Why yes, it has gotten cold. Why do you ask?
It’s 19° with a “feels like” temp of 4°.
Why yes, it has gotten cold. Why do you ask?
It’s 19° with a “feels like” temp of 4°.
I didn’t know how tired I was until I took a day off.
Today was the first day that I didn’t have to go to work or do homework…since August. And it feels good.
Viva la break.
So I’m at the bar and a Music Professor approaches me. The Professor is tipsy, but friendly. We talk. After a half hour of conversation the Professor asks for a hug.
Professor: “Can I have a hug?”
Me: “Uh, why?”
Professor: “I just want a hug.”
Me: “I’m not a touchy-feely person. Swine flu and all that…”
Professor: “How about a back rub?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Professor: “How about I give you a back rub?”
Me: “Um, No. I’m a law student. I feel better with the tension in my shoulders. Keeps me in fighting mode. Hiyah!”
Professor: “What about a hug?”
Ugh.
So this continues, but we eventually slip back into normal conversation with intermittent hug-pleas, but then:
Professor: “You’re very attractive.”
Me: “Thanks. But that doesn’t make me worth talking to.”
Professor: “But you’re also a law student.”
Me: “Again, another reason why I’m not a good person to talk to. We are a breed of ogre…”
Professor: “But one of my favorite movies is The Paper Chase!”
Me: “I know, you’ve mentioned this.”
Professor: “Go to my facebook page! You will see that I like the Paper Chase!”
Me: “Oh, I believe you.”
Professor: “Can I get a hug?”
The entire time this is happening, Jack and his clique are standing 5 feet from us, POINTING AND LAUGHING! The Professor is facing me so he can’t see the audience of ridicule.
The Professor eventually dived in for a hug and I gave Jack a frantic “GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW” wave.
Jack let me panic for a moment and then responded to my dark threats and rescued me.
Jack slid into the spot next to me. I gasped as if Santa had just arrived and then turned away from the Professor to latch onto Jack like a life raft on the titanic.
It took the Professor about 5 minutes of solid cold shoulder to get the clue, but he eventually left.
Me: “Oh my god. Thank you so much!”
Jack: “Your problem is that you are too nice.”
Hmmf. Maybe.
After a subsequent run-in with the Professor I decided to leave the Eagle and went to the Saloon. There was a little bit of drama at the Saloon – actually, there was a lot of drama. At one point there was a guy decked out on the floor because someone smashed a beer bottle of his head.
At one point there was a guy decked out on the floor because someone smashed a beer bottle of his head, proving once again that Minnesotans are not always nice.
I also spent some time ignorning Mittens.2
Mittens (and his female sidekick, Mittenette) always shoot unsolicited bitchy looks at Phillip and I. But a pair of contacts and a haircut later, Mittens suddenly wanted to talk to me.
Pfft.
1 Talking 21+ bars here.
2 We call him Mittens because he always wears ridiculous half-gloves like an extra in a Lady Gaga video.
Here’s what happened:
Barista: “DUDE! Shut up and leave!”
Flem: “NO I WILL NOT LEAVE! I WILL STAND HERE! CRACK CULTURE SUCKS! BLACK CULTURE SUCKS! EVERYONE IN HERE IS WHITE!”
Yesterday, all I wanted to hear was “look back at me” by Trina. I waged a steady nagging campaign all night, but the host was not playing my song.
Then it struck me.
After last night’s rally, I felt armed for this morning’s Conflicts of Laws exam.
I was exhausted, queasy, but prepared.1
I tried my best to remain super cranky on this morning’s dog walk, but it is hard to stay bitter around a big, bumbling dog.
I got the library, avoided the beaver, and reviewed while using copious amounts of tabbies.
The Conflicts exam was another elegant, concise exam. No chaos, distracting typos, or panicked exercises in figuring out what the heck the question is.
I am now at Wilde Roast, in my home stretch preparations for tomorrow’s 8-hour Constitutional Law exam. One more, and I’m done!
1That half & half was really bad…
It is 8pm. My Conflicts exam is in 12 hours. I feel tired, cranky, and ridiculous.
I haven’t seen my boyfriend in two weeks. He said he was going to come over tonight, but watched a movie with his roommate instead. These are busy times – they live together and haven’t seen each other in a week.
The cream in my coffee tastes off. I look at the “use by” date and it says November 15th. It is December 20th. Epic fail.
Then the dog farts. It smells like rotten mouse.
