I wanted to write that my love affair with law school finally wore off.
I also wanted to write about how bored and annoyed I have been these past two weeks.
Instead of writing a whiny, bitchy post, I went on my nightly run. I am training for a marathon, and running is an excellent way to procrastinate writing whiny posts and studying for tax midterms.
During my run, I realized that I am only irritable in my easy classes. The problem I have with easy classes is the curve. Easy classes mean arbitrary grading because everyone understands the material. The difference between an A and a C is usually something obscure or even the format of the answer (instead of the content.)
…in which I become creepy “laughs to himself” guy.
I am sitting in the cafeteria area of the law school, reading for Conflicts.
It is hard to concentrate because two girls from my Tax Law class are seated two tables over. They are preparing for the midterm, and one of the girls has a booming voice.
Suddenly, I imagined her saying “SORRY. I CANNOT CONTROL THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!”
My most recent post for The Shark is about California Western Law School’s decision to have school-sponsored student blawgs on their website. I’m not buying it. These blogs scream “infomercial!”
This is from a case I came across today. And no, I did not make up any of the names:
“He testified that Ms. Tuggle told him that the defendant said McGory had shot at the defendant’s brother on one occasion and had chased the defendant with a machete earlier on the day of the shooting.” State v. Holmes, Tenn.Crim.App.,2009.
Ms. Tuggle had seen the defendant get out of his car and attempt to gun McGory down.
McGory was a quick thinker however, and used a friend as a body shield…and here I thought Law & Order made this stuff up…
Note: I understand people are busy, so here are some cliffnotes for the rant:
Diversity Initiatives aimed at black students tend to assume that all black students are African American and have a shared background.
Diversity is more than a skin-color. The Persian or Korean student may have more to add than a “black” student who grew up in a “white” environment, but there is an arbitrary preference for the black student.
Today’s reading assignment for Employment law involved Title VII workplace discrimination claims.
I was reminded of the “I am not Tyrone” post that I wrote during the law school admissions process when I was worried about law schools balking at my lack of stereotypical African-American “blackness” because that was exactly what some schools were recruiting me for.
After the first day of orientation, my housemates pointed out that I was the only black person in our year.1 This was a recurring conversation during my 1L year, and I was amused that the lack of “diversity” bothered2 white students more than it did me.
This year the law school gave fee vouchers to black applicants and (surprise, surprise) we have more black students.
Several of our 50-some-odd transfers are also black. Of course the Black Law Students Association is thrilled, but I think the black students serve a dual purpose by giving the white students a piece of mind.3
Congratulations. You can feel like you go to a “diverse” school now.
Out of the seven 1Ls at the BLSA meeting, I think only one of them wasn’t mixed (ie, half/white or Asian) but Americans who want diversity for diversity’s sake care primarily about appearance of African-American ancestry.4
The most obvious example of this is our president, and the reaction of the African-American community to his election.
No one stopped to ask whether the son of white woman and an African immigrant bore anything more than a superficial relation to the African-American community.4 Obama is not the progeny of the people who have been oppressed in this country for 400 years any more than Bobby Jindal is.
And what about an Indian candidate? Would Jessie Jackson be as excited to see Bobby Jindal win the presidency? What if Jindal was married to a black woman? Would we have Jindal T-shirts at Urban Outfitters then?
The answer is no.
The civil rights movement opened the door for Jindal just as it did for people of every race and sex, but we would not have the same homecoming celebration for anyone that did not “appear” African-American because the focus on diversity is as superficial as the discriminatory practices it aims to counter.
Anyhoot, before I start parroting Michelle Malkin, let me just get to the holding5 of the post:
A diversity initiative is bigoted and backward if it simply seeks people of a particular skin color irrespective of whether that person truly represents the historically oppressed group that the diversity initiative is trying to promote.
If a Haitian-American student is eligible for the “black scholarship” then why not an Asian American? The only difference is that we didn’t historically oppress as many people that look like the Asian as much as we did people who look like the Haitian. Why should the Haitian benefit from this?
