing in a helmet.”
See also: The Best of Jill.
Yesterday’s topic in Real Estate Law was Due-On-Sale clauses in mortgages. These clauses allow a lender to demand repayment of the entire loan amount upon the sale of property:
Professor E: “The game was hiding the sale from the lender. Every market had a few lawyers that people knew would be willing to do this. So people who wanted to cheat their lenders would go to these lawyers…well, I guess saying “cheat” is a value judgment isn’t it? So anyway they would go to these lawyers to cheat their lenders…”
Jill: “Wait! You seem to be implying it is wrong to do this.”
Professor E: “You’re right!”
This triggered a 10 minute discussion on the ethics of lawyers helping clients hide transfers of property interests from lenders.
Professor E: “Wow, maybe this is an avoidance of the next topic because I’ve never had so much participation!”
And she was right. The next topic was mortgage backed securities. Eek.
Other OTR posts with Professor E:
In a perfect world…
Professor A: “Cleaning supplies should be deductible. Maybe in a perfect world the IRS would monitor the spic-and-span, the toilet paper, and all that crap and see if it is taxable, but they don’t.”
Words of Wisdom:
Professor A: “This is another one of my tax rules: you can’t have your cake and eat it too. If a tax scheme looks too good to be true, it is. And you and your client will get into trouble if you participate.”
Other Tax law posts:
Note: I refer to my tax professor as “Professor A” simply because “Professor T” was taken. The naming issue was really bad during my first semester when I had Contracts, Conlaw, and Civil Procedure.
This happened to me last year:
Fail.
I was going to write a post about the ridiculous spending patterns at the law school: we have a student lounge with a flat screen TV, pool table, and video game machines, but our classrooms smell1, the seats collapse, and the temperature control is underwhelming. A can of febreeze would do far more good than a pinball machine.
So, I started writing my cranky post when the administrator in charge of orientation2 came by my table and gave me a handwritten thank you note and Take 5 candy bar for serving as an orientation leader.
Then, on my way to class, the Lexis representative had a spread of (good) candy and muffins. She was busy and tired, so I didn’t even have to talk to her to get the food…although I did tell her how much I loved Best Authority.
Muffin and candy bar in hand, law school was suddenly awesome. Who cares that that the class rooms smell like snot? They feed me!
I walk into my Conflicts class full of sugary goodwill and see Jill:
Me: “The Lexis lady has free muffins and candy bars!”
Jill: “WHAT?”
Me: “Free food! The Lexis lady is giving out muffins and candy. And you don’t even have to talk to her. It’s amazing.”
Jill: “You mean she’s giving away muffins ON THE DAY OF THE WLSA BREAST CANCER BAKE SALE?! That bitch!”
Me: “I was just trying to spread the good word…”
Jill stifles a scream then storms out of the room.
Woops.
1 I suspect they don’t shampoo the carpet.
2 Aka, the “go to” lady who everyone loves.
The seating situation of the classroom is important to explain the hot messitude, so here is a diagram:
The blue rectangles are the tables. The seating is tiered.
I sit in seat A.
Sarah is in seat B.
Brenda is in seat C, and Bill is in seat D.
Jill is in seat E.
Because Sarah sits almost directly behind me, I cannot see her unless I fully turn around. I can easily see Bill and Brenda if I turn to the side. I can see Jill without turning.
So throughout Conflicts yesterday I kept hearing this nasty, mucusy coughing. It was the type of wet coughing that makes everyone who hears it visualize the gunk and puss sloshing around in the cougher’s throat.
Gross. I know.
The coughing was interrupted by that nasty “sucking my snot in” sound.
After a while it became distracting, so I turned slightly and looked at Bill and Brenda. Both looked horrified.
The second time I turned around, both Bill and Brenda had their faces covered with their jackets. Maybe someone farted?
The entire time I see Jill’s face becoming more and more distorted. She’s watching a train wreck.
I turn again and see that Brenda moved to the back row! Bill is shielding his face with his coat. Jill is beside herself.
I finally do an almost-discrete-but-not-quite turn and see the cause of the commotion: Sarah is disgustingly sick. Snot is streaming all over her face, and she was snorting, sniffing, and coughing away. H1N1 was flying around the room like dust particles from an old pillow. We were all going to catch the plague, and die, and miss our finals.
After class Jill exchanges a frantic look with me and mouths: “THAT IS SO GROSS!”
Jill: “Oh my god, Sarah is so disgusting! She was wiping her snot with her FINGERS! WITH HER FINGERS!! Why would you come to school like that?”
Me: “Well, maybe she had an allergy attack or something… and Conflicts is sort of a hard class to miss.”
Jill: “That’s just unacceptable. Fail.”
Just then, Sarah comes out of the classroom. Jill yelps and practically jumps across the hall, almost knocking over some 1Ls in the process. I expected her to point and scream “PLAGUE!!! PLAGUE!!! SHE BE SPREADING THE PLAGUE!! BURN THE WITCH!”
