5 steps to productivity

September 26, 2009

People at a cafe by Tim Gouw via Unplash

Is it that time of year? During the past week, I have received a disturbing number of angsty emails and direct messages from 1Ls along the line of “oh my god I’m drowning.”

Obviously my advice to “calm down, breathe, and just do” is falling on deaf ears so I’m going to give the panic crew an assignment, due by the end of next week: 5 steps to productivity.

1. Ditch the laptop.

Typically you do not need a computer to complete your reading assignments. Write the page numbers down on a piece of paper and leave the laptop in your locker. This way you can focus on Torts and Contracts, and not the fug blog, which is only mildly related to the tort of intentional infliction of emotional distress.

2L Fall / Law School / on the record

Abortion, gore, and humor

September 25, 2009

Yesterday I read for Conlaw II at the Spyhouse. A full hour of Madonna’s 80’s hits was playing while I read stuff like:
After sufficient dilation the surgical operation can commence. The woman is placed under general anesthesia or conscious sedation. The doctor, often guided by ultrasound, inserts grasping forceps through the woman’s cervix and into the uterus to grab the fetus. The doctor grips a fetal part with the forceps and pulls it back through the cervix and vagina, continuing to pull even after meeting resistance from the cervix. The friction causes the fetus to tear apart. For example, a leg might be ripped off the fetus as it is pulled through the cervix and out of the woman. The process of evacuating the fetus piece by piece continues until it has been completely removed. A doctor may make 10 to 15 passes with the forceps to evacuate the fetus in its entirety, though sometimes removal is completed with fewer passes. Once the fetus has been evacuated, the placenta and any remaining fetal material are suctioned or scraped out of the uterus. The doctor examines the different parts to ensure the entire fetal body has been removed.
Gonzales v. Carhart, 550 U.S. 124, 136 (2007)

Bleh. The abortion segment of the Conlaw is my least favorite. But Professor L’s asides kept things light in class:

This is the most important class. Ever:
Professor L: “I’m sure you think about the 10th amendment all the time!”
Overhead issues:
Professor L: “Oh, I forgot to write this on the overhead…I guess I’ll fill it out more before I post it on the uh… um… internet or whatever they are calling it these days…”

(ten minutes pass, and she begins typing again)

Professor L: “I know I’m misspelling like crazy but…well, you guys can just deal with it…”
Jill is about as blunt as Scalia:

Professor L: What does the court say about the respect for the culture of life?”
Jill: “You mean the part where the court just makes stuff up?”

OTR: Tidbits

September 24, 2009

Mixed bag today:

It was 10 minutes before the end of class in Real Estate Law, but the professor must have seen the blank looks on our faces:
Professor E: “Hm. I think I’ve wreaked enough havoc for today.”

Professor V found a quote on one Justice’s expectations of the law:
If there is one thing that the people are entitled to expect from their lawmakers, it is rules of law that will enable individuals to tell whether they are married and, if so, to whom.” Justice Frankfurter, dissenting, in Estin v. Estin. 334,US 541 552 (1948).

And I appreciated Justice Harlan’s comment on Due Process in the Conlaw reading:

“The Due Process Clause stands, in my opinion, on its own bottom.” Concurring in Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 US 479

The law in that case involved a ban on contraceptives for married couples. Even Justice Stewart’s dissent acknowledges how crappy the law is: “I think this is an uncommonly silly law.”

Law School / Law School – 2L / on the record

Socratic Preemption

September 22, 2009

Jill’s answer in Employment law was a little too thorough:
Professor I: “Uh, well,…you just demolished my next three questions…so, uh, good job!”
Not deterred, Professor E then asked the questions anyway and made Jill repeat her answers.

Law School

Wisconsin, Pizza, and Crucifixes

September 22, 2009

I have two new posts over at The Shark:

No Barbri girls in Wisconsin: my take on my neighbor’s exemption from the bar. (Read it here)

And,

Pizzas & The Crucifix: the saga of Ave Maria law school. (Read it here)

Law School – 2L / legal humor / Minneapolis-St. Paul

How’d you guess?

September 21, 2009

I’m studying at Wilde Roast today.