Sure, we aren’t going to inquire about a black person’s background to determine whether they are African American like we ask for tribal affiliation of a Native American. So why bother?
What is the point of recruiting black students, or persons of any minority status at all? Under the current system the half-black student raised in a white household gets a fee voucher and a tour, but the Persian or Korean applicant is ignored.
And I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate the diversity of my school., because I think it’s fascinating.
And I think it is sad that this diversity is lost on the students and administrators who are only looking for more brown faces.7
1 There are two others, but they were not as readily identifiable. 2 It annoys me that people refer to the lack of one minority group (blacks) as “a lack of diversity.” Nevermind the East-Asians, Indians, Hispanics, and Native Americans we have in our year – everyone wants to see Tyrone. 3 Not to say that being half-black somehow makes one “not black” but what I’m harping on is the assumption that all black people share the same African-American background, which is the only assumption that can justify the focus on the community. Do people really care about the Ethiopian or Somali students? If so, why are these people not equally thrilled by the amount of East-Indians and Koreans at our school? 4 Community organizing and marrying an African-Woman helps. I’m not saying that he’s not special for his own reasons, but the phrase “the first black president” implies “the first African-American president” rather than “the first Kenyan-American president.” 5 If blog posting interrupts my legal research I can use “Holding.” 6 Somali, Caribbean, black-white, black-filipino, black-Cuban…Africans…etc. Really this is a forest/for the trees statement. The “black” community is more diverse than your average person cares about. 7 These are the same people that don’t realize that Hispanics in Miami look more like Gloria, Enrique, and Pitbull than Carlos Mencia.
Is it that time of year? During the past week, I have received a disturbing number of angsty emails and direct messages from 1Ls along the line of “oh my god I’m drowning.”
Obviously my advice to “calm down, breathe, and just do” is falling on deaf ears so I’m going to give the panic crew an assignment, due by the end of next week: 5 steps to productivity.
1. Ditch the laptop.
Typically you do not need a computer to complete your reading assignments. Write the page numbers down on a piece of paper and leave the laptop in your locker. This way you can focus on Torts and Contracts, and not the fug blog, which is only mildly related to the tort of intentional infliction of emotional distress.
Professor A: “Next year is the year to throw momma from the train!”
Pretend to be interested:
Professor A: “Did you see anything of interest in the reading?” Jill: “I loathe to say that I didn’t…” Professor A: “That is well advised!”
Why you should give notice to the home sellers, even if they have a lock box:
Professor E: “My husband was in his underwear, heard some noises downstairs, and snuck stealthily down the stairs with a baseball bat…and almost beat the buyers!”
I picked my classes based on subject matter without regard to timing… so it was about 2pm Monday afternoon when I realized that I had four classes scheduled for Tuesday and Wednesday.
I was also really sick last weekend, so I began school drugged-out on cold medicine so I wouldn’t be “disgusting snot guy.” Instead of being disgusting snot guy I just walked around looking mildly dazed, disoriented, and stuffy…so I guess I blended in with the 1Ls? Maybe not…
And while I suspected that this week would be a disaster, it wasn’t. Here’s a play-by-play of the classes and professors:
Tax: I like that UMN has managed to assemble a mix of scholars and practitioners. My tax professor is a partner at one of the biggest firms in the city. He made it very clear (among other things) that he wasn’t an academic.This should be interesting…
My mother still claims me on her taxes, so I felt like one of the few people in the room who has never looked at a 1040 form. I just need to spend some more time with it and figure how all those below-the-line deductions work.
My professor began each class with a raffle. During the first class he raffled off textbooks, and during the second class he raffled off basketball tickets. I’m not sure what that’s about… Modern Real Estate: This class is hilarious. My professor used to practice real estate law, and looks like she stepped right out of a Talbots ad. Professor E. can compete with any flashy real estate broker in the fashion department. We are always excited to see what each day’s ensemble will be.