We’ll see if Sarah shows up today.
And yes, I am bringing a baggie of Kleenex and a mini-hand-sanitizer bottle as a gift for Sarah just in case today’s class is a repeat of yesterday’s hot messitude.
It’s flu season…even in Conlaw:
Professor L: “So Jill, what was the compelling interested claimed by the school board?”
(Jack coughs)
Jill: “Well the school board argued that…”
(Jack coughs louder)
Jill: “…and then said that…”
(Jack coughs)
Jill: “…but the court didn’t buy it.
Professor L: “Sorry Jill, I missed that because someone was coughing. Repeat!”
Jack (mouthing): “SORRY!”
Other Professor L posts:
My tax professor has his priorities right:
Professor A: “I should have your midterms back, but I am going to three sporting events in the next three days instead of grading your papers…it’s a sports overload that my wife’s not very happy about…”
My employment law professor keeps warning us that the ERISA material is boring:
Professor I: “I guarantee you the ERISA preemption case is…uh…well, it’s not fun. Good luck with that! See you next week!”
(I actually think the ERISA regulations are interesting and get to read a lot of ERISA-cases at work.)
My Real Estate law class has gone from a dull review of property law to an ultra-complicated look at the secondary mortgage market and rights of the mortgagee upon non-payment
Professor E: “Let me just tell you where we are going to start on Monday because I feel like I did enough damage today...”
I think most of us are unspeakably confused in that class. Thank goodness employment law and conlaw II are still easy…
Today’s Employment Law class consisted of a lecture on the Fair Labor Standards Act.
Professor I. was underwhelmed by our engagement:
Professor I: “I’ve succeed in glazing over almost every eye in the room. That’s an accomplishment!”
Professor I: “See you tomorrow if you can overcome what I did to you today…”
See also: Socratic Preemption, and all “On the Record” posts.
A few minutes into my Conflicts class we heard a ringing sound from the hallway. Jill sits by the door, which has a window to the hallway:
Professor V: “What is that ringing sound?”
Jill: “I think it’s coming from the hallway.”
Professor V: “Hm.”
Jill (opening door): “It’s coming from out here, but I’m not sure what it is. Carbon Monoxide?”
Jack: “Is that a fire alarm?”
Professor V: “Probably not. Jill, let us know if you see flames.”
Jill: “Will do!”
A little Carbon Monoxide isn’t going to interrupt Conflicts.
Other Professor V posts:
Last class we filled out evaluations:
Professor A: “Thank you for filling out my teaching evaluations. They are being evaluated by the Afghanistan election commission so it’s going to take some time to get a result…”
Professor A, who practices at a fancy firm downtown, gives us practice tips:
Professor A: “Today’s practice tip: You can’t expect all of your clients to like you. You can only hope that they respect you.”
The professor then told us about a news story where a policeman’s wife had an affair with a doctor. The policeman found out, lured the doctor to his house, threatened to sue, and then demanded $150,000. The doctor gave the policeman $25,000, which did not constitute a gift.
Professor A: “The newspaper story did not say what the basis of the policeman’s threatened suit would be…but then again, only people from Arkansas know what their law is.”
At least Professor R is honest about the reading:
“You don’t need to read the mortgage financing forms word-for-word because if you’d try to you’d quickly go insane because they are really boring…”
Should have read your HUD booklet.
Professor E: “Mrs. Smith, do you remember getting your HUD special information booklet when you bought your house?”
Jill: “Uh, no. I don’t remember that at all. But I was young when I bought my house so I sort of rushed through it. I got totally screwed though…”
And the case quote of the day:
There is a group of inmates at the LCC who call themselves “the Peckerwoods.” This group of inmates has been identified by the facility as a security threat group. Gibbens v. Sabatka-Rine, D.Neb.,2009.
The Peckerwoods case involved a prisoner who had a lot of enemies in jail. He made most of these enemies before he got to the jail – he had ripped someone off, murdered someone else’s brother…
The prisoner was attacked by a member of the Peckerwoods gang in the prison kitchen and alleged that the warden was “deliberately indifferent to the serious risk of harm” that the Peckerwoods member posed to him.
His case was dismissed because he failed to show that the warden was aware that his attacker posed a threat to him.
The room for my Conflicts class always smells like snot.
So I am sitting in this snot-scented room 10 minutes before class. No one else is in the room yet.
The snot smell becomes oppressive, and I decide it is time for a freshness update. And gasp! Surprise, surprise! There is a can of Axe in my bag!
So I spray the Axe.
A minute later Jill walks in.
She puts her stuff down in the back of the room and then starts hacking. I turn around and Jill is running out of the room.
Jill: “Do you TASTE that?”
Me: “What?”
Jill: “Sorry.” (HACK) “Someone released a perfume bomb back there!”
Woops.
See also: The Best of Jill.