So I am sitting there – tired, lonely, with undrinkable coffee and unbreathable air. This is not going to work.
I take the dog on a walk. It isn’t so terribly cold, and the air is breathable.
When I come back to the apartment the air is safe again. I dump the coffee and creamer., and pour a fresh cup.
I then sit down, retool the outline, and get it done. 2 more exams and I’m done!
Professor L explained why our exam is eight hours:
Professor L: “The reason I give you eight hour exams is not just sadism. That’s just a part of it! I like people to suffer…”
She then went on to say that the time limit is to give us time to think about, and flesh-out our answers, but that was lost in the nervous laughter.
After the shock that was employment law, I engaged in a bit over-study for today’s Real Estate law exam.
So I dragged a bloated, coffee-stained outline into the exam room. It felt like carrying a bible with tabbies.1
The outline had two major chunks. I am a firm believer that every 100 pages of substantive outline needs to be covered with at least one irreverent picture. My outline was about 200 pages, so I got two pictures.
The first table of contents featured a picture of Miss Lepore as photographed by David LaChapelle:
The second table of contents had a picture of my favorite lolcat: chastity kitty.
As paper was flying during the exam I kept coming across the pictures of Amanda Lepore and Chastity Kitty, and I snickered each time. Best exam ever.2
1 Although it was determined yesterday that beating the exam with my outline while screaming “I’M FILLED WITH MORTGAGE LOVE!” would probably be disruptive and possibly be against the honor code.
2 The real estate law exam was elegant. It was only four pages! I think the one-question tort exam last year was at least 10 pages. And that’s not even an exaggeration! I walked in the snow, uphill, both ways for a single question 10 page exam! Oh those were the days…
I knew to worry two days ago when I read the sample multiple choice question for the exam:
In State v. Hennepin County, the majority opinion declined to address the BFOQ issue raised by Justice Coyne’s dissenting opinion because:
The multiple choice questions were nitpicky. That’s the only polite description. It was worse than the tax exam. It felt like they paid someone to stand inside the exam room and deliver a nice, firm, back-handed bitchslap to us while screaming, “You thought this class was easy huh?! WRONG!”
Anyhoot, another one down… now on to Real Estate law…
I was scrubbing three inches of snow off my car at 5:30am and arrived at school by 6.
After two hours of excitement and trying to make sense of § 1031 exchanges, I went to the exam room with a pile of books and tabbed notes. I didn’t feel the least bit ridiculous carrying so much crap because these are the tools of comfort. If the professor says open note, then I will bring my notes on the not-so-off chance that I will have to look up the answer to an obscure question.
The exam consisted of multiple choice and short answer. The multiple choice questions were pretty straightforward and not as hard as the questions on the practice exam. No odd-color questions besides the 1031 essay question.
The problem I had with studying the § 1031 material is that the numbers in Professor A’s examples were off…but, tax being OVER, this is all blissfully irrelevant until next semester’s corporate tax class.
1 down. Four to go. Now, off to prepare for exam #2: Employment law.
Before recapping the past few weeks, I offer my stressed-out 1L readers a metaphor. No, this isn’t about liability looming in the air or about tree-fruit. This is a metaphor about law school:
“Finals are like the last drop on a rollercoaster ride.”
Brilliant, no? No? Okay, let me explain…
A good rollercoaster ride is taxing and scary. Halfway through, everyone questions why they decided to get on the ride in the first place. It wouldn’t be a good rollercoaster if the ride was pleasant.
Pleasantness is for those Jennifer-Aniston lovers over there on the teacup ride. You waited in the ungodly long line for the rollercoaster because you are hardcore, and this is how you roll.
Right now, I am at the peak of the final drop of the rollercoaster. The view is great, but the bullshit fun is about to start. What’s the worst that can happen?
Erm… Okay. Barring some Final Destination disaster (or a stray bullet) the worst that can happen is a C, maybe a C minus.
And that is why law school finals are like the last drop on a rollercoaster. Finals entail stress and work, but the GPA concerns are about as serious as the rollercoaster rider worried about yarking up a hotdog. Yes, it’s a real concern – C’s and puke suck – but worrying about law school finals is still very charmed position to be in.
You guessed it, I’m pulling the “some children are starving” card:
Or the laid-off-worker-with-family card, or the foreclosure card, or the mental health card… the point is that some people have real problems, and no, sorry, law school finals do not qualify. The worst that can happen is a bad grade, and the world will not end with a C. Trust me. (And even if you aim to be an associate at a posh firm, remember they get fired too.)