Conflicts: Conflicts is with Professor V, who was my Civil Procedure professor. Professor V is super-organized and uses slides filled with flow charts and tables that simplify what seem like hopelessly complex concepts. The only problem I have with Conflicts is that it still feels crazy that a court can apply different sets of laws to different issues within one case. Professor V claims that this is an “opportunity for advocacy” but I suspect that is only true after we get over the mountain-sized learning curve.
Professor L (looking down at the podium): “Mrs. Smith?” Cindy Smith: “Here!” Professor L (looking up): “Where? I just hear a voice. Hah. Hearing voices…that’s all I need…” Professor L: “Let me read from the 14th amendment real quick. Hm. Wait, I momentarily forgot how to read roman numerals.” Professor L (tripping over a wire): “Sorry. There’s a little wire here. I’ll probably fall on my face at some point…”
My Employment Law professor began each class by blasting music. It’s a little strange, but I think he’s trying to be “fun.” At least the class isn’t super-early…
On Tuesday I was one of the first people at the school cafeteria. The coffee wasn’t ready yet so the Barista asked me if he could give me an Americano instead.
I agreed, although I didn’t know what an Americano was at the time.
I got hooked.
Americanos are basically the same price as coffee, but have that bitter-taste that I love. I didn’t realize until I was up to three Americanos per day that each drink contains four shots of espresso… 12 shots of espresso per day… no wonder I was so bubbly my first week!
Amber, a coworker who goes to another local law school, is going to invest in a talking stick:
Amber: “I’m bringing a talking stick to my seminar. There are two boys in it who think out loud, and just ramble on! Last class I’m sitting there wondering, ‘Do I really have to listen to this?!’ and one of the boys said, ‘Wait, I just need to finish this thought!’ and I wanted to scream ‘OH NO YOU DON’T! YOU HAVE NO COHERENT THOUGHTS! SHUT UP!”
And apparently Dolly Parton is still alive and well:
Amber: “Oh, and that Dolly Parton girl! The twins have been out EVERY SINGLE DAY since school started! And they are just tan and jiggly. I wonder how she gets them so tan…oh, and every time she breathes they quiver like Jello. It’s SO distracting!”
The rising number of google search hits I am getting for variations of “Dennis University of Minnesota law student” is probably a good indication that more UMN 1Ls are discovering the website.
Hi.
A few quick things:
This is a personal blog. There’s a handy disclaimer page here. The gist is that the posts on this site are not an official representation of our school. So don’t worry, the excessive dog posts are not negatively impacting the value of your degree. I think?
A semi-exhaustive outline of my first semester experience is here, and an outline of my spring semester is here. The point is that law school is fun and the winter is survivable. Everyone’s experience is unique, but you will survive with the help of coffee and long underbritches.
You can stop the dirt dig before you start. This blog has a steady readership and there’s nothing particularly scandalous on it. The pseudonyms “Jack and Jill” are used to quote about 50 different people, and although the quotes are funny, nothing is embarrassing or malicious.
And if you feel inspired to start your own blog, read over this list first so you won’t get in trouble.
Amber, a coworker who goes to another law school, had an interesting day:
Amber: “Oh my god! So classes already started and there is a girl in two of my classes with the most ridiculous cleavage. She’s a 3L and sits in front of me for both classes, so I spent two hours just lost in her boobs! And the girl is fat, so it’s like 12 inches of cleavage!” Me: “Is it inappropriate?” Amber: “Of course it’s inappropriate! And I don’t know how she gets them to stick up and out like that. A bra with whale bones? And who says, ‘Hey, it’s Wednesday, let’s SHOW THE TWINS!’” Me: “So you’re telling me that Dolly Parton attends your school?” Amber: “YES! She is Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton with a tan.”
Dress appropriately – first impressions are important
Check the hormones – this isn’t a Maury episode.