I walked up to the Barista to order:
Me: “May I have a large coffee for here?”
Barista: “Sure. Is this something to take the edge off or sharpen up?”
I point to the 10-inch stack of books at my table – Conflicts, Environmental Law, Tax Law, and Taxation statutes.
Me: “To sharpen up. I have reading to do.”
Barista: “Yikes! Are you a law student or something?”
Me: “Actually, I am.”

The most important lesson I learned as a history and English major in undergrad is not to be afraid of large books. It’ll take some hours, but if can manage to wade through Huxley, Joyce, and lengthy treatises on Stalinism then anything is possible.

2L Fall / Law School / Law School – 2L / on the record

OTR: Tax, Modern Real Estate

September 18, 2009

The estate tax expires in 2010.

Professor A: “Next year is the year to throw momma from the train!”

Pretend to be interested:

Professor A: “Did you see anything of interest in the reading?”
Jill: “I loathe to say that I didn’t…”
Professor A: “That is well advised!”

Why you should give notice to the home sellers, even if they have a lock box:

Professor E: “My husband was in his underwear, heard some noises downstairs, and snuck stealthily down the stairs with a baseball bat…and almost beat the buyers!”

Law School / Law School – 2L / on the record

On the Record: Professor L

September 17, 2009

I have Professor L again for Constitutional Law. I love the class, but even if I didn’t, the asides would make it totally worth it.

Professor L vs. the 14th amendment:
Professor L: “Let me quote directly here from the amendment… hm…where is it? Sorry… I momentarily forgot how to read roman numerals…”
Professor L hears a voice:
Professor L (looking down at the seating chart): “Mr. Smith?”
Jack Smith: “Here!”
Professor L (looking up): “Where are you? I just heard a voice…hearing voices! That’s all I need!”
Professor L trips:
Professor L: “Woops! Sorry. There’s a little wire here. I’ll probably fall on my face at some point…”
Professor L says stay healthy:

Professor L: “I was asked to record today’s class because a number of your colleagues are sick today with the swine flu or something. I suspect this is only going to get worse, so wash your hands regularly, carry Purell, refuse to shake hands with people, and stay healthy!”

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Professor L see:

2L Fall Summaries / Law School – 2L

Best Week Ever #1: Americano

September 11, 2009

My first day of 2L year was Tuesday.

I picked my classes based on subject matter without regard to timing… so it was about 2pm Monday afternoon when I realized that I had four classes scheduled for Tuesday and Wednesday.

I was also really sick last weekend, so I began school drugged-out on cold medicine so I wouldn’t be “disgusting snot guy.” Instead of being disgusting snot guy I just walked around looking mildly dazed, disoriented, and stuffy…so I guess I blended in with the 1Ls? Maybe not…

And while I suspected that this week would be a disaster, it wasn’t. Here’s a play-by-play of the classes and professors:

Tax: I like that UMN has managed to assemble a mix of scholars and practitioners. My tax professor is a partner at one of the biggest firms in the city. He made it very clear (among other things) that he wasn’t an academic.This should be interesting…

My mother still claims me on her taxes, so I felt like one of the few people in the room who has never looked at a 1040 form. I just need to spend some more time with it and figure how all those below-the-line deductions work.
My professor began each class with a raffle. During the first class he raffled off textbooks, and during the second class he raffled off basketball tickets. I’m not sure what that’s about…
Modern Real Estate: This class is hilarious. My professor used to practice real estate law, and looks like she stepped right out of a Talbots ad. Professor E. can compete with any flashy real estate broker in the fashion department. We are always excited to see what each day’s ensemble will be.

Conflicts: Conflicts is with Professor V, who was my Civil Procedure professor. Professor V is super-organized and uses slides filled with flow charts and tables that simplify what seem like hopelessly complex concepts. The only problem I have with Conflicts is that it still feels crazy that a court can apply different sets of laws to different issues within one case. Professor V claims that this is an “opportunity for advocacy” but I suspect that is only true after we get over the mountain-sized learning curve.