Whether I am making videos about finals, throwing shade in the library, or shaking because I have just studied for 13 hours straight, I always remember that finals stress is about as serious (and non-serious) as puking hotdogs after a rollercoaster ride. I’m sure I’ll find a mop.
So the review of the past few weeks?
That’s all!
On Thursday I had a review session for Real Estate law, and needed to print notes. I went to the law school library to print, and I was shocked by the wave of irritation that came over me.
The psst, psst, whispers. Girl on phone. Whooping cough boy…
I was not there to study – I just wanted to print – but within 5 minutes I was tense, twitchy, and annoyed.
I can study in cafes, undergrad libraries, public libraries, and at home with a 100lb dog sleeping on me, but somehow the law school library irritates the hell out of me.
I think it is the reminder of all the annoying people I spent the past semester with. Irrelevant question boy, petty gossip girl, Mr. mouth-odor, Mrs. body-odor, Facebook Scrabble boy, streaming-video-in-class girl… the smug skunk…
The little house of horrors was all here, and I needed to get out, immediately. You can find me at Dunn Brothers, or maybe Wilde Roast…
NPR said that the snow storm would worsen Wednesday. They used the term “blinding snow” so I figured that I had to go into work yesterday afternoon to avoid the impending whiteout.
I rethought the wisdom of going to work while crossing the Mendota bridge. The snow clung to my windshield and a semi-truck tailgated me Jeepers Creepers-style. I was surely going to die there on that bridge. Who was going to walk Harley?
I made it to work alive and worked for 10 hours.
I considered leaving around 7pm because the building felt abandoned and the snow had picked up – I felt like the lone beachgoer who didn’t get the memo about the typhoon.
After a gchat consultation with a classmate, I decided to stick it out until midnight, and I am glad that I did.
I was shocked by how bright it was outside of the office. A team of caterpillar plow trucks had cleared a pathway to my car, and one of the drivers lit up my car as I defrosted and scraped the windows.
The roads in Eagan were semi-plowed, and the speeding drivers of the afternoon had vanished to the ER.
I made it home before 1am. The next task was walking the much-neglected dog. I put on my gear: snowboots, face mask, 2 pairs of long johns, gloves… and then took Harley outside looking like a Chechen sniper.
Unlike the bitching I got earlier this semester, the dog LOVED the deep snow! He was so excited that I had to take him off the leash because he kept dragging me through the snow as if he was on an audition to become Santa’s next reindeer.
I took Harley to the park this morning so he could continue his frolicking. Pictures are here.
It’s 8:23am and 17 degrees.
I was supposed to leave for my last tax law class at 8:20am, but I am still on my street, attempting to start my frozen car.
The car starts.
It’s time to do a 3-point turn.
I move the car into the street and my brakes fail. All I can do is clutch the steering wheel and give a pathetic look as my car slowly slides into the side of the car across the street.
Luckily, my car is sliding SO slowly that I don’t leave any dents or set off any alarms. I did a quick check to see if anyone saw the hot messitude and then booked it to class.
Professor A: “I think, when you look back on this semester, and particularly this class, you will remember that this is the first class you had at 8 in the morning…
…and now, the last day of class is the anniversary of Pearl Harbor! President Roosevelt said that this is “the day that will live in infamy” and I don’t know if that pertains to this class or the exam…but uh, I decided to start the day by giving you something. So here are some chocolates!”
Professor A ended class with a longer, prepared speech. And that was it. My tax class was over. Tax was definitely my favorite class this semester, probably because it was the most challenging. (And yes, I was a CivPro buff 1L year as well…)
The final is in exactly a week. Heavenly…
Professor E: “Thank you for a great semester. Even from the first day you’ve been great, which is unusual…”
Professor E then darted out of the room as we clapped, which was awkward, but as a 2L I have grown to expect, accept, and embrace the awkwardness that is law school.
It’s like being in a Dilbert Comic strip with heavy books and beavers instead of cats.
I spent most of the day with the tax outline.