Check the ego – it’s likely that you’re not the smartest cookie in the room anymore.
Don’t overshare – you’re not on Dr. Phil
Hold the hooch – this is professional school, not a Pitbull video.
And some advice for the new law school blawgers1 out there:
5 ways to stay out of trouble:
1. Use nicknames and composites
Give your professors and peers some privacy or Google’s cache will come back to haunt you.
We don’t really need to know that your Torts professor is named Professor Palsgraff. Professor Palsgraff is probably a nice person, but your impression of him and his teaching style may change during the semester, and your blog will still pop up under a search for “Professor Palsgraff” long after you’ve edited your entries or even after the entire blog is deleted.
There’s also a difference between writing “Professor Tort’s class is boring” and “Professor Palsgraff’s class is boring.” One statement is your opinion about a class, whereas the other statement can be viewed as your opinion about a professor – and although everyone from your school will know that “Professor Torts” is “Professor Palsgraff,” the difference is the level of respect and professionalism you show by omitting his name.
This goes double for peers. Your classmates are more likely to read your blog than your professors2 and more likely to stir up controversy. A simple way to avoid drammy is to pick 2-3 random names to use for composite characters.
This way you are writing about what happened without writing about a specific person. This avoids anyone from getting their feelings hurt and achieves the privacy and respect essential for maintaining a blawg while still passing the character fitness test for the bar.
Remember that a law student blogging about other law students and professors is really a future attorney writing about other future attorneys and actual attorneys. The less often you offend your peers, the easier your professional life is going to be.
You will have at least one annoying person in your section. I promise. You will be amazed how such a smart person can say and do such incredibly obnoxious things.
You will be offended, bitter, tired, and cranky at least once during your 1L year. I promise this as well. This the day when The Annoying will pop up and do something to really grill your cheese. And you will be upset, but that doesn’t mean you should blog about it.
The way to deal with The Annoying is to ignore them. An annoying person is sort of like a fart: it’s disruptive, embarrassing, and unpleasant, but no amount of bitching is going to make the smell go away any faster.
Bitching about someone in a blog post or to a law school friend is not going to make the situation any better and will only prolong your negative state.
So when someone is annoying: smile, ignore it, and let it go.
Example—Last year I wrote about the crazy section that I had Criminal law with. (At my school we have double-section classes).
And let me be clear: that section was filled with loons.
But towards the end of the school year the blog got an unexpected bit of publicity, and some people from that section read about my section’sless-than-stellar opinion about them. Random students from the other section then plotted to purposefully piss me off just so I would blog about them.
Now, their plans were foiled because they discovered my blog on the last day of school, but it would have been a rough semester if they caught on earlier.
The point: Ignore The Annoying, and avoid the drama in advance.
3. Bitch not about thy burden.
One of the rare times that I hung out with my section-mates last year was one day in between classes.
Several of us had to finish the reading for the upcoming class, but we couldn’t get any reading done because one of our section-mates sat at the table for 40 minutes and whined about how much he hated the class, the professor, and life.
The nice thing about law school is that your peers are going through a similar experience. Sure, there’s always going to be the rich kid with a job offer and the ivy league law school prep courses, but the majority of law students are going through the same stresses and pressures as you.4
You are not alone.
But just because you’re not alone does not mean that your peers or blog readers will indulge your whining.
I think what separates those who enjoy their first year and those who are miserable is attitude. You can choose to get things done, or to wallow and waste time. Sure, some people will suffer mental health issues and need help, but others will simply worry themselves in an unnecessary and counterproductive way.
Walking around offended – by your peers, workload, lack of sleep, or Lindsay Lohan – is not going to do anything for you besides increase your stress and ruin your health.
And trust me, the self-pitying blog posts, tweets, facebook status updates, and in-person bitching is not going to help you feel better because it is hard to feel good when you’re dwelling on how much things suck.