Conlaw II: I have Professor L again, who taught Conlaw during my 1L year. And the hilarity continues:

Professor L (looking down at the podium): “Mrs. Smith?”
Cindy Smith: “Here!”
Professor L (looking up): “Where? I just hear a voice. Hah. Hearing voices…that’s all I need…”
Professor L: “Let me read from the 14th amendment real quick. Hm. Wait, I momentarily forgot how to read roman numerals.”
Professor L (tripping over a wire): “Sorry. There’s a little wire here. I’ll probably fall on my face at some point…”

My Employment Law professor began each class by blasting music. It’s a little strange, but I think he’s trying to be “fun.” At least the class isn’t super-early…

On Tuesday I was one of the first people at the school cafeteria. The coffee wasn’t ready yet so the Barista asked me if he could give me an Americano instead.

I agreed, although I didn’t know what an Americano was at the time.

I got hooked.

Americanos are basically the same price as coffee, but have that bitter-taste that I love. I didn’t realize until I was up to three Americanos per day that each drink contains four shots of espresso… 12 shots of espresso per day… no wonder I was so bubbly my first week!

1L summer / Thomson Reuters

Reputation

September 6, 2009

Glasses on book by Dariusz Sankowski via Stocksnap

I’m walking through my intern farm at work with a stack of cases.

Jack is the only other intern at work today, so of course I have to trip right by his cubicle. My cases become airborn and crash everywhere.

I’m scrambling to pick up the cases when Jack spins around in his chair with a huge Cheshire Cat grin:

Jack: “You do that a lot don’t you?”

Ugh.

1L summer / dogs

And your grand total is…

September 5, 2009

There are two vets at my animal hospital: Dr. Smooth and Dr. Timid.

Dr. Smooth just graduated from vet school. He’s young. He’s hip. He has a soul patch.

Dr. Timid is middle aged, quiet and serious. She always looks worried, like she is about to tell you something went horribly wrong and your dog will, in fact, never regain control of his bowels. Have fun with the slip and slide!

So of course Dr. Timid was working today.

1L summer / Just Sayin / Minneapolis-St. Paul

Not intended to frighten.

September 5, 2009

The vice president of the University of Minnesota just sent out an email:

Yesterday, the University of Minnesota Police Department issued a Public Safety Alert regarding a shooting that occurred just off campus. This Public Safety Alert was the fourth issued in just over a week, and it’s unfortunate that this spate of crimes has occurred as students are returning to campus and the University community is preparing for the 2009-10 academic year.
The alerts are sent out because the University of Minnesota is committed to the safety of our students, faculty, and staff, and in compliance with the federal Clery Act.
Alerts are not intended to alarm or frighten anyone.

Really? Let’s see, here are some gems from the University of Minnesota’s public safety department:

Law School / legal humor / on the record

Amber’s talking stick

September 4, 2009

Woman working at desk, by Bench Accounting via Unsplash

Amber, a coworker who goes to another local law school, is going to invest in a talking stick:

Amber: “I’m bringing a talking stick to my seminar. There are two boys in it who think out loud, and just ramble on! Last class I’m sitting there wondering, ‘Do I really have to listen to this?!’ and one of the boys said, ‘Wait, I just need to finish this thought!’ and I wanted to scream ‘OH NO YOU DON’T! YOU HAVE NO COHERENT THOUGHTS! SHUT UP!”

And apparently Dolly Parton is still alive and well:

Amber: “Oh, and that Dolly Parton girl! The twins have been out EVERY SINGLE DAY since school started! And they are just tan and jiggly. I wonder how she gets them so tan…oh, and every time she breathes they quiver like Jello. It’s SO distracting!”

1L summer / 2L Fall

Whew

September 4, 2009

The now-1Ls are fully oriented. I hope.

The past few days consisted of constant information sessions, Q&As, herding, “mingling” and moving furniture for 220 people.

Oh, and plenty of free food and coffee.

I am tired and amused, which isn’t a terrible way to start 2L year. Now excuse me while run off to the office…

blog theory / Law School – 1L / unsolicited advice

To the UMN 1Ls

September 3, 2009

Focus text in book by Romain Vignes via StockSnap

The rising number of google search hits I am getting for variations of “Dennis University of Minnesota law student” is probably a good indication that more UMN 1Ls are discovering the website.