Finals preparation comes with a sense of accomplishment that is absent from everyday class reading. I love the periodic realization that a topic confusing in class suddenly makes sense! It’s like:
My tax preparation is an advent calendar of these small victories.1
I spent the majority of the semester lost and overwhelmed with information and expected not to remember anything from the beginning of the semester. But it turns out that the topics built on each other, so the early material was ingrained in me throughout the semester. Glensaw Glass, Old Colony Trust, Hickman, … I get it, I think. Maybe. We’ll see…
I also spent some time at work today. During a break, I had a phone conversation with the boyfriend. I think he understands that the next 17 days determine my grades for the semester and that I’ll shower when it’s over.2
But until then, I am in that unapologetic, self-involved, hermit mode called “law student during finals.”
The boyfriend claims to understand and says he’s supportive, but I suspect he’s thinking: “Crap. I’m dating a hunchback.”
That’s actually a reference to Transylmania, a slapstick horror comedy we saw last night. The movie has a huge cast of characters, including a hot Romanian girl who seduces a guy online, but neglects to tell him about her hideous, veiny, hunchback.
That sums up the situation.
The neglect has an end date (Dec. 22nd!) and I’m sure everything’s gonna be alright.
Hunger kicked in during the middle of Jack’s answer in Employment Law:
Jack: “I think it’s reasonable because the employee’s actions don’t show wonton disregard… wonton? Wanton?”
Professor I: “Wanton. Wonton is the Chinese restaurant.”
Jack: “It’s almost lunch time!”
More from Employment Law:
I was exhausted after school today, so Harley and I took a nap after the afternoon walk.
I woke up to snoring around 7:30pm. I forgot that Harley was the one sleeping next to me, so when I turned to tell Joel that he was snoring too loudly, I was greeted by a smiling bullmastiff mug, which promptly blew snot all over my face. Bleh.
Harley and I walked around Lake of the Isles tonight.
Some of the mansions around the lake have gaudy holiday displays that have beautiful reflections on the lake. The walk was unusual because it was cloudless and oddly quiet due to the lack of screaming children and intense middle-aged runners. The lake surface was still except for when we were approached by a flock of shadowed geese that glided towards us like a little army of Loch ness monsters.
Harley saw the geese and did his imposing, big-dog “Imma eat all y’all” stance.
The geese said “nevermind” and floated back into the darkness.
After the walk, I sat down and finished the reading for tomorrow. I always do my tax law reading first. Tax is typically the longest and most difficult assignment I have – and it makes all of the other assignments read like James Patterson novels minus the dramatic cliffhangers.
Tomorrow’s lunch period needs to be ultra productive because I am going to try to make it to Trivia night in St. Paul. Our team is called “Beauty and the Beasts” and we came in second place last week despite only having three people:
We’ll see how we do tomorrow.
It is easy to fall into a funk during finals.
Joel and I had a conversation about law school on the way home from Thanksgiving dinner. It was a familiar whine-fest and the gist was:
“It’s funny how law schools don’t tell prospective students how irrelevant “prestige” is or how shitty our employment prospects are. This is something you realize halfway through, when you’re stuck.”
I felt like a student who found out his online technical college wasn’t accredited. This was an expensive waste of time. Shitty-shitty-bang-bang, wah-wah-wah. The whining and apathy probably wasn’t easy to listen to, but luckily Joel couldn’t figure out a good way to kick me out of the car at the nearest bus stop.
I try to take the dog on at least one 5 mile walk every day during the few hours of winter daylight. These extended walks are perfect for thinking things through. During today’s walk I reminded myself of why I chose to go to UMN and not a free school:
The ass busting skill is the most vital one to develop in law school. Most of the other stuff is superficial and unspeakably irrelevant in the real world.
I am MacGyver, and I attend a school of MacGyvers.
This is exactly why this is going to be a stress-free finals season – it’s not about the grade, but about working hard and learning the material. The point is not being able to make a rocket out of a ballpoint pen and a paper clip better than the next guy, but to be able to make the rocket out of the ballpoint pen. Once we get outside of the McGuiver academy we can use our skills in the real world, and good things will happen.3
1 Work hard, smart, and crushing the competition with a smile. One of the best ways to teach people to work hard is to find the smartest students and grade them on a curve. Even the C student in that situation knows how to bust his (or her) ass, and will be fine in the real world. This is why the vast majority of UMN students pass the bar, and go on to succeed in a variety of random career fields.
2 What is outrageous is that one of my orientation speakers told me this last year – she said that the point of law school is not the perfect grades, the journal position, or national ABA moot court team – the point is to learn how to work hard and graduate. I guess I just had to come to that conclusion myself…
3 Method vs. result… akin to the true athlete and the person who ruins their health for the temporary beach body.