Don’t let your blog become place that reinforces negativity. Try to write critical rather than negative posts. Instead of vague complaints, think about what you’re really trying to say, and ask yourself if it’s worth posting.
4. Think Kylie, not Gaga.
There are multiple ways of delivering the same message. You can be fun and provocative without being vulgar.
Most law schools and employers will understand that a personal blog is a non-professional thing (as opposed to unprofessional) but that doesn’t mean you can unleash the crazy.
The litmus test: Would you be mortified if your law school’s dean read your post?
Note, the test is not “would you email this to the dean?” – I wouldn’t send an email about my dog’s bowel problems to anyone – but I also wouldn’t care if people read it. That’s the difference.
5. Keep it real.
Law students aren’t stupid. While no one wants to read posts that are negative or angst filled, we also don’t care to read sugar-coated posts written with an eye towards employers.
The “I love everyone, always” bit comes across as real and graceful as answer from Ms. Teen South Carolina:
If you are fake, then the best case scenario is that your classmates will think you are dull. The worst case scenario is that they’ll suspect you are insincere and well, stupid.5
And remember to blog about your experience. Orientation can be a blur, and it’s definitely something you’ll want to remember. If you are worried about your peers or finding time to spell check, simply write your post in outline format and save it as a draft. The point is to preserve the memories, not the published post itself.
You can clean it up and publish it later if you want.
1 Who I have been impressed with by the way. 2 And professors will read too by the way… 3 Chris Rocker also has a variation on the theme: “Keep it cute or put it on mute.” 4 There are law students who excel in law school while raising families. And although they possess super-powers, I guarantee you they spend more time being productive than stewing in their own misery 5 At least the US Americans…
The soon-to-be 1Ls are lighting up my inbox, and I’m starting to get duplicate questions.
The typical email starts with a variation of “Hi, I start law school the fall. I saw your blog, and didn’t get a chance to read it. Can you answer these questions?” I can, I did, and I will – but don’t be offended if you’re linked to this post (or this one).
Here are some of the common questions this week: 1L: “I’m thinking of getting a rolly backpack…and” A: No, no, no, no, no, no, NO. Do not. Put down the fug and step away slowly. Yes we see people considering them every year, and it confuses me. Assuming your law school has student lockers, there is no reason for you to carry around 5 law books at one time, so a rolly bag is unnecessary. I simply carry my books in my hand because typically I’m going to my locker to exchange one book for another. And I find that when I’m studying, I’m not going to focus on more than one or two classes, so dragging a stack of books to the library is unnecessary. Don’t be that guy or girl who looks like they are about to catch the next flight to fugville. See:Jill on backpacks
1L: “What supplements should I buy?” A: I recommend waiting for your professor to recommend a supplement. Check the syllabus. Some professors teach from the supplements, and other professors insist that you shouldn’t read anything but your casebook. I also recommend waiting to buy supplements until the middle of the semester when you have a better idea of what you don’t know. You’re not going to score any points or good will by bringing up obscure arguments from a hornbook. If you are inconsolably freaked out, then make a few purchases from West’s Nutshell series. These tend to be just enough to get you grounded in a subject. If you feel cheap, then wait until you get your LexisNexis and Westlaw passwords. Westlaw contains treatises like Wright & Miller (for Civil Procedure) and Lexis has course outlines.
1L: “I want to start a blog but I don’t know if I can keep up with it…” A: Assuming your blogging goals are somewhat similar to mine (see post here), then my best advice is to sign up for a blog at wordpress.com and give it a shot. The trick is to post every day, even if it’s just a sentence or two. The second you stop posting consistently is when your blog is most likely to die. And yes, most blawgs die. SeeThree Years of Hell, and Frugal
1L (following up): “Why wordpress?” A: WordPress is the standard for blogging software. WordPress.com accounts are free and easily customizable. The problem with blogspot and typepad blogs is that these services don’t have as many options and it is harder for people to comment on those blogs. Also, if you’re feeling fancy, you can get a dot com address for your wordpress.com blog for only $15-20 a year. I’m pretty sure this is what Huma of humarashid.com did. And please, when you get a new blog, don’t spam everyone’s blogs with your new address.