Hi.

A few quick things:

This is a personal blog. There’s a handy disclaimer page here. The gist is that the posts on this site are not an official representation of our school. So don’t worry, the excessive dog posts are not negatively impacting the value of your degree. I think?
A semi-exhaustive outline of my first semester experience is here, and an outline of my spring semester is here. The point is that law school is fun and the winter is survivable. Everyone’s experience is unique, but you will survive with the help of coffee and long underbritches.
If you want to know why I blog, that post is here.
Yes, I’m “that kid” who got shot. That post is here.
You can stop the dirt dig before you start. This blog has a steady readership and there’s nothing particularly scandalous on it. The pseudonyms “Jack and Jill” are used to quote about 50 different people, and although the quotes are funny, nothing is embarrassing or malicious.

And if you feel inspired to start your own blog, read over this list first so you won’t get in trouble.

Welcome, and go Mondale High!

1L summer / Boomkat List / dogs / Life / memories / Minneapolis-St. Paul

End of 1L Summer

September 2, 2009

Orientation has started, so I guess the summer is officially over.

I’m reliving orientation as an orientation assistant. The law school is really responsive to student feedback, so a lot of the boring and useless things from last year’s orientation were axed. Some of the 1Ls were still bored, but they have no idea how much better their orientation is.

Besides an awkward, overlong vegetable analogy, orientation has gone well. None of the speakers said anything crazy and none of the 1Ls irreparably embarrassed themselves. I think asking for anything more is unrealistic.

We even did a quick etiquette session in my orientation group where the other orientation leaders and I told the 1Ls how not to be obnoxious.

The top 5 “DO NOT” items on our list:

Don’t correct your peers or your professor in class.
Don’t play video games or watch youtube videos during class.
Don’t skip, or come in late every day.
Don’t (for the love of god) raise your hand when someone else is called on.
Don’t be rude to the secretaries or administrators, because they will talk about you.

I figure if my 1Ls can avoid doing those five things, they’ll be fine.

I thought about writing a grand “1L summer retrospective” post, but that would be duplicative of my “one year in Minnesota” post and way too exhausting to do right now, so, quickly, the highlights of summer:

The botched petitioning attempt.
The random shooting by my house.
Boomkats, and drag shows.
The dog’s heartworm, which is going to be well over $1200 to treat. I love the dog. Really. I swear. My wallet feels differently though…
Random head stroke drama.
Summer classes: Professional Responsibility, Wills & Trusts
Working full time. I love my job because there’s a constant supply of interesting (and somewhat ridiculous) cases and caffeine.
My neighbor getting arrested, again, and again.

The summer was hilarious, but I’m ready to start the school year.

1L summer / Uptown Apartment

The Window

August 30, 2009

My bedroom window was stuck open for most of the summer.

I was too lazy to call the maintenance people, but this wasn’t a big deal because my apartment is not air conditioned and my windows are open most of the time.

I only had the urge to close my window in the middle of the night when there was thunder or police drama outside. These midnight fix-it attempts always failed because there is only so much wrestling I can do with the window before I remember that I’m exposing my underbritches to the entire neighborhood.¹

So, I would give up, and forget about the window problem.

The low point was a few days ago when there was a huge storm that blew directly into my window.

1L summer / Uptown Apartment

Exasperation

August 27, 2009

I got frustrated today and decided to stop moving furniture.

I figured if I couldn’t come up with a better layout for my apartment during the summer, then it’s not going to happen during the semester.

Just Sayin / Law School / unsolicited advice

Annoying Social Networkers

August 25, 2009

We all know that guy or girl. Over at The Shark I have a post addressing annoying social networkers. I included 5 easy ways to avoid joining the irritating crowd. The post is here.

1L summer / dogs

The tornado

August 19, 2009

I am halfway through a habeas case at work when Jill, a coworker, turns to me and says:

Jill: “Tornadoes in downtown Minneapolis!”
Me: “What what?”
Jill: “That’s what they are saying on NPR. Check online.”