1L: “Okay, so I’ve seen in your fashion post that things can get really petty…are law students really that immature or is it just you?” A: Let me remind you that I am not Oprah. All of my advice comes with a hefty dose of salt. Wear what makes you feel comfortable. Just do so with the realization that some of your peers are as petty as I am (see here). Think of it like this: you are in professional school. Showing up looking like a hot mess for law school is the equivalent of accusing your coworkers of being immature because you decided to show up at the office in pink, bejeweled crocs. Now, yes, the fact that someone is sitting at the UMN library, enraged that a classmate is wearing flipflops is silly, but I think that flip flops during orientation is more akin to the pink crocs at the office. See Think Like a Woman, Act like a Man.
Female 1L: “If I start blogging will have creepy men hiding in the bushes outside of my apartment?” A: There will probably be creepy men hiding in the bushes outside of your apartment, but it won’t be because of your blog. Think of online privacy as a bicycle lock. Your average bicycle lock is going to stop the vast majority of bike thieves, but no bike lock can stop that rare, determined bike thief. The same thing is true for stalkers. The rare stalker is going to stalk regardless of how good your pseudonym is, and regardless of how carefully you guard your online presence. Frankly, so much information is available via public directories and information companies (like Lexis), that the rare crazy is not going to be stopped by anything but the Tazer x3 in your purse. So no, don’t post a picture of your apartment with the address and a challenge, but also don’t be afraid to use your real name – because frankly, it’s not a secret. See also: 3 years of hell, and Fresh Thought Soup.
By request, here are my 5 simple rules for law school orientation:
5. Dress appropriately.
How you present yourself1 during orientation will shape how people think of you for the rest of the semester.
The appropriate style? Business casual — Think Banana Republic rather than yoga pants.
And no, you don’t need to buy designer clothes – the point is that you can look put-together without wearing your church clothes, or looking like a rental car agency manager (no high-water khakis please.)
My experience: There was a girl who wore the same thing throughout orientation: ass-cheek exposing shorts, a red tank top, an oversized hoodie, and her greasy hair in a sloppy bun. She was a super-smart girl, but she looked like she smelled, and was called uncharitable names (like slutty hobo) for the rest of the year.
4. Check the hormones.
This isn’t the first day of college.
Bedding your classmates will come back to haunt you. This is professional school, not Tinder.
3. Check the ego.
It takes people a while to understand that law school is actually a level playing field. Unless you ditched a full ride at Harvard for Nowhere University, you are probably not the smartest kid in your class. So be careful, because the section-mate you are bragging to just might be a PhD or getting a dual degree in Rocket Science.
Also, no one cares how much time you spent reading hornbooks during the summer, how prestigious your undergrad was, or how much money you made in your former job. You are in law school. Save yourself the ego-check and humble yourself before you get to school.
The grades are based on finals, so you don’t get any points for intimidating your classmates during orientation.
My experience: During orientation, the entire 1L class was in an auditorium. Some prestigious lawyer gave us a lecture about his experience and this girl raised her hand, preceded to tell the speaker (and the entire 1L class) about a lengthy book she read on a completely different subject, and asked the lawyer for his thoughts on the book.
The presenter’s mouth said: “Uh, I haven’t read that one.” His face added: “You crazy bitch.”
This happens at every school outside of Utah: after orientation, you will head to a local pub with your section-mates, someone will get crunk and embarrass themselves.
And in law school, no one bothers to stop a social train wreck.
Law students will just stand by and chuckle nervously as the disaster unfolds – and because no one ever says anything, this behavior is repeated throughout the year. Don’t be that guy.
And remember it is not too late to get the essential law school summer reading:
by Ann Demarais and Valerie White